Well, Im wondering if you lost your cool in the presence of a near stranger because you dont feel like you have any other place to release your anxiety. Let me ask you thisdo you have any stressful events or decisions coming up?
You mean other than an OB-GYN appointment in two hours to see if Im recovered from my miscarriage, finalizing a divorce from the man who tried to murder me, selling the house we shared together, processing the fact that my serial killer father is looking for me, deciding whether or not to go to Virginia for two and a half months to have FBI instructors laugh at me, and having to move out of my friends apartment so she can get a decent nights sleep? Besides those things, Id say Im cool.
That does sound like quite a bit, Dr. Lemmon replied, ignoring Jessies sarcasm. Why dont we start with the immediate concerns and work outward from there, okay?
Youre the boss, Jessie muttered.
Actually, Im not. But tell me about your upcoming appointment. Why does that have you concerned?
Its not so much that Im concerned, Jessie said. The doctor already told me that it looks like I dont have any permanent damage and will be able to conceive in the future. Its more that I know going there will remind of what I lost and how I lost it.
Youre talking about how your husband drugged you so he could frame you for murdering Natalia Urgova? And how the drug he used induced your miscarriage?
Yes, Jessie said drily. Thats what Im talking about.
Well, Ill be surprised if anyone there brings that up, Dr. Lemmon said, a gentle smile playing at her lips.
So youre saying Im creating stress for myself about a situation that need not be stressful?
Im saying that if you deal with the emotions ahead of time, it might not be so overwhelming when youre actually in the room.
Easier said than done, Jessie said.
Everything is easier said than done, Dr. Lemmon replied. Lets table that for now and move on to your pending divorce. How are things going on that front?
The house is in escrow. So Im hoping that gets finished without complications. My attorney says that my request for an expedited divorce was approved and that it should be final before the end of year. There is a bonus on that frontbecause California is a community property state, I get half the assets of my murdering spouse. He gets half of mine too, despite going on trial for nine major felonies early next year. But considering I was a student until a few weeks ago, that doesnt amount to much.
Okay, how do you feel about all that?
I feel good about the money. Id say I more than earned it. Did you know I used the health insurance from his job to pay for the injury I got from him stabbing me with a fireplace poker? Theres something poetic about that. Otherwise, Ill be glad when its all over. I mostly just want to move on and try to forget that I spent nearly a decade of my life with a sociopath and never realized it.
You think you should have known? Dr. Lemmon asked.
I am trying to become a professional criminal profiler, Doctor. How good can I be when I didnt notice the criminal behavior of my own husband?
Weve talked about this, Jessie. Its often difficult for even the best profilers to identify illicit behavior in those close to them. Often professional distance is required to see whats really going on.
I gather you speak from personal experience? Jessie asked.
Janice Lemmon, in addition to being a behavioral therapist, was a highly regarded criminal consultant who used to work full time for the LAPD. She still offered her services on occasion.
Lemmon had used her considerable string-pulling influence to get Jessie permission to visit the state hospital in Norwalk so she could interview serial killer Bolton Crutchfield as part of her graduate work. And Jessie suspected that the doctor had also played an integral part in her being accepted to the FBIs vaunted National Academy program, which typically only took seasoned local investigators, not recent graduates with almost no practical experience.
I do, Dr. Lemmon said. But we can save that for another time. Would you like to discuss how you feel about being played by your husband?
I wouldnt say I was totally played. After all, because of me, hes in prison and three people who would otherwise be dead, including myself, are walking around. Dont I get any credit for that? After all, I did eventually figure it out. I dont think the cops ever would have.
Thats a fair point. I assume from your snark that youd rather move on. Shall we discuss your father?
Really? Jessie asked, incredulous. Do we have to go there next? Cant we just talk about my apartment troubles?
I gather theyre related. After all, isnt the reason your roommate cant get any sleep because you have scream-inducing nightmares?
You dont play fair, Doctor.
Im only working from things you tell me, Jessie. If you didnt want me to know, you wouldnt have mentioned it. Can I assume the dreams are related to your mothers murder at the hands of your father?
Yep, Jessie answered, keeping her tone overly jaunty. The Ozarks Executioner may have gone underground but hes still got one victim very much in his clutches.
Have the nightmares gotten worse since we last met? Dr. Lemmon asked.
I wouldnt say worse, Jessie corrected. Theyve been pretty much at the same level of terrifyingly awful.
But they got dramatically more frequent and intense once you got the message, correct?
I assume were talking about the message Bolton Crutchfield passed along to me revealing that hes been in contact with my father, who would very much like to find me.
Thats the message were talking about.
Then yes, thats around the time they got worse, Jessie answered.
Setting aside the dreams for a moment, Dr. Lemmon said, I wanted to reiterate what I Ive told you previously.
Yes, Doctor, I havent forgotten. In your capacity as an advisor to the Department of State Hospitals, Non-Rehabilitative Division, youve consulted with the security team at the hospital to ensure that Bolton Crutchfield doesnt have access to any unauthorized outside personnel. There is no way for him to communicate with my father to let him know my new identity.
How many times have I said that? Dr. Lemmon asked. It must have been a few for you to have it memorized.
Lets just say more than once. Besides, Ive become friendly with the head of security at the NRD facility, Kat Gentry, and she told me basically the same thingtheyve updated their procedures to ensure that Crutchfield has no communication with the outside world.
And yet you dont sound convinced, Dr. Lemmon noted.
Would you be? Jessie countered. If your dad was a serial killer known to the world as the Ozarks Executioner and youd personally seen him eviscerate his victims and he was never caught, would your mind be set at ease by a few platitudes?
I admit Id probably be a bit skeptical. But Im not sure how productive it is to dwell on something you cant control.
I was meaning to broach that with you, Dr. Lemmon, Jessie said, dropping the sarcasm now that she had a genuine request. Are we sure I dont have any control over the situation? It seems that Bolton Crutchfield knows a fair bit about what my father has been up to in recent years. And Boltonenjoys my company. I was thinking another visit to chat with him might be in order. Who knows what he might reveal?