I glance between her and Charm, nodding as though Im right there. Like Im just like everyone else. Waiting my turn in a long morbid line.
I mean death in a more metaphorical way. In a nothing lasts forever way, you know? Because its true, nothings built to last. Nothing. No. Thing.
But Haven I start, stopping the second she shoots me a look meant to silence.
Listen, before you try to sell me all that bright side nonsense youre just dying to spout, name one thing that doesnt end. She narrows her gaze in a way that sets me on edge, making me wonder if she knows about me, if shes trying to bait me somehow. But when I take a deep breath and look at her again, its clear shes battling her own set of demons, not me.
Cant do it, right? She shakes her head. Unless you were going to say God, or universal love, or whatever, but thats not what Im talking about, anyway. I mean, Charm is dying, my parents are on the verge of divorcing, and, lets face it, Josh and I are going to end eventually too. And if its purely an inevitable fact, then She shakes her head and wipes her nose. WellI may as well take control of the situation and be the one who decides when. Hurt him, before he can hurt me. Because two things are for sure, A: Its going to end, and B: Someones bound to get hurt. And why should that someone be me? She looks away, nose runny, lips twisted. Mark my words, from this point on, Im Teflon Girl. Everything runs right off me, nothing can stick.
I look at her, sensing this isnt quite the whole story, but willing to take her at her word. You know what? Youre right. Youre absolutely right, I say, seeing her look up in surprise. Everything is finite. Everything but Roman, Damen, and me! And youre also right that you and Josh will probably end at some point, and not just because everything ends like you said, but because thats just the way it goes. Most high school relationships dont make it past graduation.
Is that how you see you and Damen? She picks at Charms blanket while looking at me. That you guys wont make it past grad night?
I press my lips together and avert my gaze, knowing Im pretty much the worlds worst liar when I say, II try not to think about it too much. But what I meant was, just because something ends doesnt mean its a bad thing or that someones bound to get hurt, or that it shouldve never happened in the first place, or whatever. Because if each step brings us to the next, then how will we ever get anywhere, how can we ever grow if we avoid everything that might hurt us?
She looks at me, nodding only slightly, as though she sees my point but wont fully concede.
So we pretty much have no choice but to continue, to just get out there and hope for the best. And who knows, we might even learn a thing or two along the way. I look at her, knowing I havent completely sold it, so I add, I guess what Im trying to say is, you cant run away just because something wont last. You have to hang in there, let it play out. Its the only way youll ever advance. I shrug, wishing I could be a little more eloquent, but there it is. Think about it, if you didnt rescue your cat, if you didnt say yes when Josh asked you outwell, theres a lot of wonderful moments you wouldve missed.
She looks at me, still wanting to argue, but not saying a word.
Josh is a really sweet guy, and hes crazy about you. I dont think you should throw him overboard so soon. Besides, I say, knowing she hears me but is not truly listening, you shouldnt make those kinds of decisions when youre feeling so stressed.
How about moving, then? Is that a good enough reason?
Josh is moving? I squint. I hadnt seen that coming.
She shakes her head, scratching Charm on the spot between her ears when she says, Not Josh. Me. My dad keeps talking about selling the house, but damn if hell discuss it with Austin or me.
I look at her, tempted to peer inside her head and see for myself, but sticking to my earlier vow to allow my friends their privacy.
All I know for sure is that the phrase resale value comes up all the time. She shakes her head, looking at me when she says, But you know what this really means, if any of this is actually true? It means I wont be going to Bay View next year. I wont get to graduate with my class. I wont be going to any Orange County high school for that matter.
I wont let this happen, I say, gaze locked on hers. Theres no way youre leaving. You have to graduate with us
Well, thats very nice and all. She shrugs. But Im not sure you can stop it. Its a little out of your league, dont you think?
I glance between her and her cat, knowing its not at all out of my league. Finding an antidote for Damen? Maybe. Helping my best friend stay in her zip code and save her cat? Not so much. Theres plenty I can do. Plenty. But still I just look at her and say, Well work something out. Just trust me, okay? Maybe you can move in here with me and Sabine? Nodding as though I mean it, even though Sabine would never have it. But still needing to put something out there, provide some kind of comfort since its not like I can voice what Im hoping to do.
Youd do that? she squints. Really?
Of course. I shrug. Whatever it takes.
She swallows hard and gazes around, shaking her head when she says, You know Id never take you up on it, but still, its nice to know that even with all our rough spots youre still my best friend.
I squint, having always assumed it was Miles not me.
Well, you and Miles. She laughs. I mean, I can have two best friendsan heir and a spare, as they say? She wipes her nose again, shaking her head when she adds, I bet I look like crap, right? Go ahead, tell me, I can take it.
You dont look like crap, I say, wondering why shes suddenly focused on her looks. You look sad. Theres a difference. Besides, does it matter?
It does if youre considering whether or not you should hire me. She shrugs. Ive got a job interview, but theres no way I can go looking like this. And its not like I can bring Charm.
I gaze at her cat, watching the life-force energy slowly slipping away, knowing I have to move fast, before its too late. Ill keep her. Its not like Im going anywhere anyway.
She looks at me, wavering on whether or not she should leave her poor dying cat in my care. But I just nod, coming around to her side of the counter and lifting Charm out of her arms as I add, Seriously. Just go do what you need to do, and Ill babysit. I smile, urging her to agree.
She hesitates, glancing between me and Charm, then rummages through her oversized bag for a small, handheld mirror, before wetting her finger and clearing the mascara tracks from her cheeks.
I shouldnt be long. She grabs a black pencil and draws a thick, smudgy line around each eye. Maybe an hour? Two at the most? She looks at me, trading the pencil for blush. All you have to do is hold her and give her some water if she wants. But she probably wont. She doesnt want much of anything now. She coats her lips with a swipe of gloss and rearranges her bangs, before slinging her bag over her shoulder and heading for the door. Climbing into her car as she turns to me and says, Thanks. I need this job more than you think. Need to start saving some money so I can emancipate myself like Damen. Im tired of this crap.
I look at her, unsure what to say. Damens situations unique. Not at all what it seems.
And yeah, I know, I probably wont be able to support myself in quite the same style as Damen, but still, Id rather live in some crappy studio somewhere than be subject to my parents impulsive decisions and whims. Anyway, you sure youre okay with this?
I nod, hugging Charm tighter, mentally urging her to hold on, just a little bit longer, until I can help.
Haven slides her key into the ignition, the engine turning as she says, I promised Roman I wouldnt be late. And if I hurry, I might be on time. Checking her appearance in the rearview mirror as she shifts in reverse.
Roman? I freeze, my expression one of pure panic but unable to change it.
She shrugs, backing out of my drive as she calls, Hes the one who scored me the interview. Waving as she disappears down the street, leaving me with a dying cat in my arms, and no words to warn her.
CHAPTER 18
You cant do it, he says, barely having opened the door before hes already shaking his head.
You dont even know what Im here for. I frown, hugging Charm tightly to my chest, wishing I hadnt come here.
The cat is dying and you want to know if its okay to save it and Im telling you its not. You cant do it. He shrugs, reading the situation more than my mind, which I purposely blocked so he cant view my visit to Roman, which would really set him on edge.
Do you mean cant as in not possible? Like the elixir wont work on a feline? Or cant as in the moral sense, as in dont play God, Ever?
Does it matter? He lifts his brow, stepping to the side and allowing me in.
Of course it matters, I whisper, TV noise drifting down from upstairs, the twins daily dose of reality shows.
He heads into the den, plopping onto the couch and patting the space right beside him. And even though Im annoyed by the way hes acting, not even giving me a chance to explain, I still join him, rearranging the blanket, hoping one look at Charm will convince him.
I just dont think you should jump to conclusions, I say, shifting my body so Im facing him. Its not as simple as you think. Its not black or white, its mostly all gray.
He leans toward me, gaze softening as he moves his thumb back and forth under Charms whiskered chin. Im sorry, Ever. Really. He gazes at me before pulling away. But even if the elixir did workwhich, by the way, Im not sure it would since Ive never tried it on an animal before, but even if it did
Really? I look at him, surprised to hear that. Youve never had a pet you couldnt bear to part with? My eyes graze over him, taking him in.
Not one that I couldnt bear to lose, no. He shakes his head.
I narrow my eyes, not sure how I feel about that.
Ever, back in my day we didnt keep pets in quite the same way. And after I drank the elixir, I wasnt interested in owning anything that might tie me down.
I nod, catching the way he gazes at Charm and hoping theres room to negotiate. Fine. No pets. I get it, I say. But do you get how someone might become so attached to their kitty they cant bear to say good-bye?
Are you asking if I know about attachment? He looks at me, gaze heavy, steady, fixed right on mine. About love, and the unbearable grief that comes when its lost?
I gaze down at my lap, feeling juvenile, foolish. I shouldve seen that coming.
Theres much more at stake than just saving a cat or granting eternal lifeif there even is such a thing in the animal kingdom. The real question is, how will you explain it to Haven? What will you tell her when she returns only to find the dying cat she left in your care is now miraculously curedmaybe even becoming a kitten again, who knows? How will you possibly explain that to her?
I sigh, not having thought about that. Hadnt really considered that if it does work, Charm wont just be healed, but physically transformed.
Its not about it not workingIve no clue about that. And its not about your right to play Godyou and I both know Im the last one who should judge such a thing. Its more about safeguarding our secrets. And while I know you have only the best intentions at heart, in the end, helping your friend will only ignite her suspicion. Raising questions that can never be answered simply or logically without revealing too much. Besides, Havens already onto us, or onto something at least. So now, more than ever, its important for us to lay low.
I press my lips together, swallowing past the lump in my throat, hating that Ive got so many amazing tools at my disposal, all of these magical abilities, but unable to use them, to help those whom I love.
Im sorry, he says, hand hovering over my arm, hesitating to make contact until the veil comes along. But as sad as it seems, it really is just the natural course of events. And believe me, animals accept these things far better than people do.
I lean into his shoulder, into his touch, amazed by his power to comfort me no matter how bad things get. I just feel so bad for herher parents are always fightingshe might have to moveits making her question the point of everything. Kind of like I did when my world fell apart.
Ever he starts, gaze soft, lips looming so close I cant help but press mine against themthe moment cut short when the twins squeal their way down the stairs.
DamenRomy wont let me Rayne stops, standing before us, dark eyes wider than usual when she says, Omigod is that a cat?
I glance at Damen. Since when does Rayne use words like omigod?
But he just shakes his head and laughs. Dont get too close. He glances between them. And keep your voice down. This is a very sick cat. Im afraid she doesnt have very long.
Then why dont you save it? Rayne asks, prompting Romy to nod in agreement, the three of us gazing at Damen, our eyes wide and pleading.
Because we dont do things like that, he says, voice stern and parental. Thats not how its done.
But you saved Ever, and shes not nearly as cute, Rayne says, kneeling before me til her face is level with Charms.
Rayne Damen starts.
But she just laughs, glancing between us when she says, Just joking. You know Im joking, right?
I look at her, knowing shes not, but not willing to press it. Just about to get up, wanting to get Charm back before Haven returns, when Romy kneels down beside me and places her hand on Charms head, closing her eyes as she chants a series of indecipherable words.
No magick, Damen scolds. Not in this case.
But Romy just sighs, and sits back on her heels. Its not like it works anyway, she says, still gazing at Charm. She looks just like Jinx at that age, doesnt she?
Which time? Rayne giggles, nudging her sister as they both start to laugh.
We may have extended her life a few times, Romy says, cheeks pink as she glances between us, prompting me to look at Damen and think: See?