And commitment.
Come back to me, my love, Diarmuid said, pulling me onto my side. Youve wandered so far into the clouds, Id dare not venture to guess your thoughts.
Ah, but Im here, I said, thinking of you.
As Beltane approached and preparations began, it became more and more difficult for Diarmuid and me to steal away for our afternoon meetings. One day he was late, and I worried the time away, despairing that I would not see him at all. I was about to leave when I received a tua labra from Diarmuid, a silent message that only witches can send: Wait for me, my love. I waited, and within moments he was dashing into my arms, apologizing and explaining about the tedious chores his father had given him that day. Another day Ma seemed more suspicious than usual, and I had to concoct a preposterous lie to sneak off to his arms.
The strain of saying good-bye to you each afternoon is wearing on me, I told him as we sat in the moss.
Aye, and each time its without knowing that well both make it back. He sucked in a deep breath. Its getting more and more difficult for us to be together, Rose. Your ma is suspicious, and my da keeps loading me up with work.
I know it, and I thought the Goddess would ease our burdens. He lifted his hand to my cheek, and I pressed against him longingly.
Blast them all, we should tell them! Let them know of our love!
His brash spirit made my heart soar. Would you? I said. And would that be an act of courage or foolishness? For no one is ready to learn of us yet. They would either try to tear us apartor banish us from our clans!
Diarmuids blue eyes clouded with concern. Youre right. And I will protect you, Rose. I wont have you ostracized by Leapvaughns or Wodebaynes or anyone.
We must go forth with caution, I said. I knew the Goddess had deigned that we be together, but how could we begin to clear the way with the rest of the world?
As Diarmuid stroked my hair gently, the answer came upon me.
Make final the bond.
The Goddess wants us to be together, I said. Heart, spirit. and body. Grabbing Diarmuids shirt, I pulled him closer. We must seal our love with a physical union.
His eyes sparkled with wonder.Tis the Goddesss will?
Aye. I nodded, thinking of the upcoming celebration. There would be maypole ribbons fluttering in the breeze, flowers and songs and the scent of burning sage. Each covener would take a ribbon and dance around the maypole, symbolizing the union of man and woman, the joining of all together. And Beltane will be the perfect time.
6. Night Visions
Tiny fingers.
I have short, pudgy fingers, and my da has the hands of a giant. Sometimes he holds me in his palm and lifts me in the air, allowing me to see the world the way birds and flies do. Other times, like now, I ride on his shoulders, laughing because he is reaching up to tickle me behind the knees.
We are at the seashore. The grass is so green here, and from the high cliffs you can see miles and miles of emerald field and roiling teal waters. Da hikes along the cliffside with me upon his shoulders. Occasionally the ocean rises up and smashes against the rocky cliff with a fierce temper, but we laugh at it. My da even dances closer, trying to catch the spray. Tiny droplets of water drench us, but we rejoice.
Da turns so suddenly that I am nearly wrenched out of his arms. I look to see what has alarmed him, and there it is, rising up like a dragon. The ocean is rising, higher and higher in a ferocious wave.
And then, when I look again, my da is not there. Only his laughter remains a hollow, mean sound as the giant wave looms over me. Its monstrous tendrils rise, its power surging overhead.
I am alone on the cliff, a wave curling over me.
I try to run, but my tiny legs are weak, like the twig legs of a marionette. There is really no escape. yet escape is everything.
Somehow I know there is much to be lost if I succumb to the wave. Its not only my life at stake, but also the lives and futures of all my clan, all the Wodebaynes, as well as the Braytindales and Leapvaughns and the witches of all Seven Clans.
So much at stake, but how can I escape?
How to get away from the ominous wave closing over my head?
Rose? Rose! You must awaken.
Gasping for breath, I tried to pull myself from sleep and navigate safely to the sound of my mothers voice.
Rose, child, youve had a night vision.
I felt her hands on my arms, shaking me gently. Opening my eyes, I realized that I was in the cottage, safe and dry. But fear held me in its grip, and I was unable to shake it.
Its all right, child, Ma said. Tell me what you saw.
I squeezed my eyes shut, afraid to talk about it. Afraid to open up to the woman Id lied to so much of late. I had guarded my feelings and fears from Ma. How could I open up to her now?
She rubbed my back gently but firmly, up and down between my shoulders. A soothing warmth went through me, reminding me of all the times Ma had rubbed my back when I was sick or frightened or frustrated at not being able to master something. Whether it was the emotion of the dream or the tenderness of Mas gesture, I wasnt sure. But suddenly I was crying.
I was at the coast with Da, I said, spilling out the details of my dream. I told Ma everything. about my father leaving me and about the giant wave that had been about to slam into me. I dont understand it. Please, Ma, please tell me the truth, I said. Was Da an evil man? Did he ever try to hurt me?
Oh, no, child! Ma insisted. Gowan MacEwan loved you dearly. The man did everything in his power to protect us.
Then why did he leave me behind in the dream, Ma? What does it mean?
My mother pursed her lips thoughtfully. In the dim moonlight seeping in through the window she looked old, with lines creasing the corners of her mouth. Perhaps he left you in the dream because he left you so early in life, she said. Or perhaps the rumors of his death make you suspicious of him.
Did he really die in his sleep, here in the cottage?
Aye. She sighed, and I felt sure she would change the subject as usual.Twas so sudden, his death, she murmured, as if to herself. All the coveners suspected that someone had cast a dark spell upon him. Many said that the threefold law of magick was the reason for his death.
I thought about the threefold lawthat magick returns to the sender magnified three times. In this way dark magick would hurt the sender the most. But that would mean that he was practicing dark magick, that he had fallen away from the ways of the Goddess.
Aye, Ma agreed, staring off into the distance, and Ill never believe that of your father. She stood up from my bedside and beckoned me to follow. Come. Lets cleanse the cottage for sweet dreams.
While Ma lit the candles, I swept the center of the cottage to create a small circle around our table. I was surprised to see that she had taken out our yellow candles, which were usually reserved for special occasions, but she explained that they were to help me gain true vision. Its time you learned to have a second sight, to see past the ordinary and witness the Goddesss will.
I swallowed hard in amazement. How was it that she knew of my own plan? At that moment I wanted to sit down and tell her everything about Diarmuid, but as she started chanting over the candles, something held me back. Standing in the lemon circle of light, I watched as Ma beseeched the Goddess to bring me vision, to show me Her will for me.
Then Ma brought me to the center of the circle, and, standing behind me, she wrapped her arms around me. I felt so loved and protected there in her armslike a child again.
Gracious Goddess, she said, let Your love rain down upon Rose. Show her the path she must pursue to fulfill her destiny. Walk with her through this time of darkness to come again into the light.
So mote it be, I said.
My mothers hands went to my head. She stroked my hair back gently, then clasped her hands around my skull. Rid her mind of frightening night visions. Let her see only Your vision, Goddess. Rid both our minds of dark thoughts. Chase evil from our home.
So mote it be, I repeated as a warm feeling came over me. Leaning back against Ma, I remembered how she had summoned the Goddess to help me when I was littleto cool a feverish head, to guard me against eating a poisonous herb, to give me the wisdom to learn my runes. Ma and I had been at odds so much of late, but I knew that despite all of her disapproval and criticism, she did love me, her only daughter.
And in time, she would come to love Diarmuid as a son.
7. Beltane Rites, the Fifth Day of May
Spring daisies and cornflowers, Kyra said, climbing over some flat rocks to reach another patch of wildflowers. With the early spring weve had this year, twill be one of the most colorful Beltane rites ever.
As was our annual practice, Kyra and I had risen before dawn to creep into the woods on a quest for flowers. We would hang fresh flowers on the doors of our cottages and strew them about the circle in gay decoration for the nights festivities. We would also make a crown of fresh flowers to be worn by the high priestess. Today I would make an extra crownone for myself.
I think Beltane is my favorite celebration of the year, I said. And this year twill be my most memorable. I silently thanked the lilac bush for her offering, then used my bolline to cut off a fat bunch of fragrant flowers.
Because you are in love? Kyra asked.
I pressed the lavender blooms to my cheek. Because I shall become a woman in love, in every rite. When Kyras brows lifted in curiosity, I explained, Diarmuid and I shall have our own maypole celebration tonight. Do you see the ribbons I took from the cottage? I reached into my pocket and pulled out streamers of red and white ribbons.
What? Kyras mouth dropped open.
Aye, red and white ribbons to signify the blood that flows from a woman when her purity is taken. For thats how Diarmuid and I will celebrate Beltane.
This I cannot believe! Kyra screeched. Do you know what youre doing, Rose?
Aye. I twirled around in the field, letting the ribbons stream behind me. I know quite well. I believe the Goddess has called us together for this. And Beltane is a festival of love and union, is it not?
Kyra swallowed hard. I dont know that the Goddess intends us to take every detail so literally.
I danced over to Kyra and tugged on her hand. Dont be an old toad in the mire! Were seventeen years under the Goddesss sky.
Aye, but theres been no handfasting, no joining of the two of you in the circle.
That will come later, I insisted, pulling her into my dance.
She dropped her basket and spun around with me, our eyes meeting in laughter until we grew dizzy and dropped to the grass.
Oh, dear Goddess, now Youve convinced me, Kyra said, staring up into the clear blue sky. Rose has lost her wits.
I have not! I protested. And Ill wager that youll be telling me the same thing soon, about you and Falkner.
I cant imagine it, though I am so in love.
I rolled onto my side and squeezed her arm. You must pretend that Im with you, tonight after the circle.
Oh, Rose, you know I am a terrible teller of tales.
Twill be nothing. The younger coveners always end up celebrating a bit on their own as the others dance by the light of the Beltane fires. Just tell Ma I am with you.
Lying to the high priestess, she said. Goddess, forgive me.
I knew I could rely on you. I stood up and brushed grass from my hair. Wed best go and see to the decorations.
We filled our baskets until they were brimming over with blossoms, then headed back to our cottage. Ma looked on as we made bunches to hang on the doors, leaving aside other flowers to decorate the circle. Then Ma set some sage leaves afire in a clay pot, and we blew off the flames until the burning ashes produced a pungent smoke, which we spread through the cottage.
As we set about our tasks, Kyra spoke of Falkner, how he thought her the best baker in the Highlands, how he had come to visit her just the day before. Ma did not comment until we were finished smoking the house and ready to head over and do the same to Kyras cottage. That was when she brought out the sewing basket along with a few old snatches of cloth.
Hearing you talk of young Falkner, Ive come to think you should put your thoughts into action, Ma told Kyra. If you truly want to bring love into your life, its wrong to trap a particular person, as you did with the charmed moonstone.
Kyra lowered her head. Im sorry, maam. I know.
Trapping a person with a spell is dark magick, Síle said. It has the potential to harm someone by tinkering with their destiny and stripping away their free will. However, Ma went on, the Goddess can help you bring love into your life, as long as youre not targeting a particular person and meddling with their destiny. You can work love magick through poppets. She placed two pieces of cloth together and began to cut. As she trimmed away the cloth, the shape of a gingerbread man began to emerge. You must make two small dollsone to represent you, the other to represent the boy, or man, of your dreams.
I watched carefully as Ma showed us how to make the poppets. She helped Kyra sew brown ribbon on the girl doll to make it resemble herself.
Then Ma handed Kyra the boy doll to decorate. Make him handsome in your eyes, but dont inscribe him with a name or a rune that points to a particular person.
Kyra thanked Ma when we finished, then we raced off to decorate her cottage and our covens meeting place in the woods. It was afternoon when our work was done. Kyra headed home to bake some of the ceremonial cakes with her ma, and I headed off to decorate my own maypole. We were just about to go our separate ways, when a tall chestnut horse came trotting up the road. It was a majestic sight, the rider sitting tall.
Its Falkner, Kyra said, patting down her hair.
Tis not, I muttered, blinking into the sunlight. Kyra was right, though I had not expected this beanpole of a boy to be transformed into a knight.