For this, however, Gilbert seemed to have no force; he cried piteously, bewailed himself, vowed incoherently that he would never do so again, and if she had not pitied him so much, would have made her think him contemptible.
She was inexorable as to having the whole told, though dreading the confession scarcely less than he did; and he finally made a virtue of necessity, and promised to tell, if only she would not desert him, declaring, with a fresh flood of tears, that he should never do wrong when she was by. Then came the apology. It was most necessary, and he owned that it would be much better to be able to tell his father that his grandmother had forgiven him; but he really had not nerve to set out alone, and Albinia, who had begun to dread having him out of sight, consented to go and protect him.
He shrank behind her, and she had to bear the flood of Marias surprises and regrets, before she could succeed in saying that he was very sorry for yesterdays improper behaviour, and had come to ask pardon.
Grandmamma was placable; Gilberts white face and red eyes were pleading enough, and she was distressed at Mrs. Kendal having come out, looking pale and tired. If she had been alone, the only danger would have been that the offence would be lost in petting; but Maria had been personally wounded, and the jealousy she already felt of the step-mother, had been excited to the utmost by Gilberts foolish words. She was excessively grieved, and a great deal more angry with Mrs. Kendal than with Gilbert; and the want of justification for this feeling, together with her great excitement, distress, and embarrassment, made her attempts to be dry and dignified ludicrously abortive. She really seemed to have lost the power of knowing what she said. She was glad Mrs. Kendal could walk up this morning, since she could not come at night.
It was not my fault, said Albinia, earnestly; Mr. Kendal forbade me. I am sure I wish we had come.
The old lady would have said something kind about not reproaching herself, but Miss Meadows interposed with, It was very unlucky, to be sureMr. Kendal never failed them before, not that she would wishbut she had always understood that to let young people run about late in the evening by themselvesnot that she meant anything, but it was very unfortunateif she had only been awareBetty should have come down to walk up with them.
Gilbert could not forbear an ashamed smile of intense affront at this reproach to his manliness.
It was exceedingly unfortunate, said Albinia, trying to repress her vexation; but Gilbert must learn to have resolution to guard himself. And now that he is come to ask your forgiveness, will you not grant it to him?
Oh, yes, yes, certainly, I forgive him from my heart. Yes, Gilbert, I do, only you must mind and bewareit is a very shocking thinglow company and all thatyouve made yourself look as illand if you knew what a cake Betty had madealmond and citron bothbut its for Master Gilbert, she said, and I dont grudgeand then to thinkoh, dear!
Albinia tried to express for him some becoming sorrow at having disappointed so much kindness, but she brought Miss Meadows down on her again.
Oh, yesshe grudged nothingbut she never expected to meet with gratitudeshe was quite prepared and she swallowed and almost sobbed, there had been changes. She was ready to make every excuseshe was sure she had done her bestbut she understoodshe didnt want to be assured. It always happened soshe knew her homely ways were not what Mrs. Kendal had been used toand she didnt wondershe only hoped the dear children and she was absolutely crying.
My dear Maria, said her mother, soothingly, you have worked yourself into such a state, that you dont know what you are saying. You must not let Mrs. Kendal think that we dont know that she is leading the dear children to all that is right and kind towards as.
Oh, no, I dont accuse any one. Only if they like to put me down under their feet and trample on me, they are welcome. Thats all I have to say.
Albinia was too much annoyed to be amused, and said, as she rose to take leave, I think it would be better for Gilbert, as well as for ourselves, if we were to say no more till some more cool and reasonable moment.
I am as cool as possible, said Miss Meadows, convulsively clutching her hand; Im not excited. Dont excite yourself, Mrs. Kendalit is very bad for you. Tell her not, Mammaoh! no, dont be excitedI mean nothingI forgive poor dear Gibbie whatever little mattersI know there was excuseboys with unsettled homesbut pray dont go and excite yourselfyou see how cool I am
And she pursued Albinia to the garden-gate, recommending her at every step not to be excited, for she was as cool as possible, trembling and stammering all the time, with flushed cheeks, and tears in her eyes.
I wonder who she thinks is excited? exclaimed Albinia, as they finally turned their backs on her.
It was hardly in human nature to help making the observation, but it was not prudent. Gilbert took licence to laugh, and say, Aunt Maria is beside herself.
I never heard anything so absurd or unjust! cried Albinia, too much irritated to remember anything but the sympathy of her auditor. If I am to be treated in this manner, I have done striving to please them. Due respect shall be shown, but as to intimacy and confidence
Im glad you see it so at last! cried Gilbert. Aunt Maria has been the plague of my life, and Im glad I told her a bit of my mind!
What was Albinias consternation! Her moments petulance had undone her mornings work.
Gilbert, she said, we are both speaking very wrongly. I especially, who ought to have helped you.
Spite of all succeeding humility the outburst had been fatal, and argue and plead as she might, she could not restore the boy to anything like the half satisfactory state of penitence in which she had led him from home. The giving way to her worse nature had awakened his, and though he still allowed that she should prepare the way for his confession to his father, all real sense of his outrageous conduct towards his aunt was gone.
Disheartened and worn out, Albinia did not feel equal even to going to take off her walking things, but sat down in the drawing-room on the sofa, and tried to silence the girls questions and chatter, by desiring Lucy to read aloud.
By-and-by Mr. Kendal was heard returning, and she rose to arrest him in the hall. Her looks began the story, for he exclaimed, My dear Albinia, what is the matter?
Oh, Edmund, I have such things to tell you! I have been doing so wrong.
She was almost sobbing, and he spoke fondly. No, Albinia, I can hardly believe that. Something has vexed you, and you must take time to compose yourself.
He led her up to her own room, tried to soothe her, and would not listen to a word till she should be calm. After lying still for a little while, she thought she had recovered, but the very word Gilbert brought such an expression of anxiety and sternness over his brow as overcame her again, and she could not speak without so much emotion that he silenced her; and finding that she could neither leave the subject, nor mention it without violent agitation, he said he would leave her for a little while, and perhaps she might sleep, and then be better able to speak to him. Still she held him, and begged that he would say nothing to Gilbert till he had heard her, and to pacify her he yielded, passed his promise, and quitted her with a kiss.