Ooh! The Shadowlandsounds scary! Roman laughs and shakes his head. Dont tell me youre still meditating, mate? Still trekking the Himalayas searching for meaning?
I swallow hard and look away, ignoring them both. Mind crowded with arguments, both for and against, as Ava adds, Ever. Damens right.
I glare at her, the woman who betrayed me in the very worst way. Leaving Damen vulnerable and exposed after promising to look after him, a willing partner in Romans game.
I know you dont trust me, but its not what you think. Listen, Ever, please, I dont have time to explain, but if you wont listen to me, then listen to Damen, he knows what he says, you cant save your friend, you have to let her go
Spoken like a true rogue, I hiss, remembering how she took off with the elixir, which Ive no doubt she drank.
Its not what you think, she says, its nothing like that.
But Im no longer listening, my attention returning to Roman, now by my side, jiggling the goblet of elixir, the liquid flashing, sparking, as he swirls it around and around, warning me the time has come, its time for me to choose.
Haven wanted her fortune told, and who better to tell it than you, Avalon? Too bad Judes not here, or we could really have ourselves a partyor wakedepending on how things work out. What happened, Ever, you two looked pretty tight last time I checked.
I swallow hard, my friend now hanging by a string. A string I can either cutor
Hate to rush you, but its the moment of truth. Please dont disappoint Haven, she was so looking forward to her reading. So whats it going to be? What do the cards say? Does she liveor does she die? The future is yours to decide.
Ever, Damen says, hand on my arm, veil of energy hovering insistently between us, one more reminder of my mounting mistakes. You cant do it, please. You know its not right. As hard as this is, youve no choice but to say good-bye.
Oh, theres a choice. Roman jiggles the bottle again. Just how far are you willing to go to maintain your ideals and get the one thing you most want in the world?
Ever, please. Ava leans toward me. This is all wrong, its against the law of nature. You have to let her go.
I close my eyes. Unable to actunable to moveI cant do thisI cant make this choicehe cant make me do this
Romans voice hovering over me when he says, So I guess thats it then. He sighs and moves away. Good for you, Ever, you proved your point. Youre nothing like me. Nothing at all. Youre a true elitist, a person of lofty ideals, higher mind, and now you get to sleep with your boyfriend too! Well done! And to think all it cost is the life of your friend. Your poor, sad, lost friend, who only wanted what everyone else wantswhat you already have and are in the perfect position to share. Congratulationsshould I say?
He heads for the hall as I kneel before Haven, face streaming with tears as I gaze at my friend. My sad, lost, confused friend who didnt deserve any of this, whos always paying the price for befriending me. Damens and Avas murmuring voices beside me, a lullaby of promises, promising me Ill get through it, that I did the right thing, that itll all be okay.
And then I see it, the silver cord that attaches the body to the soul. Having heard about it but never actually seeing it until now. Watching as it stretches so thin its ready to snapsend my friend far from here and straight into Summerland
I spring to my feet, ripping the bottle from Romans grasp, and forcing Haven to drink.
Immune to the cries all around me, Avas piercing gasp, Damen begging me to stop, and Romans one-man applause accompanied by his loud vulgar laugh.
But I dont care about that.
I only care about her.
Haven.
I cant let her go.
Cant let her die.
Cant say good-bye.
Cradling her head in my arms and making her drinkthe color instantly returning to her cheeks as she opens her eyes and gazes at me.
What the? She struggles to sit, and looks all around. Squinting when she glances between me, Ava, Damen, and Roman, and says, Where am I?
I stare at her, mouth open, but with no idea what to say. Knowing that this is how Damen mustve felt with me, only this is much worse.
He didnt know about the death of the soul.
I did.
Damen and Ever decided to join us, luv, and guess what? The futures looking brighter than ever! Roman swoops in beside me and helps her to her feet, winking at me when he adds, You werent feeling so well, so Ever gave you some juice, thinking a little sugar might perk you right upand damn if it didnt work. And now, Ava, be a luv, and go fetch us some tea, would ya? Theres a new pot on the stove.
Ava gets to her feet, willing me to meet her gaze as she heads for the hall. But I wont. Cant. Cant look at anyone. Not after what Ive just done.
Glad to know youre on board, Ever. Roman pauses just shy of the door. Its like I saidyou and Iwere the same. Bound to each other for all of eternity. And not because of the spell, darlinbut because its our fateour destiny. Think of me as yet another soul mate. He laughs, voice a whisper when he adds, There, there, luv, dont look so shocked. I, for one, am not the least bit surprised. Youve never once strayed from the script. At least not so far.
CHAPTER 49
Damen leans toward me, his gaze like a hand on my arm, warm, inviting, luring me in. Ever, please, look at me, he says.
But I just continue to stare at the ocean, the water so black I cant even see it.
Black ocean, dark moon, and a friend whos headed for the Shadowland, thanks to me.
I climb out of his car and head for the edge, staring down the steep cliff at the darkness below. Drawn to the pull of his energy as he comes up behind me, hand on my shoulder, pulling me close to his chest as he says, Well get through thisyoull see.
I turn, needing to see him, wondering how he can say such a thing. How? I start, voice so frail its as though it belongs to somebody else. How will we do that? You gonna make her an amulet and insist she wear it every day?
He shakes his head, eyes boring into mine when he says, How can I make Haven wear hers when I cant even convince you to wear yours? His fingers drift to my neck, my chest, tracing the space where the crystals should be. What happened?
I turn, unwilling to look even worse in his eyes by explaining how I removed it, so overconfident in my misguided spell-casting attempt I set it aside.
What am I supposed to tell her? I whisper. How can I possibly explain what Ive done? How do you tell someone that youve given them eternal life, but if by chance they die, then their soul will be lost?
Damens lips looming close, warming my ear when he says, Well find a waywell
I shake my head and move away, staring into the black, avoiding his gaze. How can you say that? How can you
He comes up beside me, his mere presence heating my skin as he says, How can I what?
I swallow hard, unable to say it, to put into words all that Ive done. Allowing myself to be pulled into his arms, held tightly to his chest, wishing I could crawl right inside him, curl up next to his heart and stay there foreverthe safest shelter I could ever know.
How can I forgive a girl who loves her friend so much she cant bear to let her go? He tucks my hair behind my ear and lifts my chin, making me face him. How can I forgive a girl who sacrificed the one thing shes wanted all this time, all these years? Forfeiting the immediate hope of us being together so her friend could live? How can I forgive her, you ask? He looks at me, eyes searching mine. Its easy. Did I not make a similar choice when I first made you drink? And yet, what you did was so much bigger, motivated only by love, while my own actions werent quite so pure. I was far more interested in alleviating my suffering. He shakes his head. Convincing myself I did it for you, when the truth is, I was selfish and greedy, always interfering, never allowing you to choose for yourself. I brought you back for meits clear to me now.
I swallow hard, wishing I could believe himthat my decision was noble. But this is different. What I did was entirely different. I knew about the Shadowland, he didnt.
Looking at him as I say, And thats all fine until shes in trouble again, then the death of her soul is on me.
He gazes past me, out to an invisible ocean sending a continuous crash of waves to the shore. Both of us knowing theres nothing more to say. No words that can remedy this.
It wasnt I pause, feeling stupid for bringing it up now, in light of everything else, but still wanting him to know. It wasnt what you thinkabout me and Judethat day on the beach I shake my head. It wasnt what it seemed. His jaw tightens, his grip loosens, but I bring him back to me, having much more to say. I think hes an immortal. A rogue, like Roman. Damen stares at me, eyes narrowed when I add, I saw his tattoo, right on the small of his back Then realizing how that sounds, that I was actually in a position to get a close-up look at his bare lower back, I add, He was in his trunks and we were in the spa I shake my head, this isnt helping. It was a whole thing for Miless going-away partyandanyway, when Ava called, he turned and reached for the phone and I saw it. The snake eating its own tail. The Ouroboros. Just like Drina had, like the one Roman wears on his neck. Same thing.
Is it just like Romans?
I squint, unsure what he means.
Did it flash? Move? Fade in and out of view?
I swallow hard, and shake my head, wondering what difference it could make. I mean, sure I only saw it for a few seconds, no more than a glimpse, but still
He sighs and moves away, sitting on the hood of his car when he says, Ever, the Ouroboros itself isnt evil. Far from it. Roman and his tribe have distorted the meaning. Its actually an ancient alchemical symbol, signifying creation out of destruction, eternal lifethat sort of thing. Plenty of people have em, and the only thing it proves is that Jude has a thing for body art. Body art, and you.
I move toward him, wanting him to know that its not at all reciprocated. How could it be with Damen in the picture?
Realizing he heard my thoughts when he pulls me close and presses his lips to my ear. You sure? Its not the flashy car and magick tricks that won you over?
I shake my head and nuzzle closer, aware of the veil that hovers between us, thrilled our telepathy is working again. Fearing Id somehow broken it when we were back in that room.
Of course its working again, he thinks. Fear separatesmakes us feel alonedisconnectedwhile lovelove does just the oppositeit unites.
Its always been you, I say, needing to say the words out loud where we can both hear them. Just you. No one but you. I gaze into his eyes, hoping the wait is over, that we can forgo our three-month deal.
He cradles my face in his hands and presses his lips against mine. His warm loving presence the only answer I need. The only answer I want.
Knowing theres so much more to discussRoman, Haven, the twins, Jude, the Book, Avas returnbut knowing it can wait. For now I just want to revel in being with him.
Sliding my arms around his neck as he pulls me onto his lap, the two of us gazing out at something so dark, so vast, so infinite, so eternal, we both know its thereand yet we cant even see it.