Im sorry I waked you, Isabel said; you look too tired.
I feel too tired. But I was not asleep. I was thinking of you.
Are you tired of that?
Very much so. It leads to nothing. The roads long and I never arrive.
What do you wish to arrive at? she put to him, closing her parasol.
At the point of expressing to myself properly what I think of your engagement.
Dont think too much of it, she lightly returned.
Do you mean that its none of my business?
Beyond a certain point, yes.
Thats the point I want to fix. I had an idea you may have found me wanting in good manners. Ive never congratulated you.
Of course Ive noticed that. I wondered why you were silent.
There have been a good many reasons. Ill tell you now, Ralph said. He pulled off his hat and laid it on the ground; then he sat looking at her. He leaned back under the protection of Bernini, his head against his marble pedestal, his arms dropped on either side of him, his hands laid upon the rests of his wide chair. He looked awkward, uncomfortable; he hesitated long. Isabel said nothing; when people were embarrassed she was usually sorry for them, but she was determined not to help Ralph to utter a word that should not be to the honour of her high decision. I think Ive hardly got over my surprise, he went on at last. You were the last person I expected to see caught.
I dont know why you call it caught.
Because youre going to be put into a cage.
If I like my cage, that neednt trouble you, she answered.
Thats what I wonder at; thats what Ive been thinking of.
If youve been thinking you may imagine how Ive thought! Im satisfied that Im doing well.
You must have changed immensely. A year ago you valued your liberty beyond everything. You wanted only to see life.
Ive seen it, said Isabel. It doesnt look to me now, I admit, such an inviting expanse.
I dont pretend it is; only I had an idea that you took a genial view of it and wanted to survey the whole field.
Ive seen that one cant do anything so general. One must choose a corner and cultivate that.
Thats what I think. And one must choose as good a corner as possible. I had no idea, all winter, while I read your delightful letters, that you were choosing. You said nothing about it, and your silence put me off my guard.
It was not a matter I was likely to write to you about. Besides, I knew nothing of the future. It has all come lately. If you had been on your guard, however, Isabel asked, what would you have done?
I should have said Wait a little longer.
Wait for what?
Well, for a little more light, said Ralph with rather an absurd smile, while his hands found their way into his pockets.
Where should my light have come from? From you?
I might have struck a spark or two.
Isabel had drawn off her gloves; she smoothed them out as they lay upon her knee. The mildness of this movement was accidental, for her expression was not conciliatory. Youre beating about the bush, Ralph. You wish to say you dont like Mr. Osmond, and yet youre afraid.
Willing to wound and yet afraid to strike? Im willing to wound him, yesbut not to wound you. Im afraid of you, not of him. If you marry him it wont be a fortunate way for me to have spoken.
If I marry him! Have you had any expectation of dissuading me?
Of course that seems to you too fatuous.
No, said Isabel after a little; it seems to me too touching.
Thats the same thing. It makes me so ridiculous that you pity me.
She stroked out her long gloves again. I know youve a great affection for me. I cant get rid of that.
For heavens sake dont try. Keep that well in sight. It will convince you how intensely I want you to do well.
And how little you trust me!
There was a moments silence; the warm noontide seemed to listen. I trust you, but I dont trust him, said Ralph.
She raised her eyes and gave him a wide, deep look. Youve said it now, and Im glad youve made it so clear. But youll suffer by it.
Not if youre just.
Im very just, said Isabel. What better proof of it can there be than that Im not angry with you? I dont know whats the matter with me, but Im not. I was when you began, but it has passed away. Perhaps I ought to be angry, but Mr. Osmond wouldnt think so. He wants me to know everything; thats what I like him for. Youve nothing to gain, I know that. Ive never been so nice to you, as a girl, that you should have much reason for wishing me to remain one. You give very good advice; youve often done so. No, Im very quiet; Ive always believed in your wisdom, she went on, boasting of her quietness, yet speaking with a kind of contained exaltation. It was her passionate desire to be just; it touched Ralph to the heart, affected him like a caress from a creature he had injured. He wished to interrupt, to reassure her; for a moment he was absurdly inconsistent; he would have retracted what he had said. But she gave him no chance; she went on, having caught a glimpse, as she thought, of the heroic line and desiring to advance in that direction. I see youve some special idea; I should like very much to hear it. Im sure its disinterested; I feel that. It seems a strange thing to argue about, and of course I ought to tell you definitely that if you expect to dissuade me you may give it up. Youll not move me an inch; its too late. As you say, Im caught. Certainly it wont be pleasant for you to remember this, but your pain will be in your own thoughts. I shall never reproach you.
I dont think you ever will, said Ralph. Its not in the least the sort of marriage I thought youd make.
What sort of marriage was that, pray?
Well, I can hardly say. I hadnt exactly a positive view of it, but I had a negative. I didnt think youd decide forwell, for that type.
Whats the matter with Mr. Osmonds type, if it be one? His being so independent, so individual, is what I most see in him, the girl declared. What do you know against him? You know him scarcely at all.
Yes, Ralph said, I know him very little, and I confess I havent facts and items to prove him a villain. But all the same I cant help feeling that youre running a grave risk.
Marriage is always a grave risk, and his risks as grave as mine.
Thats his affair! If hes afraid, let him back out. I wish to God he would.
Isabel reclined in her chair, folding her arms and gazing a while at her cousin. I dont think I understand you, she said at last coldly. I dont know what youre talking about.
I believed youd marry a man of more importance.
Cold, I say, her tone had been, but at this a colour like a flame leaped into her face. Of more importance to whom? It seems to me enough that ones husband should be of importance to ones self!
Ralph blushed as well; his attitude embarrassed him. Physically speaking he proceeded to change it; he straightened himself, then leaned forward, resting a hand on each knee. He fixed his eyes on the ground; he had an air of the most respectful deliberation.