A-a-a-a-a-a! There you are! Our new Hero! exclaimed a man in a velvet cloak. On his chest where the heart would have been a fylfot-like cross was painted. He was approaching me very quickly. Sometimes it even seemed to me that he was flying Like when gravity-free. Then he vanished and appeared again. I wanted to call Shaitan as he always helped me out of trouble but he didnt happen to be there at the moment. I had to act on my own.
I am Mr. X. And what is your name?
I havent made up my mind yet.
Ok then. Well call you Hero. Well, Hero, have you completed your mission?
What mission?
Have you killed the dragon?
No.
Have you conquered the kingdom?
No.
Well, have you killed the spies which had penetrated on the territory of our Empire?
No.
Then you are not a Hero.
Not a Hero?
Of course not. A Hero is somebody who kills others for the sake of Empire. Have you killed anybody?
Not yet.
Im pleased you say «not yet». Does that mean that you will soon realize the necessity to kill?
I have to kill someone?
Yes, certainly. Youll do it tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Well, not today anyway. Or would you rather kill today?
No, not today, thanks.
Ok then, tomorrow will do. Maybach, come here!
Im here, sir, replied Cylinder wearing a cap.
Write him a merit certificate. Just like this: «Hero». Put it in big beautiful letters. And then well organize a real show with light chasers, special effects and even with parade and fireworks. It will be a real feast or a costume party; I havent made up my mind yet.
But I havent killed anyone yet.
But you will do it tomorrow, wont you? he stared at me and put his head very closely to what I had for head. Youll do it for sure.
The merit certificate is ready, sir, said Cylinder. A black hole opened in his stomach and a metal pallet appeared from it bearing the word «HERO» in big beautiful letters.
Music, Maestro! exclaimed Mr. X.
Small metal pea-size balls appeared out of nowhere; they began to swell and turned into yellow roly-polys with metal legs like spiders. Each roly-poly had more than eight legs and there were black marker smiles painted on their faces which were saying: «Were alright». And these roly-polys began to dance. Music resounded from under their legs. It was an opera with jazz tunes; I heard clarinet, bassoon, violin and saxophone my favourite musical instruments. Then roly-polys rounded me. They made a tight circle and I had no way to escape any more. Then several roly-polys ran up to me. They gave me a lift with their heads and I began to jump on them like on a trampoline. They were made of rubber! But sure enough, they had no brains. Everyone around me shouted «Hero, Hero!» But I didnt feel a hero. And thenI fell and hurt my head. Somebody ran up to me, hoisted my body ona wheeled hospital bed and drove me off. Through the mist and the dark I discerned the words: «You forgot your merit certificate, Hero!» Then there came a loud metal clank. It was apparently Cylinder who got a clip on the back of his head from Mr. X. It was the last thing I had in mind that day.
A great noise woke me up. I felt very awkward. I was still lying on the hospital bed and everyone seemed to have forgotten about me. At the moment everything was according to their plans but not mine. It definitely wouldnt have happened if I had stayed with the roly-polys. But probably everyone there is a Hero?! However, it didnt seem true. They were all caressing each other and moaning. Whether it was an orgy or it was just their way to show their love and tenderness, I couldnt tell.
What are you doing? I asked. Finally they noticed me and I began to hear their words in real time.
Silence everybody The Hero has woken up.
Come on, Im not a Hero. And by the way, do you know who this Hero is? Or you reckon that the Hero is the one who kills others for the sake of the Empire as Mr. X states it?
There started a commotion.
He is acquainted with Mr. X.
Mr. X
Oh goodness, its awful! Has he come to kill us all?
And I saw fear in their eyes, but only for a fraction of a second. A dog with a sun for a head was the first to answer.
Calm down, he wont kill you, at least until I give him the permission, and than the dog addressed to me. You see, the point is that a Hero can kill another Hero or someone who is not a Hero at all. The point is that a Hero has a goal and this goal justifies all means. There are good Heroes and bad Heroes. But if you come to look at it in another way, all these things are relative Good and Evil Thats banal. There are just Heroes, that is all. And whether what they are doing is good or not, its up to the society to decide, but the society is always prejudiced.
So when you call me a Hero you want to say that Im a Murderer? Am I right?
Not completely. You have understood only what you wanted to because you heard only what you wanted to hear. You must pay attention to what Im trying to tell you but not to the things you expect me to say. Otherwise you will not hear anything. Well, I didnt tell you that you were a Murderer. I was just answering the question you had asked before. If you can remember it now Nah, the Hero
But I
You, he interrupted me, should understand that youre probably a new Hero. Like those you can see standing behind me (he showed to the crowd I can hardly describe now). Theyre would-be Heroes and in their time they also considered themselves Heroes. They came to me in order to find out whether it was true or not. I kept looking at them carefully while I was tapping with my stick, lighting a candle, swinging one of the two balls, visiting Father
You mean the Pope?
You speak in a quite unusual manner. Yes, thats him I wrote letters to him and even prayed in order to find out whether they were indeed Heroes. And I want to tell you that my answer is still «No». Like the Fathers.
So you mean to say that all those people behind you are not Heroes just because you told them so?
Exactly. What a clever New Would-be Hero you are! NWH as a call you lot
NWH?
Well, you see, NWHs are the most powerful among us, those who can create the worlds. But in fact they dont exist.
But why? I asked.
Because its just impossible. We call them Dreamers.
And who are Dreamers?
They are very odd extraterrestrial people who are always dreaming about something But they left this world long ago.
Are you sure?
Its my job to be sure in things others have not a slightest idea of.
Then how come these Dreamers dont exist if youve just told me that they did exist and left our world long ago?!
I wont tell you that.