He woke of a sudden in the early hours of one morning, a week before the wedding-day. You know that kind of awaking, so complete in an instant, caused by the pressure of some troublesome thought upon the dreaming brain. Suppose I should not succeed henceforth? Suppose I could never get more than this poor hundred pounds for one of the long books which cost me so much labour? I shall perhaps have children to support; and Amyhow would Amy bear poverty?
He knew what poverty means. The chilling of brain and heart, the unnerving of the hands, the slow gathering about one of fear and shame and impotent wrath, the dread feeling of helplessness, of the worlds base indifference. Poverty! Poverty!
And for hours he could not sleep. His eyes kept filling with tears, the beating of his heart was low; and in his solitude he called upon Amy with pitiful entreaty: Do not forsake me! I love you! I love you!
But that went by. Six days, five days, four dayswill ones heart burst with happiness? The flat is taken, is furnished, up there towards the sky, eight flights of stone steps.
Youre a confoundedly lucky fellow, Reardon, remarked Milvain, who had already become very intimate with his new friend. A good fellow, too, and you deserve it.
But at first I had a horrible suspicion.
I guess what you mean. No; I wasnt even in love with her, though I admired her. She would never have cared for me in any case; I am not sentimental enough.
The deuce!
I mean it in an inoffensive sense. She and I are rather too much alike, I fancy.
How do you mean? asked Reardon, puzzled, and not very well pleased.
Theres a great deal of pure intellect about Miss Yule, you know. She was sure to choose a man of the passionate kind.
I think you are talking nonsense, my dear fellow.
Well, perhaps I am. To tell you the truth, I have by no means completed my study of women yet. It is one of the things in which I hope to be a specialist some day, though I dont think I shall ever make use of it in novelsrather, perhaps, in life.
Three daystwo daysone day.
Now let every joyous sound which the great globe can utter ring forth in one burst of harmony! Is it not well done to make the village-bells chant merrily when a marriage is over? Here in London we can have no such music; but for us, my dear one, all the roaring life of the great city is wedding-hymn. Sweet, pure face under its bridal-veil! The face which shall, if fate spare it, be as dear to me many a long year hence as now at the culminating moment of my life!
As he trudged on in the dark, his tortured memory was living through that time again. The images forced themselves upon him, however much he tried to think of quite other thingsof some fictitious story on which he might set to work. In the case of his earlier books he had waited quietly until some suggestive situation, some group of congenial characters, came with sudden delightfulness before his mind and urged him to write; but nothing so spontaneous could now be hoped for. His brain was too weary with months of fruitless, harassing endeavour; moreover, he was trying to devise a plot, the kind of literary Jack-in-the-box which might excite interest in the mass of readers, and this was alien to the natural working of his imagination. He suffered the torments of nightmarean oppression of the brain and heart which must soon be intolerable.
Chapter 6. The Practical Friend
When her husband had set forth, Amy seated herself in the study and took up a new library volume as if to read. But she had no real intention of doing so; it was always disagreeable to her to sit in the manner of one totally unoccupied, with hands on lap, and even when she consciously gave herself up to musing an open book was generally before her. She did not, in truth, read much nowadays; since the birth of her child she had seemed to care less than before for disinterested study. If a new novel that had succeeded came into her hands she perused it in a very practical spirit, commenting to Reardon on the features of the work which had made it popular; formerly, she would have thought much more of its purely literary merits, for which her eye was very keen. How often she had given her husband a thrill of exquisite pleasure by pointing to some merit or defect of which the common reader would be totally insensible! Now she spoke less frequently on such subjects. Her interests were becoming more personal; she liked to hear details of the success of popular authorsabout their wives or husbands, as the case might be, their arrangements with publishers, their methods of work. The gossip columns of literary papersand of some that were not literaryhad an attraction for her. She talked of questions such as international copyright, was anxious to get an insight into the practical conduct of journals and magazines, liked to know who read for the publishing-houses. To an impartial observer it might have appeared that her intellect was growing more active and mature.
More than half an hour passed. It was not a pleasant train of thought that now occupied her. Her lips were drawn together, her brows were slightly wrinkled; the self-control which at other times was agreeably expressed upon her features had become rather too cold and decided. At one moment it seemed to her that she heard a sound in the bedroomthe doors were purposely left ajarand her head turned quickly to listen, the look in her eyes instantaneously softening; but all remained quiet. The street would have been silent but for a cab that now and then passedthe swing of a hansom or the roll of a four-wheelerand within the buildings nothing whatever was audible.
Yes, a footstep, briskly mounting the stone stairs. Not like that of the postman. A visitor, perhaps, to the other flat on the topmost landing. But the final pause was in this direction, and then came a sharp rat-tat at the door. Amy rose immediately and went to open.
Jasper Milvain raised his urban silk hat, then held out his hand with the greeting of frank friendship. His inquiries were in so loud a voice that Amy checked him with a forbidding gesture.
Youll wake Willie!
By Jove! I always forget, he exclaimed in subdued tones. Does the infant flourish?
Oh, yes!
Reardon out? I got back on Saturday evening, but couldnt come round before this. It was Monday. How close it is in here! I suppose the roof gets so heated during the day. Glorious weather in the country! And Ive no end of things to tell you. He wont be long, I suppose?
I think not.
He left his hat and stick in the passage, came into the study, and glanced about as if he expected to see some change since he was last here, three weeks ago.
So you have been enjoying yourself? said Amy as, after listening for a moment at the door, she took a seat.
Oh, a little freshening of the faculties. But whose acquaintance do you think I have made?
Down there?
Yes. Your uncle Alfred and his daughter were staying at John Yules, and I saw something of them. I was invited to the house.
Did you speak of us?
To Miss Yule only. I happened to meet her on a walk, and in a blundering way I mentioned Reardons name. But of course it didnt matter in the least. She inquired about you with a good deal of interestasked if you were as beautiful as you promised to be years ago.
Amy laughed.
Doesnt that proceed from your fertile invention, Mr Milvain?