You shouldnt bother, he said. Its been a hell of a day. And Im not very hungry.
Riley sat down beside him and rubbed his shoulders.
She said, But everythings practically ready. Arent you hungry enough for ribeye steaks?
Ribeyes? Ryan said with surprise. Can we afford it?
Fighting down a surge of irritation, Riley didnt reply. She handled the household finances, and she felt like she knew pretty well what they could afford and not afford.
Apparently sensing Rileys dismay, Ryan said
Ribeyes sound nice. Give me a few minutes to wash up.
Ryan got up and headed for the bathroom. Riley hurried back into the kitchen, took the potatoes out of the oven, and seared the steaks and broiled them so that theyd both be medium rare.
Ryan was seated at the table by the time she put their meals on the table. Hed poured glasses of wine for both of them.
Thanks, Ryan said, smiling weakly. This is nice.
As he cut into his steak he added, Im afraid Ive brought some work home. Ill have to get to it after we eat.
Riley suppressed a sigh of deep disappointment. Shed hoped their dinner would end more romantically.
She and Ryan ate in silence for a few moments. Then Ryan started to complain about his day
This entry level workits practically slave labor. Weve got to do all the heavy lifting for the partnersresearch, writing briefs, making sure everythings ready for the courtroom. And we put in longer hours than the partners by far. It feels like some kind of fraternity hazing, it except never stops.
Itll get better, Riley said.
Then she forced a laugh and added
Someday youll be a partner yourself. And youll have a team of entry level guys wholl go home and complain about you.
Ryan didnt laugh, and Riley couldnt blame him. It seemed like a lame joke now that shed said it.
Ryan kept grumbling during dinner, and Riley didnt know whether she felt more hurt or angry. Didnt he appreciate the effort shed gone to make everything as perfect as she could tonight?
And didnt he understand how much their lives were about to change?
When Ryan fell quiet for a few moments, Riley said
You know, were having a get-together tomorrow at the FBI building to celebrate the end of the internship. Youll be able to come, wont you?
Im afraid not, Riley. This is going to be a seven-day week.
Riley almost gasped.
But tomorrows Sunday, she said.
Ryan shrugged and said, Yeah, well, its like I saidslave labor.
Riley said, Look, its not going to take all day. Therell be a couple of speechesthe assistant director and our training supervisor will want to say a few words. And then there will be some snacks and
Ryan interrupted, Riley, Im sorry.
But Im leaving for Quantico tomorrow, right afterwards. Im taking my suitcase with me. I thought youd be driving me to the bus station.
I cant, Ryan said a bit sharply. Youll have to get there some other way.
They ate in silence for a few moments.
Riley struggled to understand what was happening. Why couldnt Ryan come with her tomorrow? It would only take a couple of hours out of his day. Then something began to dawn on her.
She said, You still dont want me to go to Quantico.
Ryan let out a groan of annoyance.
Riley, lets not get started on this, he said.
Riley felt her face redden with anger.
She said, Well, its now or never, isnt it?
Ryan said, Youve made your decision. I took it to be final.
Rileys eyes widened.
My decision? she said. I thought it was our decision.
Ryan sighed. Were not going to have this conversation, he said. Lets just finish eating, OK?
Riley sat there and stared at him as he continued to pick at his meal.
She found herself wondering
Is Ryan right?
Did I just railroad us both into this?
She thought back to their conversations, trying to remember, trying to sort it out. She remembered how proud Ryan had been of her when shed stopped the Clown Killer
You saved at least one womans life. By solving the case, you may have saved other lives as well. Its crazy. I think maybe youre crazy. But youre also a hero.
At the time, shed thought that was what he wantedfor her to pursue a career with the FBI, to keep right on being a hero.
But now that she thought about it, Riley couldnt remember him saying those precise words. Ryan had never told her
I want you to go to the academy. I want you to follow your dream.
Riley took some long, slow breaths.
We need to discuss this calmly, she thought.
Finally she said
Ryan, what do you want? For us, I mean?
Ryan tilted his head as he looked at her.
Do you really want to know? he asked.
Rileys throat tightened sharply.
I want to know, she said. Tell me what you want.
A pained look crossed Ryans face. Riley found herself dreading what he was going to say next.
Finally he said, I just want a family.
Then he shrugged and ate another bite of steak.
Feeling a glimmer of relief, Riley said, I want that too.
Do you? Ryan asked.
Of course I do. You know I do.
Ryan shook his head and said, Im not sure even you know what you really want.
Riley felt as though shed been punched in the stomach. For a moment she simply didnt know what to say.
Then she said, Dont you think I can have a career and a family?
Sure I do, Ryan said. Women do it all the time these days. Its called having it all, I hear. Its tough and it takes planning and sacrifices, but it can be done. And Id love to help you do all that. But
His voice faded.
But what? Riley asked.
He breathed deeply, then said, Maybe it would be different if you wanted to become a lawyer, like me. Or a doctor or a shrink. Or go into real estate. Or start your own business. Or become a college professor. I could relate to any of those things. I could deal with them. But this whole thing with going to the Academyyoure going to be in Quantico for 18 weeks! How much are we going to see each other during that whole time? Do you thin any relationship can survive so much time apart? And besides
He held Rileys gaze for a moment.
Then he said, Riley, youve almost been killed twice since Ive known you.
Riley gulped hard.
He was right, of course. Her most recent brush with death had been at the hands of the Clown Killer. Before that, during their last semester in college, shed almost been killed by a sociopathic psychology professor who still awaited trial for murdering two other coeds. Riley had known both of those girls. One had been her best friend and roommate.
Rileys help in solving that awful murder case was how shed gotten into the summer intern program, and it was one of the main reasons she was thinking about becoming an FBI agent.
In a choked voice, Riley said, Do you want me to quit? Do you want me to not go to Quantico tomorrow?
Ryan said, It doesnt matter what I want.
Riley was struggling not to cry now.