The Cullens had no idea, I said in a whisper. They didnt think that werewolves still existed here. They didnt know that coming here would change you.
It doesnt change the fact that it did.
Remind me not to get on your bad side.
You think I should be as forgiving as you are? We cant all be saints and martyrs.
Grow up, Jacob.
I wish I could, he murmured quietly.
I stared at him, trying to make sense of his response. What?
Jacob chuckled. One of those many strange things I mentioned.
You . . . cant . . . grow up? I said blankly. Youre what? Not . . . aging? Is that a joke?
Nope. He popped his lips on the P.
I felt blood flood my face. Tearstears of ragefilled my eyes. My teeth mashed together with an audible grinding sound.
Bella? What did I say?
I was on my feet again, my hands balled up into fists, my whole frame shaking.
You. Are. Not. Aging, I growled through my teeth.
Jacob tugged my arm gently, trying to make me sit. None of us are. Whats wrong with you?
Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day! I nearly shrieked, throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a Charlie-esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part. Damn it! What kind of world is this? Wheres the justice?
Take it easy, Bella.
Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair!
Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV.
I growled unimpressively.
Its not as bad as you seem to think it is. Sit down and Ill explain.
Ill stand.
He rolled his eyes. Okay. Whatever you want. But listen, I will get older . . . someday.
Explain.
He patted the tree. I glowered for a second, but then sat; my temper had burned out as suddenly as it had flared and Id calmed down enough to realize that I was making a fool of myself.
When we get enough control to quit . . . , Jacob said. When we stop phasing for a solid length of time, we age again. Its not easy. He shook his head, abruptly doubtful. Its gonna take a really long time to learn that kind of restraint, I think. Even Sams not there yet. Course it doesnt help that theres a huge coven of vampires right down the road. We cant even think about quitting when the tribe needs protectors. But you shouldnt get all bent out of shape about it, anyway, because Im already older than you, physically at least.
What are you talking about?
Look at me, Bells. Do I look sixteen?
I glanced up and down his mammoth frame, trying to be unbiased. Not exactly, I guess.
Not at all. Because we reach full growth inside of a few months when the werewolf gene gets triggered. Its one hell of a growth spurt. He made a face. Physically, Im probably twenty-five or something. So theres no need for you to freak out about being too old for me for at least another seven years.
Twenty-five or something. The idea messed with my head. But I remembered that growth spurtI remembered watching him shoot up and fill out right before my eyes. I remembered how he would look different from one day to the next. . . . I shook my head, feeling dizzy.
So, did you want to hear about Sam, or did you want to scream at me some more for things that are out of my control?
I took a deep breath. Sorry. Age is a touchy subject for me. That hit a nerve.
Jacobs eyes tightened, and he looked as if he were trying to decide how to word something.
Since I didnt want to talk about the truly touchy stuffmy plans for the future, or treaties that might be broken by said plans, I prompted him. So once Sam understood what was going on, once he had Billy and Harry and Mr. Ateara, you said it wasnt so hard anymore. And, like you also said, there are the cool parts. . . . I hesitated briefly. Why does Sam hate them so much? Why does he wish I would hate them?
Jacob sighed. This is the really weird part.
Im a pro at weird.
Yeah, I know. He grinned before he continued. So, youre right. Sam knew what was going on, and everything was almost okay. In most ways, his life was back to, well, not normal. But better. Then Jacobs expression tightened, like something painful was coming. Sam couldnt tell Leah. We arent supposed to tell anyone who doesnt have to know. And it wasnt really safe for him to be around herbut he cheated, just like I did with you. Leah was furious that he wouldnt tell her what was going onwhere hed been, where he went at night, why he was always so exhaustedbut they were working it out. They were trying. They really loved each other.
Did she find out? Is that what happened?
He shook his head. No, that wasnt the problem. Her cousin, Emily Young, came down from the Makah reservation to visit her one weekend.
I gasped. Emily is Leahs cousin?
Second cousins. Theyre close, though. They were like sisters when they were kids.
Thats . . . horrible. How could Sam . . . ? I trailed off, shaking my head.
Dont judge him just yet. Did anyone ever tell you . . . Have you ever heard of imprinting?
Imprinting? I repeated the unfamiliar word. No. Whats that mean?
Its one of those bizarre things we have to deal with. It doesnt happen to everyone. In fact, its the rare exception, not the rule. Sam had heard all the stories by then, the stories we all used to think were legends. Hed heard of imprinting, but he never dreamed . . .
What is it? I prodded.
Jacobs eyes strayed to the ocean. Sam did love Leah. But when he saw Emily, that didnt matter anymore. Sometimes . . . we dont exactly know why . . . we find our mates that way. His eyes flashed back to me, his face reddening. I mean . . . our soul mates.
What way? Love at first sight? I snickered.
Jacob wasnt smiling. His dark eyes were critical of my reaction. Its a little bit more powerful than that. More absolute.
Sorry, I muttered. Youre serious, arent you?
Yeah, I am.
Love at first sight? But more powerful? My voice still sounded dubious, and he could hear that.
Its not easy to explain. It doesnt matter, anyway. He shrugged indifferently. You wanted to know what happened to Sam to make him hate the vampires for changing him, to make him hate himself. And thats what happened. He broke Leahs heart. He went back on every promise hed ever made her. Every day he has to see the accusation in her eyes, and know that shes right.
He stopped talking abruptly, as if hed said something he hadnt meant to.
How did Emily deal with this? If she was so close to Leah . . . ? Sam and Emily were utterly right together, two puzzle pieces, shaped for each other exactly. Still . . . how had Emily gotten past the fact that hed belonged to someone else? Her sister, almost.
She was real angry, in the beginning. But its hard to resist that level of commitment and adoration. Jacob sighed. And then, Sam could tell her everything. There are no rules that can bind you when you find your other half. You know how she got hurt?
Yeah. The story in Forks was that she was mauled by a bear, but I was in on the secret.
Werewolves are unstable, Edward had said. The people near them get hurt.
Well, weirdly enough, that was sort of how they resolved things. Sam was so horrified, so sickened by himself, so full of hate for what hed done. . . . He would have thrown himself under a bus if it would have made her feel better. He might have anyway, just to escape what hed done. He was shattered. . . . Then, somehow, she was the one comforting him, and after that. . . .
Jacob didnt finish his thought, and I sensed the story had gotten too personal to share.
Poor Emily, I whispered. Poor Sam. Poor Leah. . . .
Yeah, Leah got the worst end of the stick, he agreed. She puts on a brave face. Shes going to be a bridesmaid.
I gazed away, toward the jagged rocks that rose from the ocean like stubby broken-off fingers on the south rim of the harbor, while I tried to make sense of it all. I could feel his eyes on my face, waiting for me to say something.
Did it happen to you? I finally asked, still looking away. This love-at-first-sight thing?
No, he answered briskly. Sam and Jared are the only ones.
Hmm, I said, trying to sound only politely interested. I was relieved, and I tried to explain my reaction to myself. I decided I was just glad he didnt claim there was some mystical, wolfy connection between the two of us. Our relationship was confusing enough as it was. I didnt need any more of the supernatural than I already had to deal with.
He was quiet, too, and the silence felt a little awkward. My intuition told me that I didnt want to hear what he was thinking.
How did that work out for Jared? I asked to break the silence.
No drama there. It was just a girl hed sat next to in school every day for a year and never looked at twice. And then, after he changed, he saw her again and never looked away. Kim was thrilled. Shed had a huge crush on him. Shed had his last name tacked on to the end of hers all over in her diary. He laughed mockingly.
I frowned. Did Jared tell you that? He shouldnt have.
Jacob bit his lip. I guess I shouldnt laugh. It was funny, though.
Some soul mate.
He sighed. Jared didnt tell us anything on purpose. I already told you this part, remember?
Oh, yeah. You can hear each others thoughts, but only when youre wolves, right?
Right. Just like your bloodsucker. He glowered.
Edward, I corrected.
Sure, sure. Thats how come I know so much about how Sam felt. Its not like he would have told us all that if hed had a choice. Actually, thats something we all hate. The bitterness was abruptly harsh in his voice. Its awful. No privacy, no secrets. Everything youre ashamed of, laid out for everyone to see. He shuddered.
It sounds horrible, I whispered.
It is sometimes helpful when we need to coordinate, he said grudgingly. Once in a blue moon, when some bloodsucker crosses into our territory. Laurent was fun. And if the Cullens hadnt gotten in our way last Saturday . . . ugh! he groaned. We could have had her! His fists clenched into angry balls.
I flinched. As much as I worried about Jasper or Emmett getting hurt, it was nothing like the panic I felt at the idea of Jacob going up against Victoria. Emmett and Jasper were the closest thing to indestructible I could imagine. Jacob was still warm, still comparatively human. Mortal. I thought of Jacob facing Victoria, her brilliant hair blowing around her oddly feline face . . . and shuddered.
Jacob looked up at me with a curious expression. But isnt it like that for you all the time? Having him in your head?
Oh, no. Edwards never in my head. He only wishes.
Jacobs expression became confused.
He cant hear me, I explained, my voice a tiny bit smug from old habit. Im the only one like that, for him. We dont know why he cant.
Weird, Jacob said.
Yeah. The smugness faded. It probably means theres something wrong with my brain, I admitted.
I already knew there was something wrong with your brain, Jacob muttered.
Thanks.
The sun broke through the clouds suddenly, a surprise I hadnt been expecting, and I had to narrow my eyes against the glare off the water. Everything changed colorthe waves turned from gray to blue, the trees from dull olive to brilliant jade, and the rainbow-hued pebbles glittered like jewels.
We squinted for a moment, letting our eyes adjust. There were no sounds besides the hollow roar of the waves that echoed from every side of the sheltered harbor, the soft grinding of the stones against each other under the waters movement, and the cry of gulls high overhead. It was very peaceful.
Jacob settled closer to me, so that he was leaning against my arm. He was so warm. After a minute of this, I shrugged out of my rain jacket. He made a little sound of contentment in the back of his throat, and rested his cheek on the top of my head. I could feel the sun heat my skinthought it was not quite as warm as Jacoband I wondered idly how long it would take me to burn.
Absentmindedly, I twisted my right hand to the side, and watched the sunlight glitter subtly off the scar James had left there.
What are you thinking about? he murmured.
The sun.
Mmm. Its nice.
What are you thinking about? I asked.
He chuckled to himself. I was remembering that moronic movie you took me to. And Mike Newton puking all over everything.
I laughed, too, surprised by how time had changed the memory. It used to be one of stress, of confusion. So much had changed that night. . . . And now I could laugh. It was the last night Jacob and I had had before hed learned the truth about his heritage. The last human memory. An oddly pleasant memory now.
I miss that, Jacob said. The way it used to be so easy . . . uncomplicated. Im glad Ive got a good memory. He sighed.
He felt the sudden tension in my body as his words triggered a memory of my own.
What is it? he asked.
About that good memory of yours . . . I pulled away from him so that I could read his face. At the moment, it was confused. Do you mind telling me what you were doing Monday morning? You were thinking something that bothered Edward. Bothered wasnt quite the word for it, but I wanted an answer, so I thought it was best not to start out too severely.
Jacobs face brightened with understanding, and he laughed. I was just thinking about you. Didnt like that much, did he?
Me? What about me?
Jacob laughed, with a harder edge this time. I was remembering the way you looked that night Sam found youIve seen it in his head, and its like I was there; that memory has always haunted Sam, you know. And then I remembered how you looked the first time you came to my place. I bet you dont even realize what a mess you were then, Bella. It was weeks before you started to look human again. And I remembered how you always used to have your arms wrapped around yourself, trying to hold yourself together. . . . Jacob winced, and then shook his head. Its hard for me to remember how sad you were, and it wasnt my fault. So I figured it would be harder for him. And I thought he ought to get a look at what hed done.