Mother, what is distressing you so? Alexandra asked softly, reaching out to take her mothers hand.
I dont like it here! Rhea pulled her hand out of Alexandras grasp, replacing it around the small wooden box. Its always cold, and the people are odd. They dont like me. None of the servants like me.
They dont dislike you, Alexandra assured her, not adding that they were more scared of Rhea than anything else. They just have a different way about them. There are so many wonderful things yet to see. Why, we havent even left London yet! Theres still Stonehenge and Stratford-on-Avon, and Scotland. Its supposed to be beautiful there.
Here we go, Miz Rhea. Nancy entered the room briskly, a small tray in her hand. Ive got your chocolate all ready.
Rhea brightened, turning toward the servant and reaching for the cup of steaming liquid.
Now, I reckon that will hit the spot, Nancy went on cheerfully. And then, if you like, I can loosen your hair and rub lavender on your temples, and you can have a nice little nap before teatime. How does that sound?
Just the thing, Rhea murmured, a smile beginning to touch her lips.
Alexandra decided to leave her mother in Nancys capable hands and made her way downstairs to the sitting room, where her aunt was installed, working away at a piece of embroidery.
Hello, dear. Aunt Hortense looked at her. It sounds as if you succeeded.
I got her to open her door, if thats success. Alexandra sank into a chair near her aunt. Oh, Auntie, Im afraid I made a terrible mistake in bringing Mother here. Perhaps I should have left her at home.
Oh, no, dear, she would have been so lonely.
I dont know. She didnt want to come. She didnt even want me to. But I wouldnt listen. I was so sure that she would be better with me, that she would enjoy it once we got herethat she was just afraid to travel, you know.
I am sure she is better with you. Its better that we canwell, keep an eye on her. You would have worried yourself silly if we had been over here and your mother back home, and you had no idea what she was doing or if anything had happened to her.
Yes, but shes so much worse! Alexandra shot to her feet and began to pace. Ive been selfish. I wanted to see England, to visit all the places Ive always heard and read about. I was so sure it would help our business.
And it has, hasnt it?
Yes, I think so. And I have enjoyed myself. There is no denying it. I would have hated to give it up. But Mother has been acting so strangelylocking herself up in her room, saying odd, wild things. Why, do you know last night that she looked at me as if she didnt even know who I was! And today, throwing a pot of tea at that poor girl. I dont care how cold it was or how little she wanted tea. It is decidedly bizarre behavior for a grown woman.
Aunt Hortense sighed. Yes, it is.
I mean, it isnt as if she were some ignorant person who had grown up in the wilds somewhere. Why, she used to be a diplomats wife!
I know. And she was excellent at it. Rhea was always so good at giving parties, so skilled in getting people to talk and enjoy themselves. She always had odd turns, of course, when she was rather melancholy, but most of the time she was quite vivacious and happysparkling, really. I used to envy Rhea her ability to make friends, to draw people to her.
What happened to her? Alexandra asked bleakly.
Her aunt shook her head. I dont know, dear. She has been getting worse for years. It was better when you were young. But even then, it seemed to me that she had very melancholy moments. I often wonderwell, she was never the same after she came home from Paris. Hirams death affected her greatly, you see. They were most devoted. Ive often suspected that she saw things during that Revolution, horrible things that affected her long afterward. She had a great deal of trouble sleeping at first. I could hear her up, pacing the floor long after everyone had gone to bed. Sometimes she would cryoh, fit to break your heart. I felt so sorry for her. But what could I do? All I could think of was to take care of you and the house as best I could, to help her with all the business things that she disliked so. Even with Mr. Perkins managing the shipping business and her cousin running the store, she hated to have to listen to their reports and try to sort out their advice. I dont know, perhaps it was a mistake. Perhaps I took away too much responsibility from her. But she seemed so helpless, so needy
I know. Im sure you did what was best. Mother could not have handled raising me or managing the house by herself, much less running a business, too. You must not blame yourself.
And you must not, either, her aunt retorted decisively, bobbing her head. Your mother is the way she is, and whos to say she wouldnt have been worse if you had left her back in Massachusetts with only servants and distant relatives to take care of her? She is used to having the two of us with her. She probably would have taken it into her head that we had abandoned her or some such notion.
Thats true.
And dont tell me that you shouldnt have come to England at all, for I wont hold with that. You cant live your whole life around your mothersoddities.
I suppose youre right. Its just so distressing to see her this way. Sometimes I She stopped abruptly.
Sometimes you what? Aunt Hortense turned to look at her niece when she did not continue.
Nothing.
It sounded like something to me. Out with it. Is something else troubling you?
No. Only Alexandras voice dropped to little more than a whisper. Do you ever wonder if Mother iswell She twisted her hands, frowning, reluctant to voice the fear that had been nagging at her for some time now. What if shes not just odd? What if shes mad?
Wherever did you come up with such nonsense? Aunt Hortense demanded indignantly. Your mother is not mad! How can you say that?
I dont want to think it! Alexandra cried, her voice tinged with desperation. But youve seen how she acts. Most of the time I tell myself that she isnt insaneobviously shes not insane. After all, she doesnt run screaming naked through the house or tear her clothes and try to do herself harm like Mr. Culpeppers sister did.
I should say not! Aunt Hortense crossed her arms pugnaciously.
But sometimes I cant help but think these things she says and does are not simply genteel eccentricities. Arent they something worse? More peculiar? In a person without wealth or standing in the community, mightnt they be called evidences of madness?
It doesnt matter what theyd call it if she were poor, because she isnt and never has been. Shes not mad. Shes justmore fragile than the rest of us.
I hope youre right. Alexandra summoned up a small smile for her aunt, but she could not completely rid herself of doubt. Nor could she admit, even to Aunt Hortense, the other cold fear that lay beneath her worry. If her mother did indeed lean toward madness, would the taint of it lie in her own blood, as well? Might she, someday, disintegrate into insanity?
CHAPTER THREE
ALEXANDRA TOOK A LAST LOOK AT HERSELF in the long mirror of the hallway; then, satisfied that she would look her best among the titled crowd this evening, she turned toward the staircase. Her deep rose satin gown would doubtless be outshone by many of the gowns on the ladies present at the ball. Her clothes, while of good cut and material, were not in the first stare of fashion in London, and she had not brought her very best ball gown with her, not thinking that she would attend anything dressier than the opera. Still, she knew that the dress was fashionable enough to cause no comment, and she had the satisfaction of knowing that its rose color was excellent on her, bringing out the rose in her cheeks and contrasting stunningly with her black hair. Her hair was done up in a mass of curls, thick and shining, with a pale pink rose nestled on one side as adornment. In her hand she carried, besides her fan, a small corsage of rosebuds delivered an hour earlier and sent, she was sure, by Lord Thorpe, though the card had contained no message.