"Is it really going to be okay, Zoey?" Shaunee asked.
"Is it?" Erin echoed.
"I think so," I said.
"How?" Shaunee asked.
"I don't really know. I think all we can do is take one day at a time."
Surprisingly, I'd finished all my soup. I did feel betterwarmer, more normal. I was also unbelievably tired. The Twins must have noticed my eyelids getting heavy, because Erin took my tray. Shaunee handed me a little vial of milky liquid.
"Neferet said you should drink this, that it'll help you sleep without nightmares," she said.
"Thanks." I took it from her, but I didn't drink it. She and Erin just stood there looking at me. "I'll take it in a minute. After I go to the bathroom. Just leave my pop in case it tastes nasty."
That seemed to satisfy them. Before they left Shaunee said, "Zoey, can we get you anything else?"
"No, thanks though."
"You'll call us if you need anything, right?" Erin said. "We promised Stevie Rae ..." Her voice broke and Shaunee finished for her, "We promised her we'd take care of you, and we live up to our promises."
"I'll call you," I said.
"'Kay," they said. "Night "
"Night," I called to the closing door.
As soon as they were gone I poured the creamy white liquid down the sink and threw away the vial.
Then I was alone. I glanced at my alarm clock, 6:00 A.M. It was amazing how much things could change in just a few hours. I tried not to, but flashes of Stevie Rae's death kept playing across my mind, like there was a horrible movie screen stuck inside my eyes. I jumped when my cell phone rang, and checked the caller ID. It was my grandma's number! Relief surged through me. I flipped the phone open and struggled not to burst into tears.
"I'm so glad you called, Grandma!"
"Little Bird, I woke from a dream about you. Is everything all right?" Her worried tone said she already knew it wasn't, which didn't surprise me. For my whole life my grandma and I had been linked.
"No. Nothing is right," I whispered as I began to cry again. "Grandma, Stevie Rae died tonight."
"Oh, Zoey! I'm so terribly sorry!"
"She died in my arms, Grandma, just minutes after Nyx gifted her with an affinity for the element earth."
"It must have been a great comfort for her that you were with her at the end." I could hear that Grandma was crying now, too.
We were all with her, all of my friends."
"And Nyx must have been with her, too."
"Yes," my voice caught on a sob. "I think the Goddess was, but I don't understand it, Grandma. It doesn't make any sense that Nyx would gift Stevie Rae, and then let her die."
"Death never makes sense when it happens to the young. But I believe that your Goddess was close to Stevie Rae, even though her death happened too soon, and now she is resting peacefully with Nyx."
"I hope so."
"I wish I could come visit you, but with all this snow the roads out here are impossible. How about I fast and pray for Stevie Rae today?"
"Thank you, Grandma. I know she'd appreciate that."
"And, honey, you have to move past this."
"How, Grandma?"
"By honoring her memory by living a life she'd be proud of you for living. Live for her, too."
"It's hard, Grandma, especially when the vamps want us to just forget about the kids who die. They're treated like speed bumps, just something to pause a little about, and then go on."
"I don't mean to second-guess your High Priestess, or any of the other adult vampyres, but that seems shortsighted. Death is more difficult if it goes unacknowledged."
"That's what I think. Actually, that's what Stevie Rae thought, too." Then an idea came to me, along with a feeling that it was the right thing to do. "I can change that. With or without permission, I'm going to be sure Stevie Rae's death is honored. She's going to be more than a speed bump."
"Don't get in trouble, honey."
"Grandma, I am the most powerful fledgling in the history of vampyres. I think I should be willing to get in a little trouble for something I feel strongly about."
Grandma paused, then she said, "I think you might be right about that, Zoeybird."
"I love you, Grandma."
"I love you, too, u-we-tsi a-ge-hu-tsa." The Cherokee word for daughter made me feel loved and safe. "And now I want you to try to sleep. Know that I'll be praying for you, and asking the spirits of our grandmothers to watch over and comfort you."
"Thanks, Grandma. Bye."
"Good-bye, Zoeybird."
I closed the phone softly. I felt better now that I'd talked to Grandma. Before it had been like there was a huge, invisible weight pressing down on my chest. Now that it had shifted some it was easier for me to breathe. I started to lie down, and Nala popped in through the kitty door, leaped up on my bed, and instantly began me-uf-ow-ing at me. I petted her and told her how glad I was to see her, and then glanced over at Stevie Rae's empty bed. She always laughed at Nala's grumpiness, and said she sounded like an old woman, but she had loved the cat as much as me. Tears stung my eyes and I wondered if there was a limit to how much someone could cry. Just then my cell phone chimed that I had a new text message. I rubbed my eyes clear and flipped my phone back open.
R U OK? Somethings wrong.
It was Heath. Well, at least now there could be no doubt at all that he and I were linked through an Imprint. And what the hell I was going to do about that, I didn't know.
Bad day. My best friend died. I text messaged him back.
It was so long that I didn't think he was going to respond. Then finally my phone chimed again.
My friends have died 2.
I closed my eyes. How could I have forgotten that two of Heath's friends had just recently been killed?
I'm sorry. I typed back.
Me 2. Do u want me to come see u?
The instant, powerful yes! that burst through my body surprised me, but I suppose it shouldn't have. It would be wonderful to find oblivion in Heath's armsin the scarlet seduction of Heath's blood ...
No, I typed hastily, my hands shaking. You have school.
Nuh uh SNOW DAY!
I smiled, and spent a sweet second or two wishing that I could return to the time when a snow day meant a mini-holiday of tramping through snow with my friends and then curling up to watch rented movies and eat delivery pizza. My phone chimed again, breaking into my past-life fantasy.
I'll make u feel btr fri
I sighed. I'd totally forgotten about promising Heath I'd meet him after the game Friday. I shouldn't meet him. I knew it. Actually, I should go to Neferet and confess everything about Heath and have her help me fix it.
Neferet lies. Aphrodite's voice whispered through my mind. No. I couldn't go to Neferet, and for more reasons than just Aphrodite's warning. Something felt wrong about Neferet. I couldn't confide in her. My phone chimed.
Zo?
I sighed. I was so tired that it was getting hard to concentrate. I started to text back no and tell Heath that I just couldn't meet him, no matter how much I'd like to. I even hit the N and the O keys. Then I stopped, back-spaced over them, and resolutely typed: OK.
What the hell. It felt as if my life was unraveling like the hem of an old skirt. I didn't want to tell Heath no, and worrying about our Imprint was just one thing too many to worry about right now.
OK! Came his quick reply.
I sighed again, shut off my phone, and sat heavily on my bed, petting Nala, staring at nothing in particular, and wishing desperately that I could turn the clock back a day ... or maybe even a year ... Eventually I noticed that, for whatever reason, the vamps who had cleared out Stevie Rae's stuff had forgotten the old, handmade quilt that she kept folded on the end of her bed. I put Nala on my pillow and got up, pulling the quilt from Stevie Rae's bed. Then Nala and I curled up under it.
It felt like every molecule of my body was tired, but I couldn't sleep. I guess I missed Stevie Rae's soft snores and the sense that I wasn't alone. A sadness washed over me that was so deep I thought I might drown in it.
Two soft knocks came on the door. Then it opened slowly. I half sat up to see Shaunee and Erin, both in their pajamas and slippers, clutching pillows and blankets.
"Can we sleep with you?" Erin asked.
"We didn't want to be alone," Shaunee said.
"Yeah, and we thought you might not want to be alone, either," Erin finished.
"You're right. I don't." I swallowed back more tears. "Come on in.
They shuffled in and, with only a little hesitation, piled onto Stevie Rae's bed. Their long-haired silver-gray cat, Beelzebub, hopped up between them. Nala raised her head from my pillow to glance at him, and then, as if he were beneath her queenly notice, she curled back up and went promptly to sleep.
I was just drifting off to sleep when another soft knock came on the door. This time it didn't open, so I called, "Who is it?"
"Me."
Shaunee, Erin, and I blinked at each other. Then I hurried over to the door and opened it to find Damien standing in the hall wearing flannel pj's with pink bow-tied bears all over them. He looked kinda damp, and unmelted snowflakes were caught in his hair. He was carrying a sleeping bag and a pillow. I grabbed his arm and pulled him quickly into the room. His chubby tabby cat, Cameron, padded in with him.
"What are you doing, Damien? You know you're gonna get in a buttload of trouble if you get caught in here."
"Yeah, it's way past curfew," Erin said.
"You might be here getting ready to defile us virgins," Shaunee said. Then she and Erin looked at each other and burst out laughing, which made me smile. It was weird to have a happy feeling in the middle of such sadness, which is probably why the Twins' laughter and my smile faded quickly.
"Stevie Rae wouldn't want us to quit being happy," Damien said into the uncomfortable silence. Then he walked to the middle of the room and spread out his sleeping bag on the floor between the two beds. "And I'm here because we need to stick together. Not because I want to defile any of you, even if all of you were still virgins, although I do appreciate your use of vocabulary."
Erin and Shaunee snorted, but looked more amused than offended, and I made a mental note to ask them sex questions later.
"Well, I'm glad you came, but we're gonna have one heck of a time sneaking you out of here when everyone's eating breakfast and rushing around before school," I said, trying out escape plans in my head.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. The vamps are posting that the school's closed today due to snow. No onell be rushing anywhere. I'll just walk out with y'all whenever."
"Posting? You mean we'd have to wake up, get dressed, and go downstairs before we found out there wasn't any school? That sucks," I said.
I could hear the smile in Damien's voice. "They announce it on the local radio stations like normal schools do. But do you and Stevie Rae listen to the news while you get ..." Damien trailed off, and I realized that he'd started phrasing the question as if Stevie Rae were still alive.
"No," I said quickly, trying to cover his awkwardness. "We used to listen to country music. It always made me hurry up and get ready quicker so I could escape from it." My friends laughed softly. I waited until everyone was quiet again, and then I said, "I'm not going to forget her, and I'm not going to pretend like her death doesn't mean anything to me."
"Neither am I," Damien said.
"Me either," Shaunee said.
"Ditto, Twin," Erin said.
After a while I said, "I didn't think it could happen to a fledgling who had been given an affinity by Nyx. II just didn't think it could happen."
"No one's guaranteed to make it through the Change, not even those gifted by the Goddess," Damien said quietly.
"That just means we have to stick together," Erin said.
"It's the only way we can get through this," Shaunee said.
"That's what we'll do thenstick together," I said with finality.
"And promise that if the worst happens, and some of the rest of us don't make it through, the others won't let them be forgotten."
"Promise," my three friends said solemnly.
We all settled down then. The room didn't feel so lonely anymore, and just before I drifted off to sleep I whispered, "Thanks for not letting me be alone ..." and wasn't sure if I was thanking my friends, my Goddess, or Stevie Rae.
CHAPTER 25
It was snowing in my dream. At first I thought that was cool. I mean, it really was beautifulit made the world look Disney-like and perfect, as if nothing bad could happen, or if it did it was only temporary, because everyone knows Disney is all about happily ever after ...
I walked slowly, not feeling the cold. It seemed to be just before sunrise, but it was hard to tell with the sky all snowy and gray. I tilted my head back and looked at how the snow clung to the thick branches of the old oaks, and made the east wall look soft, and less imposing.
The east wall.
In my dream I hesitated when I realized where I was. Then I saw the figures, hooded and cloaked, standing in a group of four in front of the open trapdoor in the wall.
No! I told my dreaming self. I don't want to be over here. Not so soon after Stevie Rae died. After the last two times fledglings died I saw their ghosts or spirits or undead walking bodies or whatever here. Even if I had been gifted with a weird ability to see the dead by Nyx. Enough was enough! I didn't want
The smallest of the cloaked figures turned around and my internal argument scattered from my mind. It was Stevie Rae! Only it wasn't. She looked too pale and thin. And there was something else about her. I stared, and my initial hesitation was overcome by a terrible need within me to understand. I mean, if it really was Stevie Rae, then I didn't need to be afraid of her. Even weirdly changed by death, she was still my best friend. Wasn't she? I couldn't help moving forward until I was standing only a few feet from the group. I held my breath, waiting for them to turn on me, but no one noticed me. In my dream world it was as though I was invisible to them. So I moved even closer, unable to take my eyes from Stevie Rae. She looked terriblefranticand she kept moving restlessly, shifting her eyes around her like she was extremely nervous or extremely afraid.