I looked up at his face warily. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was strained.
Ill never forgive myself for leaving you, he whispered. Not if I live a hundred thousand years.
I put my hand against his cold face and waited until he sighed and opened his eyes.
You were just trying to do the right thing. And Im sure it would have worked with anyone less mental than me. Besides, youre here now. Thats the part that matters.
If Id never left, you wouldnt feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a dog.
I flinched. I was used to Jacob and all his derogatory slursbloodsucker, leech, parasite. . . . Somehow it sounded harsher in Edwards velvet voice.
I dont know how to phrase this properly, Edward said, and his tone was bleak. Its going to sound cruel, I suppose. But Ive come too close to losing you in the past. I know what it feels like to think I have. I am not going to tolerate anything dangerous.
You have to trust me on this. Ill be fine.
His face was pained again. Please, Bella, he whispered.
I stared into his suddenly burning golden eyes. Please what?
Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. Ill do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help.
Ill work on it, I murmured.
Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you? He pulled me tighter against his hard chest, tucking my head under his chin.
I pressed my lips against his snow-cold neck. I know how much I love you, I answered.
You compare one small tree to the entire forest.
I rolled my eyes, but he couldnt see. Impossible.
He kissed the top of my head and sighed.
No werewolves.
Im not going along with that. I have to see Jacob.
Then Ill have to stop you.
He sounded utterly confident that this wouldnt be a problem.
I was sure he was right.
Well see about that, I bluffed anyway. Hes still my friend.
I could feel Jacobs note in my pocket, like it suddenly weighed ten pounds. I could hear the words in his voice, and he seemed to be agreeing with Edwardsomething that would never happen in reality.
Doesnt change anything. Sorry.
2 EVASION
I FELT ODDLY BUOYANT AS I WALKED FROM SPANISH toward the cafeteria, and it wasnt just because I was holding hands with the most perfect person on the planet, though that was certainly part of it.
Maybe it was the knowledge that my sentence was served and I was a free woman again.
Or maybe it wasnt anything to do with me specifically. Maybe it was the atmosphere of freedom that hung over the entire campus. School was winding down, and, for the senior class especially, there was a perceptible thrill in the air.
Freedom was so close it was touchable, taste-able. Signs of it were everywhere. Posters crowded together on the cafeteria walls, and the trashcans wore a colorful skirt of spilled-over fliers: reminders to buy yearbooks, class rings, and announcements; deadlines to order graduation gowns, hats, and tassels; neon-bright sales pitchesthe juniors campaigning for class office; ominous, rose-wreathed advertisements for this years prom. The big dance was this coming weekend, but I had an ironclad promise from Edward that I would not be subjected to that again. After all, Id already had that human experience.
No, it must be my personal freedom that lightened me today. The ending of the school year did not give me the pleasure it seemed to give the other students. Actually, I felt nervous to the point of nausea whenever I thought of it. I tried to not think of it.
But it was hard to escape such an omnipresent topic as graduation.
Have you sent your announcements, yet? Angela asked when Edward and I sat down at our table. She had her light brown hair pulled back into a sloppy ponytail instead of her usual smooth hairdo, and there was a slightly frantic look about her eyes.
Alice and Ben were already there, too, on either side of Angela. Ben was intent over a comic book, his glasses sliding down his narrow nose. Alice was scrutinizing my boring jeans-and-a-t-shirt outfit in a way that made me self-conscious. Probably plotting another makeover. I sighed. My indifferent attitude to fashion was a constant thorn in her side. If Id allow it, shed love to dress me every dayperhaps several times a daylike some oversized three-dimensional paper doll.
No, I answered Angela. Theres no point, really. Renée knows when Im graduating. Who else is there?
How about you, Alice?
Alice smiled. All done.
Lucky you. Angela sighed. My mother has a thousand cousins and she expects me to hand-address one to everybody. Im going to get carpal tunnel. I cant put it off any longer and Im just dreading it.
Ill help you, I volunteered. If you dont mind my awful handwriting.
Charlie would like that. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward smile. He must like that, toome fulfilling Charlies conditions without involving werewolves.
Angela looked relieved. Thats so nice of you. Ill come over any time you want.
Actually, Id rather go to your house if thats okayIm sick of mine. Charlie un-grounded me last night. I grinned as I announced my good news.
Really? Angela asked, mild excitement lighting her always-gentle brown eyes. I thought you said you were in for life.
Im more surprised than you are. I was sure I would at least have finished high school before he set me free.
Well, this is great, Bella! Well have to go out to celebrate.
You have no idea how good that sounds.
What should we do? Alice mused, her face lighting up at the possibilities. Alices ideas were usually a little grandiose for me, and I could see it in her eyes nowthe tendency to take things too far kicking into action.
Whatever youre thinking, Alice, I doubt Im that free.
Free is free, right? she insisted.
Im sure I still have boundarieslike the continental U.S., for example.
Angela and Ben laughed, but Alice grimaced in real disappointment.
So what are we doing tonight? she persisted.
Nothing. Look, lets give it a couple of days to make sure he wasnt joking. Its a school night, anyway.
Well celebrate this weekend, then. Alices enthusiasm was impossible to repress.
Sure, I said, hoping to placate her. I knew I wasnt going to do anything too outlandish; it would be safer to take it slow with Charlie. Give him a chance to appreciate how trustworthy and mature I was before I asked for any favors.
Angela and Alice started talking about options; Ben joined the conversation, setting his comics aside. My attention drifted. I was surprised to find that the subject of my freedom was suddenly not as gratifying as it had been just a moment ago. While they discussed things to do in Port Angeles or maybe Hoquiam, I began to feel disgruntled.
It didnt take long to determine where my restlessness stemmed from.
Ever since Id said goodbye to Jacob Black in the forest outside my home, Id been plagued by a persistent, uncomfortable intrusion of a specific mental picture. It popped into my thoughts at regular intervals like some annoying alarm clock set to sound every half hour, filling my head with the image of Jacobs face crumpled in pain. This was the last memory I had of him.
As the disturbing vision struck again, I knew exactly why I was dissatisfied with my liberty. Because it was incomplete.
Sure, I was free to go to anywhere I wantedexcept La Push; free to do anything I wantedexcept see Jacob. I frowned at the table. There had to be some kind of middle ground.
Alice? Alice!
Angelas voice yanked me from my reverie. She was waving her hand back and forth in front of Alices blank, staring face. Alices expression was something I recognizedan expression that sent an automatic shock of panic through my body. The vacant look in her eyes told me that she was seeing something very different from the mundane lunchroom scene that surrounded us, but something that was every bit as real in its own way. Something that was coming, something that would happen soon. I felt the blood slither from my face.
Then Edward laughed, a very natural, relaxed sound. Angela and Ben looked toward him, but my eyes were locked on Alice. She jumped suddenly, as if someone had kicked her under the table.
Is it naptime already, Alice? Edward teased.
Alice was herself again. Sorry, I was daydreaming, I guess.
Daydreamings better than facing two more hours of school, Ben said.
Alice threw herself back into the conversation with more animation than beforejust a little bit too much. Once I saw her eyes lock with Edwards, only for a moment, and then she looked back to Angela before anyone else noticed. Edward was quiet, playing absentmindedly with a strand of my hair.
I waited anxiously for a chance to ask Edward what Alice had seen in her vision, but the afternoon passed without one minute of alone time.
It felt odd to me, almost deliberate. After lunch, Edward slowed his pace to match Bens, talking about some assignment I knew hed already finished. Then there was always someone else there between classes, though we usually had a few minutes to ourselves. When the final bell rang, Edward struck up a conversation with Mike Newton of all people, falling into step beside him as Mike headed for the parking lot. I trailed behind, letting Edward tow me along.
I listened, confused, while Mike answered Edwards unusually friendly queries. It seemed Mike was having car troubles.
. . . but I just replaced the battery, Mike was saying. His eyes darted ahead and then back to Edward warily. Mystified, just like I was.
Perhaps its the cables? Edward offered.
Maybe. I really dont know anything about cars, Mike admitted. I need to have someone look at it, but I cant afford to take it to Dowlings.
I opened my mouth to suggest my mechanic, and then snapped it shut again. My mechanic was busy these daysbusy running around as a giant wolf.
I know a few thingsI could take a look, if you like, Edward offered. Just let me drop Alice and Bella at home.
Mike and I both stared at Edward with our mouths hanging open.
Er . . . thanks, Mike mumbled when he recovered. But I have to get to work. Maybe some other time.
Absolutely.
See ya. Mike climbed into his car, shaking his head in disbelief.
Edwards Volvo, with Alice already inside, was just two cars away.
What was that about? I muttered as Edward held the passenger door for me.
Just being helpful, Edward answered.
And then Alice, waiting in the backseat, was babbling at top speed.
Youre really not that good a mechanic, Edward. Maybe you should have Rosalie take a look at it tonight, just so you look good if Mike decides to let you help, you know. Not that it wouldnt be fun to watch his face if Rosalie showed up to help. But since Rosalie is supposed to be across the country attending college, I guess thats not the best idea. Too bad. Though I suppose, for Mikes car, youll do. Its only within the finer tunings of a good Italian sports car that youre out of your depth. And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche. I dont know that I want to wait for Christmas. . . .
I stopped listening after a minute, letting her quick voice become just a hum in the background as I settled into my patient mode.
It looked to me like Edward was trying to avoid my questions. Fine. He would have to be alone with me soon enough. It was only a matter of time.
Edward seemed to realize that, too. He dropped Alice at the mouth of the Cullens drive as usual, though by this point I half expected him to drive her to the door and walk her in.
As she got out, Alice threw a sharp look at his face. Edward seemed completely at ease.
See you later, he said. And then, ever so slightly, he nodded.
Alice turned to disappear into the trees.
He was quiet as he turned the car around and headed back to Forks. I waited, wondering if he would bring it up himself. He didnt, and this made me tense. What had Alice seen today at lunch? Something he didnt want to tell me, and I tried to think of a reason why he would keep secrets. Maybe it would be better to prepare myself before I asked. I didnt want to freak out and have him think I couldnt handle it, whatever it was.
So we were both silent until we got to back to Charlies house.
Light homework load tonight, he commented.
Mmm, I assented.
Do you suppose Im allowed inside again?
Charlie didnt throw a fit when you picked me up for school.
But I was sure Charlie was going to turn sulky fast when he got home and found Edward here. Maybe I should make something extra-special for dinner.
Inside, I headed up the stairs, and Edward followed. He lounged on my bed and gazed out the window, seeming oblivious to my edginess.
I stowed my bag and turned the computer on. There was an unanswered e-mail from my mom to attend to, and she got panicky when I took too long. I drummed my fingers as I waited for my decrepit computer to wheeze awake; they snapped against the desk, staccato and anxious.
And then his fingers were on mine, holding them still.
Are we a little impatient today? he murmured.
I looked up, intending to make a sarcastic remark, but his face was closer than Id expected. His golden eyes were smoldering, just inches away, and his breath was cool against my open lips. I could taste his scent on my tongue.
I couldnt remember the witty response Id been about to make. I couldnt remember my name.
He didnt give me a chance to recover.
If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing Edward. There wasnt anything Id experienced in my life that compared to the feeling of his cool lips, marble hard but always so gentle, moving with mine.
I didnt often get my way.
So it surprised me a little when his fingers braided themselves into my hair, securing my face to his. My arms locked behind his neck, and I wished I was strongerstrong enough to keep him prisoner here. One hand slid down my back, pressing me tighter against his stone chest. Even through his sweater, his skin was cold enough to make me shiverit was a shiver of pleasure, of happiness, but his hands began to loosen in response.