I cant believe you kept him a secret! Miles says, the second Judes gone. Thats the worst kind of selfish! Especially when you already have a hottie of your own!
I cant believe you kept this a secret, Haven says, still gripping the flyer. Youre lucky hes letting me in!
Im lucky? I shake my head. The last thing I need is Haven developing any hidden psychic abilities when she intuits too much alreadyor at least where Damen and I are concerned. Besides, class already started, which is why he said hed try to fit you in. Knowing Ill do whatever it takes to turn that try into a cant. And what about work? Wont it interfere?
She shakes her head, eyes narrowed, my opposition making her more determined than ever. Nah, theyre good with my schedulewont be a problem.
They? I glance at her briefly, before reaching for the appointment book, thumbing through it in an attempt to appear blasé, uncommitted, when the truth is, Ive gone high alert.
The powers that be. She laughs, looking at me. My bosses, whatever.
Is Roman one of your bosses? I glance at her briefly before turning the page.
Um, hello? Hes in high school, remember? She shakes her head and glances at Miles, the two of them exchanging a look I prefer not to read.
I stopped by yesterday. I study her closely, peering at her aura, her energy, stopping just shy of peeking into her head. Roman said you werent there.
I know, he told me. Guess we just missed each other. She shrugs. But even though you think weve changed the subject, we havent. So tell me, whats up with you and this class? She stabs the flyer with her purple-painted nail, gaze narrowed on mine. Why dont you want me to take it? Is it because you like Jude?
No! I glance between them, knowing it was too quick, too forceful, and only raised their suspicions. Im still with Damen, I add, even though its not really true. But how can I admit it to them when I cant even admit it to myself? Just because hes never at school doesnt mean I stop and shake my head, knowing its better to end it right here. But just so you know, Honors enrolled, and I pretty much figured you wouldnt want to be in the same class as her. My gaze fixes on hers, hoping thatll stick.
Seriously? She and Miles both gape, four brown eyes taking me in.
What about Stacia? And Craig? Haven asks, ready to forget all about it if the entire Mean Team is in.
And even though Im tempted to lie, I shake my head and say, No, just her. Weird, huh?
Havens aura flickers and flares, weighing the pros and cons of developing her psychic skills alongside a bully like Honor. Looking around the store as she says, So what exactly do you do here? Do you give readings and stuff?
Me? No! I press my lips together and reach for the box of receipts, flipping through them for no other reason than to avoid her piercing gaze.
So whos this Avalon chick? She any good?
I freeze, eyes darting between them, unable to speak.
Um, hello? Earth to Ever! The sign, right behind you, the one that says: BOOK YOUR READING WITH AVALON TODAY! She shakes her head. Only half joking when she says, Jeez, you really do just slide by on your good looks, dont you?
Sign me up! Miles says. Id love a reading with Avalon. Maybe she can tell me where all the hotties hang out in Florence. He laughs.
Sign me up too. Haven nods. Ive always wanted a reading, and I could really use one about now. Is she here? She glances around.
I swallow hard. I shouldve known it would come to this. Damen warned me of this very thing.
Um, hello? Haven waves, exchanging a look with Miles. Wed like to book a reading, please. I mean, you do work here, right?
I reach under the counter, grasping the book, flipping through it so quickly the dates and names are a blur of black letters on white. Slamming it shut and stashing it away again when I say, Shes booked.
Okay. Haven narrows her gaze, totally onto me now. Then how about tomorrow?
I shake my head.
The next day.
Still booked.
Next week.
Sorry.
Next year.
I shrug.
Whats your deal? She squints.
I pause, seeing how theyre both staring at me, convinced Im either holding something back, have completely lost it, or both. Knowing I need to do what I can to dispel that when I say, I just dont think you should waste your money. Shes not all that great. Weve had some complaints.
Miles shakes his head, looking at me when he says, Way to close a deal, Ever.
But Havens unmoved, gaze fixed on mine, head nodding slowly as she adds, Well, Im sure this isnt the only place where I can get a reading. And for some reason, for some strange, unknown reason, now Im more determined than ever. Slinging her bag over her shoulder and grabbing Miless hand, pulling him alongside her as she heads for the door and says, I dont know whats going on with you, but youve been acting really strange. Stranger than usual. Glancing over her shoulder and shooting me a loaded look I prefer not to interpret. Seriously, Ever, if youre into Jude, then just say so. Though you might want to tell Damen firsthe deserves the courtesy, dont you think?
Im not into Jude. I shrug, trying to appear calm, even, but failing miserably. Besides its not like it matters, theyre already convinced. Everyones convinced. Everyone but me. And trust me, theres nothing going on except finals, planning for Miless party, and allthe usualstuff My voice trailing off, knowing not one of us is buying it.
Then wheres Damen? How come he never comes around anymore? Haven asks, as Miles stands beside her and nods. Allowing me a few seconds to answer before adding, You know, friendships are supposed to work both ways. Give and take. Based on trust. But for whatever reason, you think you need to act perfect all the time. Like nothing ever goes wrong in your perfect, pretty life. Like nothing ever bothers you or drags you down. And Im here to tell you that believe it or not, Miles and I will still love you even if you have an imperfect moment. Heck, even if you have an imperfect day, well still sit with you at lunch and text you in class. Because, trust us, Ever, its not like were buying your perfect act anyway.
I take a deep breath and nod. Its all I can do. My throat is so hot and tight theres no way I can speak.
Knowing theyre waiting, both of them, standing by the door, willing to stay if Ill just say the word, find the courage to open up and trust them enough to unburden myself for a change.
But I cant. Who knows how theyd react, and I have enough to deal with already.
So I just smile and wave and promise to catch up with them later. Trying not to wince as they roll their eyes and leave.
CHAPTER 40
Im in the back room, hunched over the book when Jude comes in, surprised to find Im still here.
I saw your car parked out back and wanted to make sure youre okay. He pauses in the doorway, eyes narrowed, taking me in, before dropping onto the chair just opposite the desk where he studies me some more.
I gaze up from the book, eyes bleary as I glance at the clock, surprised to see how late its gotten, surprised to see Ive been here so long.
I guess I got a little caught up. I shrug. Its a lot to slog through. Closing the cover and pushing it aside as I add, And most of it useless.
You dont have to pull an all-nighter, you know. You can take it home if you want.
I think about home, and the message Sabine left for me earlier, informing me of her plans to cook dinner for Munoz, making home pretty much the last place I want to be at this point.
No thanks. I shake my head. Im done. Realizing I mean it in every possible way.
For a book that once held such promise, all Ive read so far are location spells, love spells, and a dubious cure for warts with inconclusive resultsnothing about reversing the effects of a tainted elixiror how to get a certain someone to divulge the only thing I really need to know.
Nothing that holds the slightest bit of promise for me.
Can I help? he asks, reading the defeat in my gaze.
I start to shake my head, knowing he cant. But then I think better. Maybe he can?
Is she here? I stare at him, holding my breath. Rileyis she around?
He looks to my right, then shakes his head. Sorry. He shrugs. Havent seen her since
But even though his voice fades, we both know how it ends. He hasnt seen her since yesterday, just before Damen caught us embracing on the beacha moment I prefer to forget.
So how exactly do you teach someone toyou knowsee spirits?
He looks at me for a moment, rubbing his chin as his eyes study mine. I cant necessarily teach someone to see them. He leans back in his seat, propping his bare foot on his knee. Everybodys differentwith different gifts and abilities. Some are naturally clairvoyantable to see, or clairaudientable to hear, or clairsentient
Able to sense. I nod, already knowing where this is going and eager to get to the good stuffthe juicethe part that helps me. So what are you then?
All three. Oh, and clairscent too. He smiles, a quick easy grin that practically lights up the room and makes my stomach go all weird again. You probably are too. All of those I mean. The trick is to get your vibration raised high enough, then Im sure He looks at me, knowing he lost me at vibration and adding, Everything is energy, you know that, right?
The words bringing me back to that night on the beach just a few weeks before, when Damen said the very same thing, about energy, vibrations, all of it. Remembering how I felt then, so afraid of confiding what Id done. Naïve enough to think that was the worst of my problems, that it couldnt get any worse.
I gaze at Jude, his mouth still moving as he goes on and on, explaining energy, vibration, and the ability of the soul to live on. But all I can think about is the three of us, Damen, me, and himwondering how we truly do fit.
What do you think of past lives? I ask, cutting him off. You know, reincarnation. Do you believe in that stuff? Do you think people really have leftover karma they need to work out, again and again until they get it just right? Holding my breath, wondering how hell respond, if he has any recollection of us, who we once were.
Why not? He shrugs. Karmas pretty much king. Besides, wasnt it Eleanor Roosevelt who said she didnt think it would be any more unusual for her to show up in another life, than the one she was in now? You think Im gonna quash old Eleanor? He laughs.
I sit back, studying him, wishing he knew about our tangled past. If for no other reason than to get it all out in the open, put it right there on the table, so I could report back to Damen and prove that its over. And figuring maybe its my job to get the ball rolling, I take a deep breath and say, Have you ever heard of someone named Bastiaan de Kool?
He looks at me, squinting.
He wasDutchan artisthe paintedandstuff I shake my head and look away, feeling foolish for bringing it up. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to follow that with? Well, just so you know, Bastiaan was you, several hundred years agoand the person you painted was me!
Seeing him sit there before me, lips quirked, shoulders lifted, clearly unaware of what Im getting at. And short of escorting him to Summerland and re-creating the gallery, neither of which Im going to do, theres no way to continue. Ill just have to sit this one out. Wait until my three lonely months are up.
I shake my head, determined to put it behind me and get down to the business at hand. Looking at him and clearing my throat when I say, So, how exactly does one raise their vibration?
By the time were done, Im no closer to talking to dead people than I was before I started. At least not the dead person Im actually interested in. Though plenty of other disincarnates made themselves known, but I pretty much blocked them all out.
It takes practice. He locks the front door and leads me to my car. I sat in a weekly spirit circle for years before my powers fully returned.
I thought you were born with it? I squint.
I was. He nods. But after blocking it out for so long, I had to really work to develop it again.
I sigh, unable to see myself joining a séance group and wishing there was an easier way.
She visits you in your dreams, you know.
I roll my eyes, remembering that one crazy dream, and knowing no way was that her.
But he just looks at me, nodding when he says. Of course she does. They always do. Its the easiest way to get through.
I look at him, leaning against my car door, key in hand as my eyes travel his face. Knowing I should go, say good night and be on my way, but for some reason Im unable to move.
The subconscious mind takes over at night, freeing us of all the usual restrictions we put on ourselves, all the things we block out, telling ourselves it cant happen, that mystical things arent really possible, when the truth is, the universe is magical, and mysterious, and much grander than it seems, with only the thinnest veil of energy separating us from them. I know its confusing with the way they communicate in symbolsand to be honest, Im not sure how much of that is usthe way we arrange informationor them, and the restrictions on just how much theyre allowed to share.
I take a deep breath, my whole body shivering though Im not really cold. Spooked is more like it. Spooked by his words, his presence, the way hes making me feel. But not cold. In fact, not at all.
Wondering what Riley couldve meant with the glass prison, the way I could see Damen, but he couldnt see me. Trying to view it as though its an assignment for English, like symbolism in a book. Wondering if it means that Damens misguided, cant see whats in front of him? And if so, what does that mean?
Just because you cant see something doesnt mean it doesnt exist, he says, his voice the only sound in this still and quiet night.
I nod, feeling like I should know that better than anyone as Jude stands before me, going on and on about dimensions, the afterlife, and how times just a made-up concept that doesnt really exist, and I cant help but wonder what hed do if I gave him a treat. Just grabbed his hand, closed my eyes, and took him to Summerland to show him just how deep it really goes