[After thinking a little and then looking at me slyly] What? I cant believe it, is it really my mother?
Of course, mother! She used to tell you: Be patient, sonny. Try hard, sonny. She herself was a workaholic, a foremost person in industry. It turns out that you are working not for yourself but for your mother. Though she loves you in any case But she didnt teach you to be happy, she taught you to be hardworking and persistent!
Commentary. The businessman wanted to feel happy getting his mothers approval, but he didnt realize that. His mothers approval, when he followed her advice, gave him the feeling of wellbeing, self-accepting and clear conscience. But if he got some pleasure for himself, his personal happiness, it was as if he was idle and became bad at once. He tortured himself seeking values of hard labor and achievements that his mother approved, though his real mother would in every case have approved of him. He was guided by the desire to get the approval and the fear to get disapproval. But from his own point of view he didnt apply enough efforts, so he exhausted himself by hard work but failed to get the desirable happiness.
Thus, people are guided by feelings, even though they dont notice that.
However, few people would agree to get pure positive emotion, not supported by actual results, as, for example, drug addicts. Most people try to achieve real results, the result that would give the feeling of profound satisfaction and even, as many people hope, the feeling of happiness. It is the real result and not an illusion of it, that gives the feeling of solidity and confidence, that gives fool value to other emotions, connected with this result. Unfortunately, people often deceive themselves, and when they achieve their real goals, they dont feel happy, sometimes they dont even feel delighted. Why it happens is a long story. But the fact is that personal emotional reaction determines the significance of the result for this person. For example, when a child cries bitterly because his balloon has flown away, the adult may not be very upset, but somewhat disturbed because he is not sure how to console the child, how to explain to him that what happened is a trifle.
2. Emotion as the main goal
But some things that people deal with are meant in fact for the only purpose to feel certain emotion; in this case emotions are both the goal and the result of some kind of activities. It is for this that fans come to the stadium, people listen to music, some people gamble, go in for extreme kinds of sports, meet with friends, mark holidays, let off fireworks, dance and sing and, why not, make love. Some psychologists think that orgasm is not an emotion, but what is it then? Emotions themselves are important, they give us something, and it is also important. And it is clear that positive emotions give us health, fill us with energy. Negative emotions tell badly on how we feel, on our health, deprive us of our strength.
When a person is incapable of feeling pleased, of feeling positive emotions, we call it apathy, nothing matters for him. If he not only wants nothing, but is constantly in low spirits, feels dysphoria, then we can speak of depression. In other cases, a person is worried all the time. He feels guilty, sorrowful. Then the goal is to get rid of those unpleasant feelings.
There is always room for improvement. Everybody seeks to have good feelings, positive emotions which make the basis for adequate reactions, clear thinking, ability to be creative. In soviet culture this optimal emotional state is Called happiness, in Hinduism Samadhi, in Buddhism enlightening [purity in spirit], in Christian tradition it is divine grace. Happiness is the feeling of absolute psychological freedom which can be defined as the feeling of limitless opportunities. In this state a person gets so much energy that he feels as if he were overfilled with it and, because of that, with good feelings. Whatever he does, it is easy and not tiring. The surrounding reality is perceived as comfortable and safe, other people dont arouse the feeling of threat, he thinks about them with warm and friendly feelings. This is how a person in love feels, when he knows that he is loved too, and then love and joy overfill him.
Happiness is a mans natural state. He can get to this state when all the obstacles to feeling happy are removed. These obstacles are numerous negative emotions, taboos and tensions. Taboos and tensions in their turn can be fixed as chronic emotions, and a part of them can be positive. The paradox is that to be happy it is necessary just to get back to you true self, to stop suppressing and distorting your nature.
3. The way you feel is also an emotion
People care a lot about how they feel, but they dont consider it to be an emotion, they consider it to be the consequence of the state of their health. But even when feeling well or feeling bad is the result of good health or illness, a person feels it as any other emotion. This emotion actually expresses or reflects good or bad state of the body, and it can cause some changes in the body, for example, the secretion of adrenalin or other hormones. It is the so called autonomous nervous system that runs the whole inner chemistry of the body. It is not subjected to conscious management, but is by emotions that it is governed by. If a person chronically has certain emotional states, the impact of these emotions can lead to some psychosomatic disease.
It is true, all emotions are in fact felt physically, bodily. In what other way can we know about our feelings? They are not flying in the air, after all That is why the word emotion has two meanings: one is emotion such as love or joy and the other the state of our body such as cheerfulness, wholeness, liveliness vigor etc. What we call how a person feels in terms of his health is bodily feeling. How are you feeling? we ask someone meaning how he himself feels the state of his health. Well, he complains, my heart aches a little. Pain is also an emotion, suffering is emotion, happiness is emotion. In NLP it is called kinesthetic representation of reality that is representation connected with the body. For us emotion is the subjective expression of the state of a person and his body as one whole, in its unity, and not just information. These are both the reactions of the body, inner changes in the body and also feelings which occur in the inner world.
4. Emotion as energy
Emotion is a motive pushing a person to some action. It is a kind of gasoline or electric power getting to some parts of the body to stimulate some activity. The emotion of fear makes the body shrink or run away and stop any contact with the frightening situation. The emotion of anger stimulates the repulse to the aggressor and even to attack the object putting obstacles on the way to some aims. In this sense emotions are the embodiment of inner energy which expresses itself in various forms and fulfils different functions. In fact, no action can be made unless it is motivated by emotion. A need, a motive are scientific notions, but in actual behavior they are felt as emotions which push to action. We can say, for example, that sexual attraction is determined by the need to continue your family, but this need is felt as love and sexual desire. This feeling makes a person look for a suitable match and then find means to gain his or her sympathy etc.
Negative emotions also have a very important function in regulating a persons behavior. They restrict possible was of behavior which, as a rule, are dangerous, harmful or socially unacceptable. Trying to avoid such feelings as shame, guilt, fear or anger at oneself, the person doesnt make actions which can arouse such feelings. But once they arise such feelings have a destructive effect on a persons health and psyche. But sometimes a person can have such chronic feelings not because he did something that deserves punishment but for no reason at all. These and similar emotions may be destructive for the person himself and for the people surrounding him.