What profession did you say, sir? renewed Mr. Brown, artfully.
None! replied Linden.
Oh, very well,very well indeed. Then as an idle, independent gentleman, you will of course be a bit of a beau; want some shirts, possibly; fine cravats, too; gentlemen wear a particular pattern now; gloves, gold, or shall I say gilt chain, watch and seals, a ring or two, and a snuff-box?
Sir, you are vastly obliging, said Clarence, in undisguised surprise.
Not at all, I would do anything for a relation of Mrs. Minden.
The waiter re-entered; Sir, said he to Linden, your room is quite ready.
I am glad to hear it, said Clarence, rising. Mr. Brown, I have the honour of wishing you a good evening.
Stay, sirstay; you have not looked into these things belonging to the late Lady Waddilove.
Another time, said Clarence, hastily.
To-morrow, at ten oclock, muttered Mr. Brown.
I am exceedingly glad I have got rid of that fellow, said Linden to himself, as he stretched his limbs in his easy-chair, and drank off the last glass of his pint of port. If I have not already seen, I have already guessed, enough of the world, to know that you are to look to your pockets when a man offers you a present; they who give, also take away. So here I am in London, with an order for 1000 pounds in my purse, the wisdom of Dr. Latinas in my head, and the health of eighteen in my veins; will it not be my own fault if I do not both enjoy and make myself
And then, yielding to meditations of future success, partaking strongly of the inexperienced and sanguine temperament of the soliloquist, Clarence passed the hours till his pillow summoned him to dreams no less ardent and perhaps no less unreal.
CHAPTER VIII
Oh, how I long to be employed!
Every Man in his Humour.
Clarence was sitting the next morning over the very unsatisfactory breakfast which tea made out of broomsticks, and cream out of chalk (adulteration thrived even in 17) afforded, when the waiter threw open the door and announced Mr. Brown.
Just in time, sir, you perceive, said Mr. Brown; I am punctuality itself: exactly a quarter of a minute to ten. I have brought you the pots of French mustard, and I have some very valuable articles which you must want, besides.
Thank you, sir, said Linden, not well knowing what to say; and Mr. Brown, untying a silk handkerchief, produced three shirts, two pots of pomatum, a tobacco canister with a German pipe, four pair of silk stockings, two gold seals, three rings, and a stuffed parrot!
Beautiful articles these, sir, said Mr. Brown, with a snuffle of inward sweetness long drawn out, and expressive of great admiration of his offered treasures; beautiful articles, sir, arnt they?
Very, the parrot in particular, said Clarence.
Yes, sir, returned Mr. Brown, the parrot is indeed quite a jewel; it belonged to the late Lady Waddilove; I offer it to you with considerable regret, for
Oh! interrupted Clarence, pray do not rob yourself of such a jewel; it really is of no use to me.
I know that, sir,I know that, replied Mr. Brown; but it will be of use to your friends; it will be inestimable to any old aunt, sir, any maiden lady living at Hackney, any curious elderly gentleman fond of a knack-knack. I knew you would know some one to send it to as a present, even though you should not want it yourself.
Bless me! thought Linden, was there ever such generosity? Not content with providing for my wants, he extends his liberality even to any possible relations I may possess!
Mr. Brown now re-tied the beautiful articles in his handkerchief. Shall I leave them, sir? said he.
Why, really, said Clarence, I thought yesterday that you were in jest; but you must be aware that I cannot accept presents from any gentleman so much,so much a stranger to me as you are.
No, sir, I am aware of that, replied Mr. Brown; and in order to remove the unpleasantness of such a feeling, sir, on your part,merely in order to do that, I assure you with no other view, sir, in the world,I have just noted down the articles on this piece of paper; but as you will perceive, at a price so low as still to make them actually presents in everything but the name. Oh, sir, I perfectly understand your delicacy, and would not for the world violate it.
So saying, Mr. Brown put a paper into Lindens hands, the substance of which a very little more experience of the world would have enabled Clarence to foresee; it ran thus:
CLARENCE LINDEN, ESQ., DR.
TO Mr. MORRIS BROWN.
l. s. d.
To Six Pots of French Mustard......... 1 4 0
To Three Superfine Holland Shirts, with Cambric Bosoms,
Complete................ 4 1 0
To Two Pots of Superior French Pomatum...... 0 10 0
To a Tobacco Canister of enamelled Tin, with a finely
Executed Head of the Pretender; slight flaw in the same. 0 12 6
To a German Pipe, second hand, as good as new, belonging
to the late Lady Waddilove.......... 1 18 0
To Four Pair of Black Silk Hose, ditto, belonging to her
Ladyships Husband............. 2 8 0
To Two Superfine Embossed Gold Watch Seals, with a
Classical Motto and Device to each, namely, Mouse Trap,
and Prenez Garde, to one, and Who the devil can this
be from? [One would not have thought these ingenious
devices had been of so ancient a date as the year 17.]
to the other............... 1 1 0
To a remarkably fine Antique Ring, having the head of a
Monkey................. 0 16 6
A ditto, with blue stones........... 0 12 6
A ditto, with green ditto........... 0 12 6
A Stuffed Green Parrot, a remarkable favourite of the late
Lady W................. 2 2 0
Sum Total............... 15 18 0
Deduction for Ready Money.......... 0 13 6
15 4 6
Mr. Browns Profits for Brokerage........ 1 10 0
Sum Total............... 16 14 6
Received of Clarence Linden, Esq., this day of 17.
It would have been no unamusing study to watch the expression of Clarences face as it lengthened over each article until he had reached the final conclusion. He then carefully folded up the paper, restored it to Mr. Brown, with a low bow, and said, Excuse me, sir, I will not take advantage of your generosity; keep your parrot and other treasures for some more worthy person. I cannot accept of what you are pleased to term your very valuable presents!