Operator: Please, hold on and Ill put you through (waiting) Im sorry to have kept you waiting, but Im afraid, Mr. Satan is very busy at the moment. However, we can see that youre going to visit us soon, so would you like to make a reservation? We can put you up directly on your way to purgatory
Old American: No thanks, not this time not quite ready yet. Tell Mr. Satan Ill call him back later on. Goodbye!
The old man hung up the phone and turned to his cousin: You know, last time this call didnt work from my house in Iowa. The line was breaking up and I seemed to be hanging on for ages, so I cut the call off. This time the connection was great with no delays fantastic!
Next morning, a postman delivered the phone bill. The old American opened it and was once again surprised.
Old American: Is this right? The charges are ten times less than I had in the USA. This is way too cheap.
His Cousin (grinning): Yes, but in the USA its long-distance from Russia its just a local call!
* A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS
Julie couldnt get through to Bill all day and was very upset. She didnt want to talk to her classmates and went home alone. Her mother was cooking an apple pie in the kitchen and was chatting with a friend of hers on the phone. When she hung up, she smiled at Julie and said, A penny for your thoughts, honey. You look sad. Whats happened? Julie didnt say anything and just went upstairs to her room. She had no thoughts, nothing but disappointment and bitter resentment.
* I CANT GET THROUGH
Jim (listening to long beeps in the receiver): Hey, Tom, pick up the phone! Where are you, goddamn it?!
Tom (cheerily): Hello! Hello?.. Whos calling?
Jim: Tom, its me, Jim! Can you hear me?
Tom: Who? Jane? Sorry, you are breaking up.
Jim: No, not Jane! Tom, its me, Jim! Ive been calling you for the whole morning. You arent picking up the phone. You mother said this was your number.
Tom: Ah, Jimmy. Its you! Im in the shopping center with Mary now. Its crowded. Speak up, please!
Jim: Hey, I couldnt get through to you yesterday. A girl picked up the phone, wrong number and I pissed her off dialing ten times or so. She eventually cut me off and switched off the phone.
Tom: What number did you dial?
Jim: Its 8852476391. Its in my diary. Is it wrong?
Tom: Yes, it is. Mine is 8852176394. Mother mixed up 4 and 1.
Jim: Lucky me, Julie had Marys number.
Tom: Great! Sorry, hold on, please! Mary is calling me asking to have a look at her. Shes trying on a new dress. Ill be back in a flash!
Jim: Dont hang up on me! Im waiting
Tom: OK, Im back. Sorry to have kept you waiting. OK, whats up?
Jim: There is a problem with our holiday. I cant get through to Jane. She had to phone around to find a cheap hotel. I left a message on her answering machine but she didnt get back to me.
Tom: Did you call her office?
Jim: The operator in the office put me through to her but I got cut off. Can you believe it? We are leaving early tomorrow morning and I dont know whether shes booked a hotel or not. The operator later said Jane had called in to say she was taking a day off.
Tom: OK, calm down! Dont worry, well come up with something. I have a friend in Luton. Ill call him and ask to put us up for a day until we find out whats going on. Keep in touch! See you and Julie tomorrow at the railway station! Dont be late.
3. MONEY
* IT COSTS AN ARM AND A LEG
Ben tried his best to meet his parents expectations he studied well and never slacked off. They paid for his college and helped him enter one of the Ivy League universities. To do that they had to borrow money. Ben graduated and soon realised he had no wish to trade stocks and shares. So he suffered a change of heart and left for Nepal to become a Buddhist monk. Their second son, Tom, was not as devoted to education as his elder brother, he often skived off at school and loved to show off. He used to tell his parents he wouldnt like to follow his brothers footsteps and asked them to let him make his own choice. By the age of 16 he hadnt any plans, unfortunately and his parents realised that things started disappearing from their house. When they found out it was Tom who had been stealing them to sell them on, it was too late. Their younger son turned out to be a drug-addict and he could not live without them. They wasted a lot of money to take him into a drug rehabilitation center. It didnt help. He ran away, broke into their house and stole his parents credit cards. The next morning they didnt have a penny in their accounts. It was time to pay up the next instalment of the loan they had taken out long ago to help their elder son. So they were forced to sell their cars and some furniture for a song to pay it off. Eventually, their good intentions cost an arm and a leg.
* HELP ME GET BY FOR A WHILE, PLEASE
Hi Rob,
How are you coping financially this term? Could you lend me some money to bail me out, please? I failed to pay my fees last week; Id gone through a huge amount of money for games. I couldnt imagine Id run out of it so quickly. Last year my parents coughed up 1k without a problem. But this time no chance. I didnt goof off for the whole term, I had A grades and now I am just lacking the money to go on. If you could help me, I guess Id work off the debt during the holidays. A friend of mine helped me get a job in her parents café. But itll take some time to earn money. So I hope youll help me to get by for a while until I get a more stable income.
Love,
Jessie
* IT GOBBLES UP MY MONEY
Hi Jill,
I cant believe its my mobile phone bill. I enabled a stream video subscription last week and it gobbled up almost all the money I had earned in the café. Besides, I ran up so many other bills that I had to break into my account, which I had been saving for the holidays for the whole year.
Monica
* EXPENSIVE SAFARI
Hi Dave,
The trip to South Africa was fabulous! Im just back and I found out it set me back $5,000US and cleaned me out completely. To tell you the truth, I found myself in a pretty awkward predicament. So I was just wondering if you could lend me a couple of hundred dollars just to get along until my next pay cheque? Itll be next week and Ill settle up with you then.