Ну последнее вот это всё, про отсусттвие примера успешных взрослых, и про непредвиденые профессии и реалии, это я к тому что знал бы я это всё, я бы нахрен не рассчитывал ни на свою квратирно-перепродажную мелочную активность, ни, темболее, на творческо музыкальную детсадовскую хрень. Осознав заранее это всё, просто бы держал себя в руках и дотянул бы до армии и там бы показал что значит ставить нежного и чувствительного невротика нарцисса в ряд с всякими дегенератами ёбаными.
Вобщем естествено никакой девки у меня не было и не может быть. Единственый раз в жизни в 2021ом году ко мне прицеплялась одна, она была малолетка и с перспективой крутой жизни с преимуществом надо мной по всем фронтам, что естественно меня не устраивало и бесило и я вовремя уехал из её города. Но на ней я осознал что единственое с кем я могу иметь половую жизнь, и чтобы это не кончилось агрессией и за решёткой, это с какойнибудь очень отстойной девкой. Только такая со мной в безопасности, и я могу ей даже платить 400р за раз. Поскольку она отстойный кусок говна, совсем не то о чём я мечтал, то вот нежели обычная ебля в письку, меня с ней такой интересуют скорее извращения, всякие игры с анусом, блевотой, слюнями. Помучивания, бужирование уретры. Какаться с ней и позорничать. Ну можно и в письку. И надо только чтоб она обязательно кончала и не воняла. Вот я щас занимаюсь её поисками. И ещё я мемуары пишу.
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english version of my latest shortest info/biography
my latest shortest biography/info about myself, so that foreigners (who are frequenting my channel these days for some reason) better understand who i am
(mostly google translate, but ive corrected manually)
I have very neurotic parents and heredity, I had initially had too low stress tolerance, everything is described in my biography, from the first conscious times in 1995 I felt and understood everything about myself. Then I very quickly became a hysterical capricious aggressive narcissist there and I hated strangers and especially hated lack of freedom and to obey and be lower than other fucking strangers. All these kindergartens, schools, the prospect of working, companies. I always knew that if I was taken into the army, I would shoot everyone there. At school I didnt learn anything and Ill never learn anything and never do what they tell me, and in short, at 12 years old, overprotective morons parents put me to a clinic where they officially registered me as schizophrenic, which made me even angrier, because with the stigma of a psycho, especially with such a fucking one and having nothing to do with me, I completely lost weight in this society, something which I needed least of all, because I had always wanted to be, on the contrary, mega-cool and influential like superheroes.
Low stress tolerance caused increased sexual preoccupation from the age of 3, and I began not to think about anything except about girls and pussy and about adulthood when I would have it all. All this is not my own speculation. Even Wikipedia describes how aggressiveness, depressiveness and libido are all connected there. When the stress tolerance is low, the organism needs to be able to quickly pass on its genes because it is «in danger, under threat of death.» Thats why my dick was always hard, I jerked off and, in short, went crazy over the desire of girls and fucking from early childhood. If I had taken anti-depressants from birth, I would have a completely different life and hobbies and everything. But I didnt take antidepressants and right now Im already 30 years old and I have already lived the brightest time of my life and I will not take any medication and will remain to be myself to the end.
After the psychiatric hospital and the impossibility of education (due to aggressiveness, hysterics and the difficulty of concentrating on crap that was not interesting to me, when there were much more interesting things), my hope to interest such girls as I fancied began to depend only on whether I would achieve respectability and whether I would come to success in fields in which I want and can practice. And me being a neurotic, as well as me sucking in sports and physical activities, all I loved and could do was sit in a room and compose music.
But there was no luck there either. My extreme sentimentality and aggressiveness linked my music tastes to the most unpopular and hopeless genres. This is the first thing. Secondly, the realization of my ambitions depended on the knowledge of English, the study of which with me, a person unable to learn anything and tearing books to pieces until the learning process itself becomes satisfying, took 15 years. And thirdly, the idiotic audience of my genre niche simply ignores a creative product if its technical quality (sound) does not meet modern standards, and they, while I learned English and solved other problems, grew to unreachable heights. And to achieve compliance with such standards, to understand all that technical part of music production, all those programs and equipment is exactly the area that required training, communication with more authoritative people (impossible for me what with my narcissism) and steel patience, nothing of which i had, and I would fall endlessly into hysterical fits, broke guitars and ended up in psychiatric hospitals and in 2021 I still did my music production in primitive programs 20 years ago.
And lastly, in parallel with music, I had a small hope that having the opportunity to neither study nor work, and having start-up money from the parents to buy flats, I could be considered successful if I moved from my shithole town to St. Petersburg and multiplied my money, and it would somehow lead me to having a girlfriend. But first of all, it didnt give lead me to anything, I just sat in my room all my youth and jerked off here in St. Petersburg, a girlfriends company was just nowhere to be gotten from, no one knew about me until I started lolcow activity and jerking off while shitting for the camera. And secondly, starting in 2014, when my peers graduated from universities, they suddenly began to work and receive not 20 thousand roubles a month ($300, standard minimal monthly wage in Russia), as I had always thought they would, but many times more, and all my offers, like of online collaboration for 500 rubles to female vocalists from conservatories or giving me a hug or a walk with them for 500rubles suddenly began to make them laugh, and I saw that all of a sudden everyone began to travel to Europe and move by taxi, and now some of them live in Europe, while I still stayed where i had always been, and with devaluing passive assets and, in short, in general I completely suck in comparison with those who didnt drop out of school.