And so, said little Neddy, (he is only just eighteen, and hasnt been in our office a year yet; but hes such a clever, industrious little chap, that he has gone over the heads of half a dozen of our youngsters, and hasnt stopped yet by a long way,) youre off on the 15th! wish I was. Well, heres luck any how, said he, nodding to me, and taking a bite out of a slice of pine-apple.
Gentle Shepherd, tell me where? said Jem Fisher. (Jem is very fond of quoting poetry; not that I think half that he quotes is real poetry, only how is one to find him out? Jem is a tall, good-looking fellow, as old as I am, and thats twenty-one last birthday; we came into the office together years ago, and have been very thick ever since, which I sometimes wonder at, for Jem is a bit of a swell Gentleman Jem they call him in the office.) Now, Dick, where are you bound for?
Well, thats more than I know myself, said I.
Then, said he, taking his pipe out of his pocket and filling it, I vote we settle for him, eh, Neddy?
Aye, aye, Sir, said Neddy, stretching over for the pottle; but, I say, Jem, you havent finished all those plums? and he poked about in the leaves with his fingers.
Every mothers son of them, said Jem, lighting a lucifer; if you come to that, Master Ned, hand me over some of that pine-apple. But now, about the tour; how much money are you going to spend on it, Dick?
Well, I havent quite settled, said I; but I shouldnt mind, now, going as high as four or five pounds, if I can suit myself.
You may go pretty near to Jericho for that now-a-days, said Neddy. As I came along Holborn to-night, I saw a great placard outside the George and Blue Boar, with to Llangollen and back 15s. on it. What do you think of that? Youll be turned out at the station there with £4 5s. in your pocket.
Wheres Llangollen? said I.
Not half-way to Jericho, shouted Jem, with a laugh. Wheres Llangollen? Why didnt you ever hear the song of Kitty Morgan, the maid of Llangollen? Youre a pretty fellow to go touring.
Yes, fifty times, said I; only the song dont tell you where the place is where is it now?
In Wales, of course, said he, thinking he had me.
Yes, I know that; but whereabouts in Wales, said I, for Wales is a biggish place. Is it near any thing one reads about in books, and ought to go and see?
Hanged if I know exactly, said Jem, puffing away; only of course Wales is worth seeing.
So is France, struck in Neddy; why, you may go to Paris and stay a fortnight for I dont know how little.
Aye, or to Edinburgh or the Lakes, said Jem.
I want to have the particulars though, said I; Im not going to start off to some foreign place, and find myself with no money to spend and enjoy myself with, when I get there.
Ill tell you what, said Neddy, jumping up, Ill just run round to the Working Mens College, and borrow a Bradshaw from the secretary. We shall find all the cheap excursions there; and away he went before we could say a word.
I say, said Jem to me, how fond he is of bringing up that place; hes always at me to go and enter there.
So he is at me, said I, and I think I shall, for he seems to pick up a lot of things there. How sharp he is at figures! and he knows more history and geography ten to one than I do. Ill bet he knew what county Llangollen is in, and something about it too. Lets ask him when he comes back.
Catch me! said Jem; hell look it out on the map on his way back, or ask one of the lecturers.
Here you are! look here! said Neddy, tumbling in with two Bradshaws and a great atlas under his arm; unprecedented attraction, pleasure excursions, let me see Return tickets for Ireland, available for a fortnight. Waterford, 1l. 16s.; Cork, 2l.
Nonsense! cried Jem, who had got the other Bradshaw; listen here: Channel Islands, (remarkable as being the only remaining Norman possessions of the British crown,) second class and fore cabin, 21s.
London to Dieppe, return tickets available for fourteen days, second class, 21s., sung out Ned, from the other Bradshaw.
And away they went, with Brussels, and Bangor, and the Manchester Exhibition, and Plymouth and Glasgow, and the Isle of Man, and Margate and Ramsgate, and the Isle of Wight; and then to Gibraltar and Malta and New York, and all over the world. I sat and smoked my pipe, for twas no use trying to settle any thing; but presently, when they got tired, we set to work and began to put down the figures. However, that wasnt much better, for there were such a lot of tours to go; and one was a bit too short, and the other too long, and this cost too much, and that too little; so all the beer was gone, and we were no nearer settling any thing when eleven oclock struck.
Well, said Jem, getting up and knocking the ashes out of his third pipe, I declare its almost as good as going a tour ones self, settling it for Dick here.
I just wish you had settled it, said I; Im more puzzled than when we began.
Heigh-ho, fellows never know when theyre well off, said Neddy; now I never get a chance. In my holiday I just go down to the old folk at Romford, and there I stick.
They dont indeed, said I; I wonder to hear you talk like that, Ned. Some folks would give all theyre worth to have old folk to go to.
Well, I didnt mean it, said he, looking hurt. And I dont believe he did, for a kinder hearted fellow dont live; and I was half sorry I had said what I did say.
Further deliberation will be necessary, said Jem, lighting his fourth pipe; well come again to-morrow night; your bacchys nearly out, Dick; lay in some birds eye for to-morrow; real Bristol, do you hear?
Time to go, I suppose, said Ned, getting up and gathering the Bradshaws and atlas together; are we to come again to-morrow, Dick?
To-morrow, didst thou say? methought I heard Horatio say to-morrow. Go to; it is a thing of naught, and Jem clapped on his hat and began ranting in his way; so I broke in
I wish youd hold that noise, and talk sense, said I.
Shakspeare! said Jem, stopping short and pulling up his collar.
Gammon! said Neddy, bursting out laughing.
Thats right, Neddy, said I; hes always going off with some of his nonsense, and calling it poetry.
I didnt say it was poetry, did I? said Jem.
What is it then? said I.
Blank verse, said he.
Whats the difference? said I.
Go up the mill-dam, fall down slam, dat poetry; go up the mill-dam, fall down whoppo, dat plank verse, said he. Go along nigger had him dere, nigger, and he turned in his knees and grinned, like one of those poor beggars who black their faces and go about the streets with red striped trowsers, white ties, and banjos.
You ought to be a nigger yourself, Jem, said I, and I should just like to have the driving of you. There, tumble out with you; its time for steady folks to turn in.
So I turned them out and held the candle, while they floundered down stairs, that wretch, Jem, singing, Theres some un in de house wid Dinah, loud enough to be heard at the Foundling. I was glad to hear my landlady catch him at the bottom of the stairs, and give it him well about a respectable house, and what she was used to with her gents, while she opened the door; only I dont see what right she had to give it me all over again next morning at breakfast, and call Jem Fisher a wild young man, and bad company, because thats just what he isnt, only a little noisy sometimes. And as if Im not to have who I please up to my room without her interfering! I pay my rent regular every month, I know. However, I didnt mind much what she said at breakfast time, because I had got a letter from the country. I dont get a letter once a month, and its very odd this one should have come on this very morning, when I was puzzling where to go for my holiday; and I dare say youll think so too, when I tell you what it was about. Lets see here it is in my pocket, so you shall have it whole: