Ostentatiously Cam dropped her wrist and walked away. Angela braced herself, prepared for a loud and angry condemnation of her shallowness. She was surprised when, after a moment, he turned and said in a clipped voice, Are those your terms? Not to sleep in my bed? If I agree to that, you are willing to marry me?
Angela stared at him, flabbergasted. What? You still want to marry me? Knowing how I feel about you?
His face was as impassive as stone. I told you, I expect no love match. Tis more a a business arrangement on both sides. I did not ask to marry you in order to get between your sheets. If you think that I could live with a cold wife and not keep a warm and willing mistress stashed away for comfort, then you are very much mistaken.
Angelas lip curled. Of course. You would have to have a mistress.
What do you think? That I should live a celibate because you are too fine a lady to let a common man into your bed?
No. I think only that you should leave me in peace.
However, if I agreed to such terms, it would eliminate the possibility of heirs, now, wouldnt it? I had wanted to have children with the Stanhope blood, the Stanhope place in Society. I had wanted to see my children acknowledged by families such as yours.
You think that our children would have any place in Society? Angela retorted sarcastically. The offspring of a servant and a divorcée? There isnt a chance in hell. You would do better if you married a genteel maiden, even if her parentage were lower. Better yet, go back to the United States. It is where you belong.
No. His voice was quiet. I have found that I do not belong anywhere. He paused, then went on, Again I ask, what if I agree to your terms? If I agreed that sharing a bed would not be part of our arrangement, would you marry me then?
She gazed at him stormily, hating the roil of emotions inside her, hating his unflappable calm. Jeremy desperately needed her help, and she owed him for the way he had helped her during and after her divorce. She felt very guilty about refusing to do what was necessary to save him; it seemed horribly selfish. If Cam remained true to his word, perhaps it would not be so bad. Cam had never been mean or violent with her when they were young, and he seemed not to have enough emotions about her now to get enraged enough to hit her. If he kept to his promise not to make her sleep with him.
I dont know, she said honestly. I would have no way of being sure that the terms would be fulfilled. Twould be easy to say that you would not take me, but after we were married, my body would be yours, not mine.
Cams eyes darkened at her words, and his mouth softened subtly. A curious way to put it, he murmured.
A truthful way.
If I gave you my word, you must realize that I would not break it. Surely you know me well enough to know that.
I dont know you at all anymore. Angela took a step back, glancing around her uncertainly. I dont know what to do. She turned and ran from the room.
Angela sat on the bench in the arbor, sketching a stand of irises that had just come into bloom. She had spent most of the past three days, ever since her confrontation with Cam, out on the moors, so that she could avoid having to talk to him. Her plan had worked well so far, but she was getting tired of having to escape from her own home, and when she saw the purplish irises, she had given in to an urge to draw them.
Her usual companions were sprawled around her. The sun was pleasantly warm on her face, and she felt lazy and contented. It was almost the way it was normally, the way it had been before Cam and Mr. Pettigrew came. The way it would be again, if only they would leave. She let out a little groan at the fact that she had allowed him to intrude upon her thoughts.
She closed her eyes and turned sideways on the bench, leaning back against the arched trellis that formed the arbor, and tried to recapture the feeling of content she had had earlier. She told herself that everything would be better laterexcept that Jeremy was going to be ruined financially, as well as socially. Firmly she pushed that thought from her mind. But she could not make it stay away. Angela knew that she could not let Jeremy be destroyed on her account. It was entirely within her power to save him. She hated that fact. She hated Cam for having put her in such a position. She wondered what marriage to Cam might be like, whether he would keep his promise not to seek her bed.
Years ago, she would have trusted him with her life, she knew. He had been her god, her idol; she had loved him with a childs worshiping heart long before they fell in love as adults. Her father had died when she was young, and her mother had usually been sick, which had left her in the company of her grandparents, who were too old and not of the disposition, anyway, to enjoy talking to or playing with a child. She had been left primarily in the charge of her governess after she got old enough to leave Nurses care, and that prim woman had provided little affection or attention to a girl hungry for it. But Cam had had time for her. He had listened to her, talked to her, been her friend.
Hot tears welled in Angelas eyes, surprising her, and seeped out beneath her lids.
Crying at the prospect of your wedding, my dear? a familiar voice drawled, not three feet away from her. Cant say that I blame you.
Angela gasped, her eyes flying open, her entire body suddenly chilled to the marrow. Lord Dunstan was standing on the narrow dirt pathway that led to the arbor.