Yes, I mumbled softly, but in reality, what had I answered? That I had spent the day sitting or that my bones were already beginning to claim my attention? In my younger days, I would play sports practically every day, now I had to take a pill some days to be able to withstand the pain, especially in the knees, which I think wasnt due to a lack of walking, but rather the endless hours I spent sitting.
She was right, what she had said was correct. I forced myself to follow her without protesting again, when I suddenly thought that I had been sitting the whole time, looking for information in those books that Id taken from the shelves that she had indicated, but from there I could see her back at her work station, where I had noticed that there was nowhere for her to sit. Shed been standing the entire the time.
What strength! I thought. I would not have endured it. Well, I reasoned as an excuse, shell be used to it; a specific result of the years shes been doing this kind of work.
Since I was distracted by my thoughts, and as she continued on in silence, I hadnt realized where we were, nor the streets wed passed. That usually happens when youre driving, if youre alone you have to pay attention to everything to get to the place you want to go, but if someone next to you is giving you directions, when you arrive, you realize that if you had to go back, you wouldnt know where to go, since you didnt pay attention to where you had come from, you had only relied on the person who was guiding you and following their instructions. That was what had happened to me and I almost missed the place, when I heard:
Here it is! Weve arrived. Now youll see how to find what youre looking for. I think its the place where they have the most material on that subject in all of Santiago.
Shed stopped, and I hadnt heard, but when I did, I quickly stopped and looked at the window. It was a very old bookstore. She went in right away, and before I could reach her, she was already greeting an old man who was seated and who I took to be the owner. When I got close to them, I heard the man as he got up from his seat and greeted her.
Hello Pilar, how long has it been without seeing you? I thought youd forgotten the address of this place, or have you been so busy that youve not had time to come visit an old friend?
She said to him softly in apology:
Im sorry, I dont get much spare time as you know, but youre right, its been too long since the last time and it shouldnt have been so. How is everything?
Good! As always! As for my ailments, you know, fine! So what brings you here today? I see youre in good company, said the man, whom I could see as he winked at her while he said it.
Sorry! Sorry! she said as she turned to me. Let me introduce you to, and looking at me she said:
How scatterbrained of me! I dont even know your name.
As scatterbrained as ever, you havent changed a bit, the old bookseller said and laughed. I remember that first time we met, the shy curious girl who needed to ask something, but her shame kept her from even speaking. How I asked you to write it down for me so I could find out, because your words came out so broken that there was no way to understand you. Do you remember what you wrote? the old man asked leaning into her ear.
No, she replied, a little surprised by the unexpected question.
Well I do, I havent forgotten it, despite all the time thats gone by. You wrote on that paper in big letters, so I could read it properly, Everything you have about the Virgin and the Apparitions of Fatima. Yep, thats right, thats what she wrote for me on that piece of paper, the man said looking at me. I, a communist recognized by everyone, let out a huge laugh that was heard throughout the store, and you tearfully asked me for forgiveness. I still dont know why, because you hadnt done anything to offend me.
Well, lets get back to today, as Im an old man, I live more and more in the past and in my memories, which are certainly more fun than daily life, where nothing different ever happens. Every day is the same, nobody comes in here and I spend the morning with the duster, going over the old books so that the dust doesnt accumulate too much. It cant be left even for a single day, and in the afternoon sitting in the doorway enjoying a coffee and taking a little sun, if the sun has deigned to visit us that day, and if not, I drink my coffee sitting by the heater so that these old bones dont protest too much, if thats even possible. And how are things in your life? he asked her suddenly, as if he were just realizing that she was still there.
Pilar, you didnt get married, right? Do you still have that little gray kitten that gave you such good company, and that kept ruining that cushion you were so fond of?
That was a hundred years ago, how can you remember all that? she asked laughing.
Come on, youre exaggerating! he answered. Yes, its true that the years have indeed passed. You had pretty brown braids back then, and now I see some gray hair in there, which you surely havent colored yourself, he said quietly.
No, theyre natural, she replied with a sad smile, how time flies!
Okay, okay, lets leave this melancholy behind and you told me you had come with this young man but I havent let you tell me why, he added, looking at me.
Well, its almost the same as that first time, she responded, to learn everything you have about The Apparitions of Fatima, which seems to be something that interests him, and as you know, thats my area. I was very happy that someone had reminded me of this, and I told him that I would help him find that information, some of which Im sure he can find around here somewhere.
Young man, the old man said suddenly, are you a believer?
Surprised by his question, I answered him haltingly:
No, but does that matter?
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It was a subject that was very clear in my mind and that I had discussed for a long time with family and friends, but when I arrived at University, the belief that you can be a good person without believing in anything became stronger, and that was my philosophy of life.
It was hard for my mother to understand, because she had always been very involved within the parish and had tried to get the five of us to continue with those religious beliefs and practices.
Let the kids find their own way, theyre honest and good people, and theyll learn their beliefs over time and make their own decisions, said my father.
He always accompanied her to mass, but he didnt get involved in anything else, leaving us with freedom and decision-making power, which my mother told him was not good for our future.
One day, knocking on the door of my room, asking for permission to come in, my older sister Carmen told me shed been talking with Don Ignacio, the priest at our parish, who had known us since we were little, who had baptized us and with whom we had made our First Holy Communion.
What happened if you didnt believe in anything? That was the question she told me she had asked. What you had to do was look for answers, those that would convince you and dont let yourself be swayed by the impositions of others. That was the response that the priest had given her, and Carmen added, But I didnt say anything to him about you, I made it out as though it was a doubt that I was having.