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My friend, I said to him, I am seeking an abandoned farm. Do you know of many such in this vicinity?
How? he asked.
I never got so tired of repeating a question in my life; nevertheless, for this yokels limited understanding, I repeated it again.
Well, he said at length, whut with all these city fellers moving in here to do gentleman-farming whatsoever that may mean farm property has gone up until now its wuth considerable moren town property, as a rule. I could scursely say I know of any of the kind of farms you mention as laying round loose no, wait a minute; I do recollect a place. Its that shack up back of the country poor farm that the supervisors used for a pest house the time the smallpox broke out. That there place is considerbly abandoned. You might try
In a stern tone of voice I bade Winsell to drive on and turn in at the next farmhouse he came to. The time for trifling had passed. My mind was fixed. My jaw was also set. I know, because I set it myself. And I have no doubt there was a determined glint in my eye; in fact, I could feel the glint reflected upon my cheek.
At the next farm Winsell turned in. We passed through a stone gateway and rolled up a well-kept road toward a house we could see in glimpses through the intervening trees. We skirted several rather neat flower beds, curved round a greenhouse and came out on a stretch of lawn. I at once decided that this place would do undoubtedly. There might be alterations to make, but in the main the establishment would be satisfactory even though the house, on closer inspection, proved to be larger than it had seemed when seen from a distance.
On a signal from me Winsell halted at the front porch. Without a word I stepped out. He followed. I mounted the steps, treading with great firmness and decision, and rang the doorbell hard. A middle-aged person dressed in black, with a high collar, opened the door.
Are you the proprietor of this place? I demanded without any preamble. My patience was exhausted; I may have spoken sharply.
Oh, no, sir, he said, and I could tell by his accent he was English; the marster is out, sir.
I wish to see him, I said, on particular business at once! At once, you understand it is important!
Perhaps youd better come in, sir, he said humbly. It was evident my manner, which was, I may say, almost haughty, had impressed him deeply. If you will wait, sir, Ill have the marster called, sir. Hes not far away, sir.
Very good, I replied. Do so!
He showed us into a large library and fussed about, offering drinks and cigars and what-not. Winsell seemed somewhat perturbed by these attentions, but I bade him remain perfectly calm and collected, adding that I would do all the talking.
We took cigars very good cigars they were. As they were not banded I assumed they were home grown. I had always heard that Connecticut tobacco was strong, but these specimens were very mild and pleasant. I had about decided I should put in tobacco for private consumption and grow my own cigars and cigarettes when the door opened, and a stout elderly man with side whiskers entered the room. He was in golfing costume and was breathing hard.
As soon as I got your message I hurried over as fast as I could, he said.
You need not apologize, I replied; we have not been kept waiting very long.
I presume you come in regard to the traction matter? he ventured.
No, I said, not exactly. You own this place, I believe?
I do, he said, staring at me.
So far, so good, I said. Now, then, kindly tell me when you expect to abandon it.
He backed away from me a few feet, gaping. He opened his mouth and for a few moments absent-mindedly left it in that condition.
When do I expect to do what? he inquired. When, I said, do you expect to abandon it? He shook his head as though he had some marbles inside of it and liked the rattling sound.
I dont understand yet, he said, puzzled.
I will explain, I said very patiently. I wish to acquire by purchase or otherwise one of the abandoned farms of this state. Not having been able to find one that was already abandoned, though I believe them to be very numerous, I am looking for one that is about to be abandoned. I wish, you understand, to have the first call on it. Winsell I said in an aside quit pulling at my coat-tail! Therefore, I resumed, readdressing the man with the side whiskers, I ask you a plain question, to wit: When do you expect to abandon this one? I expect a plain answer.
He edged a few feet nearer an electric push button which was set in the wall. He seemed flustered and distraught; in fact, almost apprehensive.
May I inquire, he said nervously, how you got in here?
Your servant admitted us, I said, with dignity. Yes, he said in a soothing tone; but did you come afoot or how?
I drove here in a car, I told him, though I couldnt see what difference that made.
Merciful Heavens! he muttered. They do not trust you I mean you do not drive the car yourself, do you?
Here Winsell cut in.
I drove the car, he said. I I did not want to come, but he pointing to me he insisted. Winsell is by nature a groveling soul. His tone was almost cringing.
I see, said the gentleman, wagging his head, I see. Sad case very sad case! Young, too! Then he faced me. You will excuse me now, he said. I wish to speak to my butler. I have just thought of several things I wish to say to him. Now in regard to abandoning this place: I do not expect to abandon this place just yet probably not for some weeks or possibly months. In case I should decide to abandon it sooner, if you will leave your address with me I will communicate with you by letter at the institution where you may chance to be stopping at the time. I trust this will be satisfactory.
He turned again to Winsell.
Does your ahem friend care for flowers? he asked.
Yes, said Winsell. I think so.
Perhaps you might show him my flower gardens as you go away, said the side-whiskered man. I have heard somewhere that flowers have a very soothing effect sometimes in such cases or it may have been music. I have spent thirty thousand dollars beautifying these grounds and I am really very proud of them. Show him the flowers by all means you might even let him pick a few if it will humor him.
I started to speak, but he was gone. In the distance somewhere I heard a door slam.
Under the circumstances there was nothing for us to do except to come away. Originally I did not intend to make public mention of this incident, preferring to dismiss the entire thing from my mind; but, inasmuch as Winsell has seen fit to circulate a perverted and needlessly exaggerated version of it among our circle of friends, I feel that the exact circumstances should be properly set forth.
It was a late hour when we rejoined our wives. This was due to Winsels stupidity in forgetting the route we had traversed after parting from them; in fact, it was nearly midnight before he found his way back to the teahouse where we left them. The teahouse had been closed for some hours then and our wives were sitting in the dark on the teahouse porch waiting for us. Really, I could not blame them for scolding Winsell; but they displayed an unwarranted peevishness toward me. My wifes display of temper was really the last straw. It was that, taken in connection with certain other circumstances, which clinched my growing resolution to let the whole project slide into oblivion. I woke her up and in so many words told her so on the way home. We arrived there shortly after daylight of the following morning.