Yes, sir, replied Timothy, very respectfully.
I took one of the measures, and putting in a little green, a little blue, and a little white liquid from the medicine bottles generally used by Mr Brookes, filled it up with water, poured the mixture into the vial, corked and labelled it, haustus statim sumendus, and handed it over the counter to the old woman.
Is the poor child to take it, or is it to rub outside? inquired the old woman.
The directions are on the label;but you dont read Latin?
Deary me, no! Latin! and do you understand Latin? what a nice clever boy!
I should not be a good doctor if I did not, replied I. On second thoughts, I consider it advisable and safer, that the application should be external, so I translated the label to herHaustus, rub it instatim, on the throatsumendus, with the palm of the hand.
Deary me! and does it mean all that? How much have I to pay, sir?
Embrocation is a very dear medicine, my good woman; it ought to be eighteen-pence, but as you are a poor woman, I shall only charge you nine-pence.
Im sure I thank you kindly, replied the old woman, putting down the money, and wishing me a good morning as she left the shop.
Bravo! cried Timothy, rubbing his hands; its halves, Japhet, is it not?
Yes, I replied; but first we must be honest, and not cheat Mr Cophagus; the vial is sold, you know, for one penny, and I suppose the stuff I have taken is not worth a penny more. Now, if we put aside two-pence for Mr Cophagus, we dont cheat him, or steal his property; the other seven-pence is of course our ownbeing the profits of the profession.
But how shall we account for receiving the two-pence? said Timothy.
Selling two vials instead of one: they are never reckoned, you know.
That will do capitally, cried Timothy; and now for halves. But this could not be managed until Timothy had run out and changed the sixpence; we then each had our three-pence halfpenny, and for once in our lives could say that we had money in our pockets.
Part 1Chapter III
I perform a wonderful Cure upon Saint John Longs Principle, having little or no Principle of my ownI begin to puzzle my Head with a Problem, of all others most difficult to solve.
The success of our first attempt encouraged us to proceed; but afraid that I might do some mischief, I asked of Mr Brookes the nature and qualities of the various medicines, as he was mixing the prescriptions, that I might avoid taking any of those which were poisonous. Mr Brookes, pleased with my continual inquiries, gave me all the information I could desire, and thus I gained, not only a great deal of information, but also a great deal of credit with Mr Cophagus, to whom Mr Brookes had made known my diligence and thirst for knowledge.
Goodvery good, said Mr Cophagus; fine boylearns his businessM.D. one of these daysride in his coachum, and so on. Nevertheless, at my second attempt, I made an awkward mistake, which very near led to detection. An Irish labourer, more than half tipsy, came in one evening, and asked whether we had such a thing as was called A poor mans plaster. By the powers, it will be a poor mans plaster when it belongs to me; but they tell me that it is a sure and sartain cure for the thumbago, as they call it, which Ive at the small of my back, and which is a hinder to my mounting up the ladder; so as its Saturday night, and Ive just got the money, Ill buy the plaster first, and then try what a little whisky inside will do; the devils in it if it wont be driven out of me between the two.
We had not that plaster in the shop, but we had blister plaster, and Timothy, handing one to me, I proffered it to him. And what may you be after asking for this same? inquired he.
The blister plasters were sold at a shilling each, when spread on paper, so I asked him eighteen-pence, that we might pocket the extra sixpence.
By the powers, one would think that you had made a mistake, and handed me the rich mans plaster instead of the poor ones. Its less whisky Ill have to drink, anyhow; but heres the money, and the top of the morning to ye, seeing as how its jist getting late.
Timothy and I laughed as we divided the sixpence. It appeared that after taking his allowance of whisky, the poor fellow fixed the plaster on his back when he went to bed, and the next morning found himself in a condition not to be envied. It was a week before we saw him again, and much to the horror of Timothy and myself, he walked into the shop when Mr Brookes was employed behind the counter. Timothy perceived him before he saw us, and pulling me behind the large mortar, we contrived to make our escape into the back parlour, the door of which we held ajar to hear what would take place.
Murder and turf! cried the man; but that was the devils own plaster that you gave me here for my back, and it left me as raw as a turnip, taking every bit of my skin off me entirely, forebye my lying in bed for a whole week, and losing my days work.
I ready do not recollect supplying you with a plaster, my good man, replied Mr Brookes.
Then, by the piper that played before Moses, if you dont recollect it, Ive an idea that I shall never forget it. Sure enough, it cured me, but wasnt I quite kilt before I was cured?
It must have been some other shop, observed Mr Brookes. You have made a mistake.
Devil a bit of mistake, except in selling me the plaster. Didnt I get it of a lad in this same shop?
Nobody sells things out of this shop without my knowledge.
The Irishman was puzzledhe looked round the shop. Well, then, if this ant the shop, it was own sister to it.
Timothy, called Mr Brookes.
And sure enough there was a Timothy in the other shop, for I heard the boy call the other by the name; however, its no matter if it took off the skin, it also took away the thumbago, so the morning to you, Mr Pottykary.
When the Irishman departed, we made our appearance. Japhet, did you sell a plaster to an Irishman?
Yesdont you recollect, last Saturday? and I gave you the shilling.
Very true; but what did he ask for?
He asked for a plaster, but he was very tipsy. I showed him a blister, and he took it; and then I looked at Timothy and laughed.
You must not play such tricks, said Mr Brookes. I see what you have been aboutit was a joke to you, but not to him.
Mr Brookes, who imagined we had sold it to the Irishman out of fun, then gave us a very severe lecture, and threatened to acquaint Mr Cophagus if ever we played such tricks again. Thus the affair blew over, and it made me very careful; and, as every day I knew more about medicines, I was soon able to mix them, so as to be of service to those who applied, and before eighteen months had expired, I was trusted with the mixing up of all the prescriptions. At the end of that period Mr Brookes left us, and I took the whole of his department upon myself, giving great satisfaction to Mr Cophagus.
And now that I have announced my promotion, it will perhaps be as well that I give the reader some idea of my personal appearance, upon which I have hitherto been silent. I was thin, between fifteen and sixteen years old, very tall for my age, and of my figure I had no reason to be ashamed; a large beaming eye, with a slightly aquiline nose, a high forehead, fair in complexion, but with very dark hair. I was always what may be termed a remarkably clean-looking boy, from the peculiarity of my skin and complexion; my teeth were small, but were transparent, and I had a very deep dimple in my chin. Like all embryo apothecaries, I carried in my appearance, if not the look of wisdom, most certainly that of self-sufficiency, which does equally well with the world in general. My forehead was smooth, and very white, and my dark locks were combed back systematically, and with a regularity that said, as plainly as hair could do, The owner of this does everything by prescription, measurement, and rule. With my long fingers I folded up the little packets, with an air as thoughtful and imposing as that of a minister who has just presented a protocol as interminable as unintelligible; and the look of solemn sagacity with which I poured out the contents of one vial into the other, would have well become the kings physician, when he watched the lords anointed in articulo mortis.