He seemed to have no substance in him; he had hardly had energy to undress himself, and she found him with his face hidden on the pillow, shivering audibly, and actually crying. She was aghast.
The boys with whom she had been brought up, would never have given way so entirely without resistance; but between laughing, cheering, scolding, covering him up close, and rubbing his hands with her own, she comforted him, so that he could be grateful and cheerful when his father himself came up with the soup. Albinia noticed a sort of shudder pass over Mr. Kendal as he entered, and he stood close by Gilbert, turning his back on everything else, while he watched the boy eat the soup, as if restored by every spoonful. That was a good thought, was his comment to his wife, and the look of gratitude brought a flush of pleasure into her cheek.
Of all the dinners, this was the most pleasant; he was more gentle and affectionate, and she made him tell her about the Persian poets, and promise to show her some specimens of the Rose Garden of Saadishe had never before been so near having his pursuits opened to her.
What a favourite Gilbert is! Lucy said to Sophia, as Albinia lighted a candle and went up to his room.
He makes such a fuss, said Sophy. What is there in being wet through to cry about?
Albinia heard a little shuffle as she opened the door, and Gilbert pushed a book under his pillow. She asked him what he had been reading. Oh, he said, he had not been doing it long, for the flickering of the candle hurt his eyes.
Yes, you had better not, said Albinia, moving the flaring light to a less draughty part of the dingy whitewashed attic. Or shall I read to you?
Are you come to stay with me? cried the boy, raising himself up to look after her, as she moved about the room and stood looking from the window over the trees at the water meadows, now flooded into a lake, and lighted by the beams of a young moon.
I can stay till your father is ready for tea, said Albinia, coming nearer. Let me see whether your hands are hot.
She found her own hand suddenly clasped, and pressed to his lips, and then, as if ashamed, he turned his face away; nor would she betray her pleasure in it, but merely said, Shall I go on with your book!
No, said he, wearily turning his reddened cheek to the other side. I only took it because it is so horrid lying here thinking.
I am very sorry to hear it. Do you know, Gibbie, that it is said there is nothing more lamentable than for a man not to like to have his own thoughts for his company, said she, gaily.
Ah! but! said Gilbert. If I lie here alone, Im always looking out there, and he pointed to the opposite recess. She looked, but saw nothing. Dont you know? he said.
Edmund? she asked.
He grasped her hands in both his own. Aye! Ned used to sleep there. I always look for him there.
Do you mean that you would rather have another room? I would manage it directly.
O no, thank you, I like it for some things. Take the candlelook by the shuttercut out in the wood.
The boys scoring of E. & G. K., was visible there.
Papa has taken all he could of Edmunds, said Gilbert, but he could not take that! No, I would not have any other room if you were to give me the best in the house.
I am sure not! But, my dear, considering what Edmund was, surely they should be gentle, happy thoughts that the room should give you.
He shuddered, and presently said, Do you know what? and paused; then continued, with an effort, getting tight hold of her hand, Just before Edmund diedhe lay out thereI lay herehe sat up all white in bed, and he called out, clear and loud, Mamma, GilbertI saw himand thenhe was dead! And you know mamma did dieand Im sure I shall! He had worked himself into a trembling fit, hid his face and sobbed.
But you have not died of the fever.
Yesbut I know it means that I shall die young! I am sure it does! It was a call! I heard Nurse say it was a call!
What was to be done with such a superstition? Albinia did not think it would be right to argue it away. It might be in truth a warning to him to guard his waysa voice from the twin-brother, to be with him through life. She knelt down by him, and kissed his forehead.
Dear Gilbert, she said, we all shall die.
Yes, but I shall die young.
And if you should. Those are happy who die young. How much pain your baby-brother and sisters have missed! How happy Edmund is now!
Then you really think it meant that I shall he cried, tremblingly. O dont! I cant die!
Your brother called on what he loved best, said Albinia. It may mean nothing. Or rather, it may mean that your dear twin-brother is watching for you, I am sure he is, to have you with him, for what makes your mortal life, however long, seem as nothing. It was a call to you to be as pure on earth as he is in heaven. O Gilbert, how good you should be!
Gilbert did not know whether it frightened him or soothed him to see his superstition treated with respectneither denied, nor reasoned away. But the ghastliness was not in the mere fear that death might not be far off.
The pillow had turned a little on one sideAlbinia tried to smooth itthe corner of a book peeped out. It was a translation of The Three Musqueteers, one of the worst and most fascinating of Dumas romances.
You wont tell papa! cried Gilbert, raising himself, in far more real and present terror than he had previously shown.
How did you get it? Whose is it?
It is my own. I bought it at Richardsons. It is very funny. But you wont tell papa? I never was told not; indeed I was not.
Now, Gilbert dear, will you tell me a few things? I do only wish what is good for you. Why dont you wish that papa should hear of this book?
Gilbert writhed himself.
You know he would not like it?
Then why did you take to reading it?
Oh! cried the boy, if you only did know how stupid and how miserable it has been! More than half myself gone, and Sophy always glum, and Lucy always plaguing, and Aunt Maria always being a torment, you would not wonder at ones doing anything to forget it!
Yes, but why do what you knew to be wrong?
Nobody told me not.
Disobedience to the spirit, then, if not to the letter. It was not the way to be happier, my poor boy, nor nearer to your brother and mother.
Things didnt use to be stupid when Ned was there! sobbed Gilbert, bursting into a fresh flood of tears.
Ah! Gilbert, I grieved most of all for you when first I heard your story, before I thought I should ever have anything to do with you, said Albinia, hanging over him fondly. I always thought it must be so forlorn to be a twin left solitary. But it is sadder still than I knew, if grief has made you put yourself farther from him instead of nearer.
I shall be good again now that I have you, said Gilbert, as he looked up into that sweet face.
And you will begin by making a free confession to your father, and giving up the book.
I dont see what I have to confess. He would be so angry, and he never told me not. Oh! I cannot tell him.
She felt that this was not the right way to begin a reformation, and yet she feared to press the point, knowing that the one was thought severe, the other timid.
At least you will give up the book, she said.
O dear! if you would let me see whether dArtagnan got to England. I must know that! Im sure there cant be any harm in that. Do you know what it is about?