I believe I am, Adam said.
I can talk to him, I said, knowing Bran would hear me.
Adam was putting himself up as a shield between Samuel and his father. If something happened, Bran would hold him responsible.
I love Bran. He, as much as my foster parents, raised me. But Im not blind about it. His first directive is to protect the wolves. If that meant killing his son, he would do itbut he would kill Adam faster.
Adam said, No. My territory, my responsibility.
Fine, said the Marrok. If I or mine can help, you will call me.
Yes, Adam said. Ill call you by the end of the week with the results.
Mercy, Bran said. I hope this is the best path.
For Samuel, I said. For me, for you. I think it is. Maybe not so much for Adam.
Adam has always had . . . heroic tendencies.
I touched Adams arm. Hes my hero.
There was another pause. In person, Bran doesnt think out his comments as much. The phone is difficult because wolves communicate so much with their bodies.
That is the most romantic thing Ive ever heard you say, Bran said. Be careful, Adam, or youll turn her into a real girl.
Adam looked at me. I like her just the way she is, Bran. And he meant it, greasy overalls, broken fingernails, and all.
Bran laughed, then stopped. Take care of my son. And dont wait until it is too late to call me. He hung up.
Thank you, I told Adam.
He put his cell phone away. I didnt do it for you, he said. Wolf in charge or not, Samuel obviously isnt as dangerous as most of us would be. There are some advantages to being very old. But the letter of the law is what Bran has to follow. If he knew exactly what was going on, hed have to carry out the sentence.
You dont?
Adam shrugged. I guess Im not much for following orders as written. I prefer the spirit to the letter of the law.
Id never thought of him that way. I should have remembered . . . the line between black and white is the one he draws.
I looked down. So, I suppose an apology is too little, too late.
What are you planning on apologizing for? Dear Adam, Im so sorry I tried to keep you from knowing that Samuel lost it? Im sorry I used the problems between us to drive you away so I could deal with it? Or, and this one is my favorite, Im sorry I couldnt tell you what was going on, but I couldnt trust you to deal with it the way I wanted it dealt with? Hed started out sounding amused, but by the last one his voice was sharp enough to cut leather.
I kept quiet. I do know how to do that. Sometimes. When Im in the wrong.
He sighed. I dont think an apology will do, Mercy. Because an apology implies that you wouldnt do it again. And, under the circumstances, you wouldnt do anything differently, would you?
No.
And you shouldnt have to apologize for being right, he said, with a sigh. Much as Id like to tell you differently.
I jerked my head up and saw that he was perfectly serious.
If you had called me to tell me that Samuel had lost it, Id have come over and killed him. Put him down with a bullet because I dont know that I could take him in a fight. Ive seen wolves whove lost it before, and so have you.
I swallowed. Nodded.
What I know, that you do not, is how the wolf longs to hunt, to feel blood in his teeth. The kill . . . He glanced away and back. On his own, my wolf would never have let that bounty hunter leave here alive after he held a gun on me. I doubt that hed have put up with having babies crawl all over him. Sorrow passed over his face. Even with Jesse, my own daughter . . . I would not trust him. But Samuels wolf managed to deal. So well give him a chance. A week. And after that week, well let you go talk to the Marrok and tell him how his son has kept his cool for a solid week. And maybe you can buy more time for him.
I am sorry, I said in a low voice. I played on your guilt to keep you away.
He leaned against the counter and folded his arms. You didnt lie, though, did you, Mercy? The pack bothers you, and so do I.
I just need time to get used to it.
He looked at meand I squirmed just as Id seen his daughter do under that look.
Dont lie to me, Mercy. Not to me. No lies between us.
I rubbed my eyesI was not in tears. I wasnt. It was just the adrenaline letdown after taking on a gunman with a rogue werewolf at my back.
Adam turned his back to me. I thought it was so I wouldnt see the look on his face. Until he grabbed the counter and broke it in halfsending my cash register and a pile of receipts and book-keeping stuff boiling to the floor.
Oddly, my first reaction to the violence was the dismayed recognition that without Gabriel, it would be my job to figure out how all those papers needed to be reorganized to keep the IRS off my back.
Then Adam howled. An unearthly sound to come out of a mans throatId only heard it once before out of a wolfs. My foster father, Bryan, when he held his wife, his mates body, in his hands.
I took a step toward himand Sam was standing between us, his head lowered in readiness.
The door between my office and the garage is steel set in steel. After Sams entrance, it was also bent and broken, dangling from one hinge. I hadnt heard it go; Id only been able to hear Adam.
Who had made no sound, I realized. His cry had hit me from a different place altogether, where our bond tied me to him and him to me.
Adam didnt turn around. Dont be afraid of me, he whispered. Dont leave me.
No lies between us.
I blew out a breath, took a couple steps back, and flopped in one of the battered chairs that lined the wall, trying, with my casual pose, to defuse the situation. Adam, I dont have the sense to be afraid of Sam in the state hes in now. I dont know why you think Id be smart enough to be afraid of you. It would be smarter to be more afraid of a werewolf so upset that he took out a counter Zee had built than of a little paperwork and the IRS.
Ask Samuel to leave us.
Sam? I asked. Hed heard Adam.
He growled, and Adam returned the favor. With interest.
Sam, I said, exasperated. Hes my mate. Hes not going to hurt me. Go away.
Sam looked at me, then returned his attention to Adams back. I could see that back tighten up as if Adam could feel Sams gaze. Maybe he could.
Why dont you go see what Zee is up to? I asked. Youre not helping here.
Sam whined. Took a half step toward Adam.
Sam, please. I couldnt stand it if they ended up fighting. Someone would die.
The big white werewolf turned reluctantly and walked stiffly, with frequent pauses to see if Adam had moved at all. Finally, he hopped over the wreckage of the door and was gone.
Adam? I asked.
But he didnt answer. If hed been human, Id have bugged himjust to get it over with. Id hurt him, and I waited to take my punishment. Id been taught you make your choices and live with the consequences long before Id first read Immanuel Kant in college.
But he wasnt human. And just then, if I was any judge, he was fighting his wolf. Being Alpha, being dominant, didnt make that fight any easier, maybe the opposite. Being stubborn helpedand Adam was well qualified on that front.
Getting Sam to leave helped more. The only other thing I could do to help was to sit quietly and wait while Adam stared at the wreckage hed made of my office.
For Adam, screwed-up bonding thing or not, Id wait forever.
Really? he asked in a tone Id never heard from him before. Softer. Vulnerable. Adam didnt do vulnerable.
Really what? I asked.
Despite the way our bond scares you, despite the way someone in the pack played you, youd still have me?
Hed been listening to my thoughts. This time it didnt bother me.
Adam, I told him, Id walk barefoot over hot coals for you.
You didnt take advantage of this thing with Samuel as a way of putting distance between us, he said.
I sucked in a breath. I could see how he might have interpreted it that way. You know that section of the Bible, where Jesus tells Peter hell deny him three times before morning? Peter says, Heck no. But sure enough when hes asked by some people if hes one of Jesus followers, he says hes not. And after the third time, he hears the cock crow and realizes what hes done. I feel like Peter right now.
Adam started laughing. He turned around, and I saw bright gold eyes looking through me the way wolves eyes always seem to do. More than that, hed actually begun to change a littlehis jaw was longer, the angle of his cheekbones slightly different. Youre comparing me to Jesus? Like this? He used his fingers to motion toward his face. Dont you think youre being a little sacrilegious?
His voice was bitter.
No more than Im Saint Peter, I told him. But I had Peters what have I done momentonly his was instantaneous, and mine took a lot longer. It started when I heard Maia scream while I was working in the garage and continued pretty much up until you talked to Bran and bought Samuel a little more time. Funny how making decisions that seem right at the time . . .
I shook my head. Peter probably thought that telling the guy he wasnt one of Jesus followers was the smartest thing to do. Kept him alive, for one. I thought keeping Samuel aliveas he wasnt raving or killing anyone . . . yetwas a good idea. I thought that telling you I needed a little space was good. Give me some time to wrap my head around having other people rattling around in my mind without hurting you because it scared me silly.
What? asked Adam incredulously.
I bowed my head, and said, Because it scared mescares mesilly.
He shook his head. Not that partthe keeping it from hurting me part.
You dont like being a werewolf, I told him. Oh, you deal with itbut you hate it. You think that it makes you a freak. I didnt want you to know I had problems with some of the werewolf stuff, too. I swallowed. Okay, more problems than just that whole I must control your life because you belong to me that most of the werewolves I know have.
He stared at me with his yellow eyes and elongated face. His mouth was open slightly because his upper and lower jaw no longer quite matched up. I could see the edges of teeth that were sharper and more uneven than they usually were.
I am a freak, Mercy, he said, and I snorted.
Yeah, such a freak, I agreed. Thats why Ive been drooling over you for years even though Id sworn off werewolves for life after Samuel. I knew that if I told you being a member of the pack and the bonds and all that were bothering meit would hurt you. And you are already putting up with . . . I couldnt wrap my mouth around the ugly word rape, so I softened it as I often did. With the aftermath of Tim. I thought if I gave myself a little time, figured out how to keep the pack from turning me into your ex-wife, and bought Samuel a little extra time as well . . .
Adam leaned against the wall just inside the doorthe wall my counter used to blockand folded his arms across his chest.
What Im trying to say, I told him, is that Im sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And, no, I did not engineer this to put some distance between us.
You were trying to keep me from being hurt, he said, still in that odd voice.
Yes.
He shook his head slowlyand I noticed that sometime while wed been talking, hed lost the wolfish aspect, and his face had returned to normal. Warm brown eyes caught the light from the windows as one side of his mouth quirked up.
Do you have any idea how much I love you? he asked.
Enough to accept my apologies? I suggested in a small voice.
Heck no, he said, and pushed off from the wall, stalking forward.
When he reached me, he put his hands up and touched the sides of my neck with the tips of his fingersas if I were something fragile.
No apologies from you, he told me, his voice soft enough to melt my knees and most of my other parts. First of all, as I already pointed outyou would make the same choices again, right? So an apology doesnt work. Secondly, you, being who you are, could have made no other choice. Since I love you, as you are, where you areit hardly makes sense for me to kick about it when you act like yourself. Right?
People dont always see it that way, I said, stepping into him until our hip bones bumped.
He laughed, a quiet sound that made me happy down to my toes. Yeah, well, I dont promise Ill always be logical about it. He gave a rueful glance to my broken counter and the cash register on its side. Especially at first. His smile dropped away. I thought you were trying to leave me.
I might be dumb, I told him, putting my nose against his silk tie, but Im not that dumb. Ive gotcha now, and you arent getting away.
His arms tightened almost painfully around me.
So why didnt you tell Bran about Samuel? I asked him. I was sure youd have to tell him. Arent you bound by blood-sworn oaths?
If youd called me last night and told me what was going on, Id have called Branand shot Samuel myself. But . . . based on what happened this morning, he seems to be holding it together okay. He deserves some time. His arms, which had loosened a little, pulled me against him even harder. If something like that happens to meyou call Bran and you stay as far from me as you can get. My wolf is not like Samuels. He gave the counter another look. If I lose it . . . you just stay away until Im dead.
Chapter 6
ONCE MOST EVERYONE ELSE WAS GONE, ADAM TOSSED the faes rifle into the backseat of his truck.
Ill see if I cant find out something from the serial numbers, he said. The way she just left it probably means that she doesnt think we can trace it to her anyway, but it would be stupid not to check.
You will be careful, I told him.
Sweethearthe bent down and kissed meI am always careful.
Whatll you give me if I watch out for him? It wasnt what Ben said; it was the way hed said it. I have no idea how he made those words sound suggestive, but he managed it.
Adam shot him a look. Ben grinned unrepentantly and ducked around the side of the truck and hopped in.