"Ah!" she murmured faintly, "can you suppose, however fickle and thankless I may seem to you"
"Seem!" he repeated.
"Seem!" she said again, but meekly"seem, and seem justly;yet can you suppose that when I became free to utter my remorseto speak of gratitude, of reverenceI was insincere? Darrell, Darrell, you cannot think so! That letter which reached you abroad nearly a year ago, in which I laid my pride of woman at your feet, as I lay it now in coming herethat letter, in which I asked if it were impossible for you to pardon, too late for me to atonewas written on my knees. It was the outburst of my very heart. Nay, nay, hear me out. Do not imagine that I would again obtrude a hope so contemptuously crushed!" (a deep blush came over her cheek.) "I blame you not, nor, let me say it, did your severity bring that shame which I might have justly felt had I so written to any man on earth but youyou, so reverenced from my infancy, that"
"Ay," interrupted Darrell fiercely, "ay, do not fear that I should misconceive you; you would not so have addressed the young, the fair, the happy. No! you, proud beauty, with hosts, no doubt, of supplicating wooers, would have thrust that hand into the flames before it wrote to a young man, loved as the young are loved, what without shame it wrote to the old man, reverenced as the old are reverenced! But my heart is not old, and your boasted reverence was a mocking insult. Your letter, torn to pieces, was returned to you without a wordinsult for insult! You felt no shame that I should so rudely reject your pity. Why should you? Rejected pity is not rejected love. The man was not less old because he was not reconciled to age."
This construction of her tender penitencethis explanation of his bitter scorntook Caroline Montfort wholly by surprise. From what writhing agonies of lacerated self-love came that pride which was but self- depreciation? It was a glimpse into the deeper rents of his charred and desolate being which increased at once her yearning affection and her passionate despair. Vainly she tried to utter the feelings that crowded upon her!vainly, vainly! Woman can murmur, "I have injured you forgive!" when she cannot exclaim, "You disdain me, but love!" Vainly, vainly her bosom heaved and her lips moved under the awe of his flashing eyes and the grandeur of his indignant frown.
"Ah!" he resumed, pursuing his own thoughts with a sombre intensity of passion that rendered him almost unconscious of her presence"Ah! I said to myself, 'Oh, she believes that she has been so mourned and missed that my soul would spring back to her false smile; that I could be so base a slave to my senses as to pardon the traitress because her face was fair enough to haunt my dreams. She dupes herself; she is no necessity to my existenceI have wrenched it from her power years, long years ago! I will show her, since again she deigns to remember me, that I am not so old as to be grateful for the leavings of a heart.
"I will love anotherI will be beloved. She shall not say with secret triumph, 'The old man dotes in rejecting me'"
"Darrell, Darrelunjuscruel kill me rather than talk thus!"
He heeded not her cry. His words rolled on in that wonderful, varying music which, whether in tenderness or in wrath, gave to his voice a magical powerfascinating, hushing, overmastering human souls.
"Butyou have the triumph; see, I am still alone! I sought the world of the youngthe marriage mart of the Beautiful once more. Alas! if my eye was captured for a moment, it was by something that reminded me of you. I saw a faultless face, radiant with its virgin blush; moved to it, I drew near-sighing, turned away; it was not you! I heard the silvery laugh of a life fresh as an April morn. 'Hark!' I said, 'is not that the sweet mirth-note at which all my cares were dispelled? Listening, I forgot my weight of years. Why? because listening, I remembered you. 'Heed not the treacherous blush and the beguiling laugh,' whispered Prudence. 'Seek in congenial mind a calm companion to thine own.' Mind! O frigid pedantry! Mind!had not yours been a volume open to my eyes; in every page, methought, some lovely poet-truth never revealed to human sense before! No; you had killed to me all womanhood! Woo another!wed another! 'Hush,' I said, 'it shall be. Eighteen years since we parted seeing her not, she remains eternally the same! Seeing her again, the very change that time must have brought will cure. I saw youall the past rushed back in that stolen moment. I flednever more to dream that I can shake off the curse of memoryblent with each drop of my blood woven with each tissue-throbbing in each nerve-bone of my bone, and flesh of my fleshpoison-root from which every thought buds to witherthe curse to have loved and to have trusted you!"
"Merciful Heaven! can I bear this?" cried Caroline, clasping her hands to her bosom." And is my sin so greatis it so unpardonable? Oh, if in a heart so noble, in a nature so great, mine was the unspeakable honour to inspire an affection thus enduring, must it be onlyonlyas a curse! Why can I not repair the past? You have not ceased to love me. Call it hateit is love still! And now, no barrier between our lives, can I never, never againnever, now that I know I am less unworthy of you by the very anguish I feel to have so stung youcan I never again be the Caroline of old?"
"Ha, ha!" burst forth the unrelenting man, with a bitter laugh"see the real coarseness of a woman's nature under all its fine-spun frippery! Behold these delicate creatures, that we scarcely dare to woo! how little they even comprehend the idolatry they inspire! The Caroline of old! Lo, the virgin whose hand we touched with knightly homage, whose first bashful kiss was hallowed as the gate of paradise, deserts ussells herself at the altarsanctifies there her very infidelity to us; and when years have passed, and a death has restored her freedom, she comes to us as if she had never pillowed her head on another's bosom, and says 'Can I not again be the Caroline of old?' We men are too rude to forgive the faithless. Where is the Caroline I loved? YOUaremy Lady Montfort! Look round. On these turfs, you, then a child, played beside my children. They are dead, but less dead to me than you. Never dreamed I then that a creature so fair would be other than a child to my grave and matured existence. Then, if I glanced towards your future, I felt no pang to picture you grown to womanhoodanother's bride. My hearth had for years been widowed, I had no thought of second nuptials. My son would live to enjoy my wealth, and realise my cherished dreamsmy son was snatched from me! Who alone had the power to comfort?who alone had the courage to steal into the darkened room where I sate mourning? sure that in her voice there would be consolation, and the sight of her sympathising tears would chide away the bitterness of mine?who but the Caroline of old! Ah, you are weeping now. But Lady Montfort's tears have no talisman to me! You were then still a childas a child, my soothing angel. A year or so more my daughter, to whom all my pride of Houseall my hope of race, had been consignedshe whose happiness I valued so much more than my ambition, that I had refused her hand to your young Lord of Montfortpuppet that, stripped of the millinery of titles, was not worthy to replace a doll!my daughter, I folded her one night in my arms,I implored her to confide in me if ever she nursed a hope that I could furtherknew a grief that I could banish; and she promisedand she bent her forehead to my blessingand before daybreak she had fled with a man whose very touch was dishonour and pollution, and was lost to me for ever. . . . Then, when I came hither to vent at my father's grave the indignant grief I suffered not the world to see, you and your mother (she who professed for me such loyal friendship, such ineffaceable gratitude), you two came kindly to share my solitudeand then, then you were a child no more!and a sun that had never gilt my life brightened out of the face of the Caroline of old!" He paused a moment, heeding not her bitter weeping; he was rapt from the present hour itself by the excess of that anguish which is to woe what ecstasy is to joyswept along by the flood of thoughts that had been pent within his breast through the solitary days and haunted nights, which had made the long transition state from his manhood's noon to its gathering eve. And in that pause there came from afar off a melodious, melancholy strain- softly, softly borne over the cold blue waterssoftly, softly through the sere autumnal leavesthe music of the magic flute!