A grandchild, Kate often thought. How did Melissa get that old? Hell, for that matter, how did I get that old?
And when she thought of Melissa and the unborn Michelle, Kate typically turned her thoughts to her deceased husband. Hed been murdered six years ago, shot in the back of the head while walking their dog at night. His wallet and phone had been taken and shed been called to ID the body less than two hours after hed left the house with the dog.
The wound was still fresh most of the time but she hid it well. When she had retired from the bureau, shed done so with about eight months left before official retirement age. But she had been unable to commit her full time, attention, and focus to her work after having finally scattered Michaels ashes over an old derelict baseball diamond near his home in Falls Church.
Perhaps that was why she had spent the last year so depressed about leaving her job. She had left months before shed legally had to. What might those months have offered her? What else could she have done with her career?
Shed always wondered about these things, but had never fallen on the side of regret. Michael had deserved at least a few months of her undivided attention. He actually deserved much more than that but she knew that even in the afterlife, theres no way he would have expected her to ditch her work for too long. He would have known that it would have taken some work for her to properly grieveand that work had meant literally working at the bureau for as long as she had been emotionally capable after his death.
She was relieved to find as she drew closer to DC that she was not feeling as if she was betraying Michael. She did personally believe that death was not the end; she didnt know if that meant Heaven was real or if reincarnation was possible and quite frankly she was okay with not knowing. But she did know that wherever Michael might be, hed be happy that she was heading back to DCeven if it was to be severely reprimanded.
If anything, he was probably having a laugh at her expense.
This made Kate smile in spite of herself. She cut the podcast off and focused on the road, her own thoughts, and how even if shed screwed up, life somehow always ended up seeming cyclical in nature.
***She didnt get a rush of emotion when she stepped through the front doors and into the large lobby at the FBI headquarters. If anything, she was very aware that she felt she no longer belonged herelike a woman revisiting her old high school to find that the halls now made her feel sad rather than nostalgic.
The sense of familiarity helped, though. Despite feeling displaced, she also felt like she really hadnt been away that long after all. She walked through the lobby, checked in at the front, and headed for the elevators as if she had been here just last week. Even the enclosed space of the elevator was comforting as it carried her up to Assistant Director Durans office.
When she stepped off the elevator and entered Durans waiting area, she saw the same receptionist who had been behind the same desk a little over a year ago. They had never really been on a first-name basis, but the receptionist got up from her desk and rushed to hug her.
Kate! Its so good to see you!
Thankfully, the receptionists name came back to her just the right moment. You, too, Dana, Kate said.
I didnt think youd do well with retirement, Dana joked.
Yeah, its sort of a big snore.
Well, go ahead and go on in, Dana said. Hes waiting for you.
Kate knocked on the closed office door. She found that even the somewhat gruff response she got from the other side made her feel at ease.
Its open, the voice of Assistant Director Vince Duran said.
Kate opened the door and stepped inside. She had been fully prepared to see Duran and had readied herself for it. What she had not been expecting, however, was the face of her old partner. Logan Nash smiled at her right away, getting up from one of the chairs in front of Durans desk.
Duran seemed to look aside for a moment to allow the reunion. Kate and Logan Nash met at the visitors chairs in a friendly embrace. She had worked with Logan for the last eight years of her career. He was ten years younger than she was but had been well on his way to piecing together an illustrious career for himself when she had left.
Its good to see you, Kate, he said lightly into her ear as they hugged.
You, too, she said. Her heart swelled and slowly, almost teasingly, she realized that no matter how she tried to paint it, she had dearly missed this part of her life over the past year.
When the embrace broke, they both awkwardly took their seats in front of Duran. During their time together as partners, they had sat in this exact same place numerous times. But it had never been for matters of discipline.
Vince Duran took a very deep breath and sighed it out. Kate could not yet tell just how upset he was.
So, lets not dance around it, Duran said. Kate, you know why youre here. And I have assured Chief Budd that I would handle the situation in a very effective way. He seemed fine with that and I am fairly certain the entire ordeal with you tossing a suspect from his front porch will be swept under the rug. What I would like to know, though, is how you even came to be on that poor mans front porch.
She knew then that whatever harsh conversation she had been expecting was not going to happen. Duran was a monster of a man, roughly two hundred and forty pounds and the majority of that was nothing but muscle. Hed spent some time in Afghanistan in his early twenties and although she had never learned all he had done over there, the rumors were rampant. He had seen and done some harsh things and it often showed in the lines of his face. But today, he seemed to be in a good mood. She wondered if it was because he was no longer speaking to her as someone who worked under him. It almost felt more like catching up with an old friend.
That made it easy for her to tell him about the murder of Julie Hicksthe daughter of her good friend Deb Meade. She walked through speaking with them at a visitation at the Meade house and how certain the Meades had seemed. She then replayed the scene on Neilbolts porch, explaining how she had started off by defending herself and then admittedly taking things perhaps a step too far.
On a few occasions, she got a soft chuckle from Logan. Duran, meanwhile, remained mostly expressionless. When she was done, she waited for his reaction and was confused when all she got out of him was a shrug.
Lookas far as Im concerned, he said, its a non-issue. While you might have been sticking your nose where it didnt belong, this guy had no business putting his hands on youespecially after you told him that you were former FBI. That was stupid on his part. The only thing Id raise an eyebrow over is you slapping the cuffs on him.
As I saidI admittedly went a little overboard.
You? Logan asked in mock surprise. No!
What do you know about the case? Duran asked.
Just that she was killed in her home while her husband was away on business. The ex-boyfriend was the only real lead and the cops dismissed him in pretty quick fashion. I did find out later that his alibi was airtight, though.
Nothing else? Duran asked.
Nothing that Ive been told.
Duran nodded and then managed a cordial smile. So aside from pitching grown men from their porches, how has retirement been treating you?