When I got home, mom was in her room, lying in the bed. I said hi and went to my room. In a minute she called me. I was terrified. She could beat me again because I was too loud with my books.
How was your practice?
Good.
What did you do?
We were practicing different techniques-
You werent at practice. You lying. Your coach called me. You didnt show up.
Mom, Im sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. It will never, I swear, will never happen again.
I dont believe you.
She stood up and my heart just tore apart into many pieces. But I didnt run. I stood there cause I know that if I had run, It would have been worse.
She grabbed my hair and with all her strength threw me on the floor, pulling me to the front door. And started beating me with her hand in gypsum. Thats how I remember which hand was broken. By the way, it was painful as never before. Roughly twenty times in the head and way more in the stomach, hands, legs. She repeated something like For what we spend our money? You know how much money you waste. Bitch. Asshole. Slut. (Slut in 8 years old).
Then she was hitting the door with me. And then threw me out of the apartment. The door closed. I thought my dad was at work and when he came back he would open the door. But he actually was at home. He heard everything and didnt help me out. I was able to get home in the morning when he went to work. And instead of daddys love, I got a big smack in the face. Crying I got in and, lucky me, mommy was sleeping. I packed a backpack, changed my clothes, and went to school. WIthout breakfast because there was no food at home.
No Escape
I dont want to get into details of my poor childhood. I honestly feel like I had a lot of reasons to kill her. This and previous stories are just the most highlighted. Maybe tearful at some point. And I dont want you guys to feel compassionate towards me but I doubt you are going to do that.
Anyways, situations like the previous, perhaps less severe, have happened on a daily basis. I was so sick of all of it. I was a child. I wanted happiness and childhood, and my parents love. Why does a mommy, who gave birth, didnt sleep, didnt get an abortion, want her own child to suffer that much? And it is not just about me. Over millions and millions of children get treatment like mine. Worse or a bit better. One question still is not answered Why then did you keep kids if you hate them so much? Its stupid.
The second huge TOP-reason why I killed my mother is below. But I want to point out the fact that everyone is different, and different situations are perceived differently. So you maybe wont agree with me but its okay. Thats all.
It happened in the summer of 2017 when I was 16. Those days were literal hell. My mom, my dad, sister, and two brothers were at home. Agnes was 7, Steve was 17, and Elon was 36. Elon decided to spend a summer with us but rather he didnt. I didnt and still dont love any of them. Ill tell you why in the next chapters. Right now its all about the woman that against my wish pushed me out of her body. Lets be gentlemen.
I was always a rebellious girl. I like it about myself. But unfortunately, I had to get rid of this trait. She didnt like when I was curious, adventurous, and so on.
That day on August 13th I ate the last piece of bread and didnt wash my one plate. How ridiculous it didnt sound, it cost me a lot.
Where to begin? Lets come back two days earlier. August 11th. Moms vacation ended. She went to work, and I was the happiest person in the world. Just imagine spending all the days with your mommy cause you have no friends to go out with. My friend with whom I went to basketball did not want to have anything to do with me anymore. I guess you know why. But the happiness wasnt too long. She came back in 3 hours, crying and screaming. I was frustrated. I didnt want to ask her what happened and I didnt. But the situation became worse. She didnt go to work the following day and the day after the following day. As I found out later, she quit the job, or better to say she was fired because the manager made a remark. It drove her insane and she started screaming, breaking stuff around, and attacked a couple of customers.
How did I find it out? I went to that shop to buy some groceries and the manager said that Im not welcome here and its better to leave. I asked why and he told me the story. I was super disappointed and furious. I wanted to throw up but it wouldnt have changed my status in that store.
When I came back, my emotions were on the highest level. I started yelling at my mom. Dont make me bad in this story. I was yelling because I was the only one who had the job. A 16-year-old girl will take care of herself and her family. Steve didnt work, even though we were the same age and live in the same freaking house. Elon had a job but he didnt help us. He just loved spending summer with us cause he didnt have to pay his own bills. But its not our topic right now.
When I was yelling at my mom, I regretted it 100500 times. She became insane, I swear. She took the knife under her pillow and wanted to stab me. Lucky me, I ran away and closed myself in my and my siblings room. Not lucky me, in the room, was Steve. He didnt care that mom was with a knife. We all knew that she loved Steve and wouldn't hurt him. I begged him not to open the door but he was bigger and stronger than me. Steve hit me three times in the head so that I almost passed out and did open the door
When I saw Mia, I eventually passed out.
I woke up, as I then found out, 9 hours later. All in bruises, cuts, with mind-blowing headache, stomach ache, and toothache. It was August 13th. Almost midnight. Everyone was sleeping and I was in the corner, sobbing and cursing my life. I didnt eat enough or even I can say at all for three days. So obviously I went to the kitchen to find even something small. My metabolism slowed down a long time ago, so I didnt need a lot of food. I was extremely happy when I found a piece of bread and some butter in the fridge. It was everything we had. I swear I enjoyed that sandwich for 10 minutes. Small bites and careful chewing. Then I went to bed and was woken up at 12 AM.
My mom hollered at Agnes. She thought that the youngest one had eaten bread. Agnes was crying and mom started beating her. She didnt have rules. She hit her in the same way as me. Mia is a genuine misogynist. Brothers were loved and taken care of whereas my sister and I were constantly abused in any possible way.
I was still a human being and I didnt want to end up like my parents so I decided to plead guilty. But damn, I am the only one who works and I cant get food. Im not guilty. But she didnt think so.
I quickly entered the kitchen and told everything. I even tried to assure her that I earn money and that I can eat what I want in this house. It would have been so much better if I just had shut my mouth and accepted that its my fault.
Mom. Im the only one who brings money home. I didnt eat for a couple of days and it was just a small piece of bread. One small bite., its everything I said.
Im going to work and theres nothing to eat., she said really quietly. I was impressed.