Suddenly I realize that while he was listening to my whining he had taken my hand and was caressing it with tenderness to console me. His touch... I have not time to think about the effect that makes me his hand on mine that, all of a sudden, he takes my face in his hand and, looking intensely into my eyes, says: <<Do not get discouraged, focus on one thing at a time! Is the choreography important now? Then just concentrate on that and think about how much you worked to get here. Take the passion and the love you feel for this work and act. You are hard-nosed and you can do it. You must not give way to despair for some steps, we all have bad days.>>
I do not know whether to be more upset about the emotion Im feeling with his hands on my face or about the hindrance to the choreography.
<<I feel so stupid.>> I think aloud.
<<Why? Were all allowed to become demoralised, the important thing is not to lose heart and find the strength to fight!>>
<<You are right, stop being depressed! Now I will go down and Ill try again and again the steps until they will be perfect, at the cost of spending all night like that. Thank you, Matthias.>> I say to him, blushing.
<<Good! I want to see you always so full of spirit.>> he concludes, giving me two kisses on the cheeks and freeing my face from his hands.
I needed him to find determination and will to fight and it is thanks to him that I find myself again in the gym more positively charged and motivated than before. Of course, problems with Max remain, but I can not talk about them with Matthias, probably he would not take it well. However, I can not stop thinking about his hand that caressed mine; at that time I felt butterflies in my stomach... I must stop thinking about it!
While Im focused on what Im doing, I jerk for the sudden squeak of the door. Roberta bursts into the gym paying no attention to my puzzlement: <<How does your workout proceed?>>
<<Good Lord, Isabel! You scared me! Good evening to you too... What are you doing here? Has something happened?>> I ask her doubtfully.
Usually she advises before coming to visit me. I perceive a negative sensation...
<<Isabel, I need to ask you a big favour...you see, I dont know how to tell you it. I want you to help me...>> she says without looking at me, almost as if she feared my reaction.
<<Tell me, you know Id do anything for you!>> I exclaim intrigued.
<<Would you help me to win Matthias?>> she asks me quickly and always more intimidated in a now or never style.
This request is like a bolt from the blue that runs through me and I say the first thing that goes through my head. <<I dont know if I can help you.>>
<<Are you jealous?>> Robbie asks me scornfully, regaining confidence in herself.
Its certain that this day is going from bad to worse!
My blood froze in my veins, I feel like a thief caught red-handed. I rebut without ruminate too much: <<Absolutely not! What are you thinking about? Matthias is just a friend. It is that becoming friendly with him I learned that he is very busy with his work and therefore he does not have time for anything else.>> I realize that Im trying to justify myself clutching at straws and saying the first stupid thing that can save me.
<<Is he involved only with his job?>> she asks me sarcastically, showing off a hateful malicious smile.
<<Stop with these turns of phrase! Okay, Ill try it, but do not blame me if nothing will happen between you.>>
<<At least we will have tried it!>> she exclaims looking at me badly.
<<Yeah right! you are perfectly right, theres no harm in trying.>> I say to her with a fake smile.
<<Forgive me if I came here without giving you notice. I tried to call you but, as usual, you forgot to turn on the ringtone. Since I was in the neighbourhood I dropped in quickly. We havent seen for days and anyway I would also come just to say hello.>>
<<You did well, you know that Im always happy to see you. Would you like some tea, coffee or a cold drink?>>
<<No, thanks. I have to run off! My visit is a hit-and-run.>>
<<Okay, I give up...>> I say, raising my hands in surrender.
<<I leave you alone to your splits and turns. Dont overwork yourself too much, Isabel. You have an anxious and tired face, you look also slimmed down. Take care!>> she says, hugging me with affection. Time to say goodbye and she went away leaving me upset and thoughtful.
Returning home, Roberta meets Max and decides to talk to him about the conversation she had with her friend just a moment ago, about Isabels strange attitudes and about her presumed doubts. They both suppose that theres the likelihood that Isabel is falling in love with the handsome Matthias.
Its night but I can not sleep. Max continues to be angry with me, Robbie is all over me and asks me impossible favours, Im tired, I have many important things on which I have to focus and they give me no respite. Dont they realize that Im at a delicate phase? Im about to have a nervous breakdown! Then there is Matthias, yeah, Matthias... At this time Id like to leave for another galaxy!
I dont know what to do. My head is about to explode with all this thinking.
If I could Id go on a mountain top and Id scream with all my strength Matthias is right, I must concentrate on one thing at a time. Now the ballet school is important. Stop thinking about Max and Robbies bullshit! I curl up under the blanket and finally my eyelids begin to get heavy. I just want to sleep and not to think about anything and anybody.
V
Walking lightheartedly towards home, some screams draw my attention. I recognise Matthias voice, I look towards the direction from which the yells come and I witness an unpleasant scene. At the front door theres him who is arguing with two men with a dodgy face. Without anyone noticing it I stop to understand what they might want from him; but when Matthias notices my presence he asks me in an aggressive way to leave them alone. This attitude caught me off guard, I have never heard him use that tone of voice before, especially with me. I say nothing and look at him in a bad way, although in reality I wanted to insult him heavily. How dare he address me in this way? What have I done to be treated thus? Im furious but at the same time worried. Those fellows make the skin crawl. I hope he doesnt work with such kind of people or even worse that he hangs out with them. Surely its not like that. I dont see him going around with that kind of people. Who are they? What do they want from him?
My curiosity thunders, I have a strong desire to go to him and to bombard him with questions. I dont do it not to seem nosy and above all I dont do it for pride. He could use other manners! I stay all the afternoon in my bedroom to study and to avoid meeting him. But my concern gets the better of my intentions. After all is said and done he has always been there for me when I needed it. I arm myself with strength and courage and I go towards his bedroom. Now or never!
Despite my legs tremble I decide to knock on the door of Matthias bedroom.
<<Come in>> he says with a calm tone of voice.
<<Forgive me if I turn up here, I dont want to seem intrusive or indiscreet, but I wanted to talk to you about what happened today out here.>> Matthias listens but he doesnt look at me.