The creature leaned toward me as the darkness closed in. I didnt know what to do. Blindly I threw out my hands and sent a white ball of energy at the creature. It was fearsome-looking, brilliant and powerful. I had never called up something like that before, and for a moment I felt a surge of hope. But the creature merely made a flicking gesture with its left arm and easily deflected the ball across the room. It slammed against a metal shelving unit with an enormous crash. Back stock of notebooks flew off the top shelf and rained all over the floor. I could hardly see anything through the black vapor. I cowered against the wall behind me and finally sank to the floor.
The creature reached out a claw and grabbed my shoulder. Morgan, said a voice through the darkness. It was a lovely, musical voice, and for a moment I couldnt remember where Id heard it before. Morgan, it repeated, are you all right?
I looked down at the horrifying claw on my shoulder. Slowly it began to shift and change. The thick, muddy gray skin began to lighten, and the cruel claws receded until it was nothing but a small, pale hand almost the size of a childs. I looked up into Erins clear green gaze. Are you all right? she repeated.
The fog around me began to lift, and I sat up. What happened?
Take a deep breath, Erin advised. Now release it. Do it again, she urged. Focus on the breath. Now ground yourself.
Leaning forward, I placed my forehead against the cool tile floor. Slowly my head cleared. You need to learn to control your emotions, Erin said. Pride and fear can cut you off from your power and leave you vulnerable. Im sorry, she added as I sat up. You fooled me with the divagnth. I didnt realize you werent ready for that lesson.
Standing up, Erin reached out her hand and pulled me to my feet. Youre strong, Morgan, she said. Thats your weakness.
I frowned. That doesnt make sense.
You have strong native power, Erin explained. Strong abilities. You just called up white witch fire, no easy task. But you dont have control. She gestured toward the scorched metal shelves and the Books of Shadows that had spilled all over the floor. That makes you dangerous.
But youre here to teach me control, I protested.
Morgan, she said with forced patience, I understand that youve been in a complicated situation. I dont know all the details, but I do know that youve been forced into a situation in which youve had to begin your education in the middle of things, instead of at the proper beginning.
What are you saying? I asked warily.
Im saying that you should back up. Erins voice was brittle. Take a break from magick that is too advanced for you and focus instead on learning your plants and witch history. I know its not what you want to hear, but when youre sailing in the wrong direction, sometimes its faster to go back than it is to keep pushing on until youve gone around the world.
I feel like youre punishing me, I said bitterly.
Its for your own safety. Erins voice was like a door slamming shut, and I knew that there was no use arguing. And its not forever, Morgan, she added. Well begin again tomorrow, at the library. At three-thirty sharp.
The bell over the door jingled againthe customers leavingand Alyce poked her head through the curtain. Is everything okay back here? she asked. Her eyes fell on the ruined mass of notebooks. Oh, my.
We were just about to clean that up, I said quickly. Erin and I walked over to the pile of Books of Shadows and began brushing them off and placing them back on the shelf. Thankfully, most of them were undamaged. Erin told Alyce that she would pay for the ones that were.
Its my fault, Erin told her, digging in her bag. Besides, the cost of a few blank Books of Shadows isnt one-tenth of the value of this book. She jerked her head in the direction of On the Containement of Magick.
I watched Erin hug Alyce as we said good-bye. Erin was stiff, but her affection seemed real as she tucked the silk-wrapped book under her arm. Then again, shed seemed pretty real when shed looked like a hideous monster only half an hour before.
I sensed who was calling a second before the phone rang. Ill get it, I called, starting up from the dining room table, where I was doing my homework. But it was already too late.
Hello? my moms voice said from the kitchen. Dad was working late, so she and I were the only ones home. Wed finished dinner about two hours ago, and Mom had been working on her various documents in the kitchen since then.
Yes, this is she, I heard her say. Oh, hello. Yes. What? Wellno, she didnt. I see. Mmm-hmm. Even through the door, I could hear the edge of anger dawning in my moms voice.
I stared down at the books and notebooks spread out before me and tried to focus on the analysis of vectors I was doing for physics, but it was no use.
Was that out of a hundred points? I heard my mother ask, and I bit my lip.
After a moment I heard Mom hang up, and the door between the dining room and the kitchen swung open. Morgan, we need to talk. Her voice was grim.
My stomach churned. I put down my pencil. Okay.
Sitting down across from me, my mom said, I just got a phone call from your history teacher, Mr. Powell.
I didnt even bother trying to act surprised. I know, I said.
Hes concerned about your grade in his class. So am I.
I know, I said again. Shifting in my seat, I added, Ive already talked to him about doing some extra credit
Holding up her hand traffic-cop style, my mom cut me off. Morgan, Im not happy about the fact that you failed two tests. But Im even more unhappy about the fact that you hid it from Dad and me. When were you going to tell us?
I thought that if I brought my grade up
But what if you didnt? my mom interrupted. Mr. Powell says that these two exams count for fifty percent of your final grade. Were you going to wait until you failed the class to let us know that there was a problem? She ran her fingers through her russet hair in an I-dont-know-what-to-dowith-you gesture.
With extra credit, I could still get a B in the class!
You could still get an F! my mom snapped. Have you even started this extra-credit work?
I dug through my stack of papers and pulled out the notes Id already made for my history paper. I didnt realize until after Id handed them to my mom that I was making a horrible mistake.
This cant be your history paper. Moms voice was tense. What is this?
Were allowed to write on any subject, I explained weakly.
She simply looked at me for a moment, then slapped the notes down on the table in frustration. Why do you have to test us? You know how Dad and I feel about witchcraft nonsense!
The Salem witch trials arent nonsense, I pointed out, my own temper starting to flare. They were an important historical event.
Thats not the point. Morgan, your interest in Wicca has grown to the point where its crowding out almost everything else, my mom said. I dont want you throwing your future away.
Im not! I cried. How can you say that?
Look, my mother went on. I dont want to fight about the witch stuff right now. Your grades have to improve, and I dont see that happening. This is your final warning. If those grades dont improve, Dad and I are going to start talking seriously about changing your environment.
What? This had never come up before. What do you mean?
Saint Annes has a few openings, my mother said. Its a very good school.
My jaw dropped open. Its a Catholic school. My voice was harsh. Youd really send me to a Catholic school?
Why not? The average class size is fourteen students, so they would be able to give you a lot of individual attention. She reached out and touched my hair almost pleadingly. We want to help you, Morgan.
I stared at her. As if yanking me away from all my friends and sticking me into a place where they still believed in corporal punishment would help! The words Im not Catholic sprang to my lips, but I couldnt bring myself to say them. It seemed almost like a declaration of war. It wasnt exactly true, anyway. Catholicism was the religion I was raised with, and I still felt like I was a Catholic in many ways. Please, Mom, I answered instead. Dont do that. IllIll go to the library every day. Ill bring my grades up, I swear.
Well see. My mom pushed my history notes across the table at me and stood up. Family night is tomorrow, she said wearily. At six.
Ill be there. My voice sounded hollow.
She trudged out of the room. I watched her go, then looked down at my books.
I had a lot of work to do.
I just dont think I can study with Erin right now, I said to Hunter. I was using the phone in the kitchen, summarizing the conversation Id had with my mom earlier that evening. My parents and Mary K. had gone to bed, but Ithe night owlwould be up for another few hours. I just cant, cant get sent to Catholic school.
That would be awful, Hunter agreed quietly.
But my grades are really in the gutter.
Hunter sighed. Isnt there any way that you can learn from Erin and still improve your grades? he asked. We can try to make sure you have time to finish your schoolwork, too. Its very important that you study with Erin right now. Especially with all the mysterious things that have been happening.
Pushing aside some of my moms paperwork detritus, I made room for the cup of tea Id just brewed. I took a sip, debating whether or not to tell Hunter what had happened with Erin earlier that day. Actually, Erin doesnt even want to teach me magick, I admitted finally. She just wants me to study witch history and plants.
Those things are important, too, Hunter replied.
I stared at the receiver a minute, unable to believe he was taking her side. How typical. Oh, yeah, theyll come in real handy if Im ever attacked by the dark forces, I said sarcastically.
Im here to protect you in case that happens, Hunter reminded me. And basic knowledge is necessary to learn more advanced magick. Witch history, herbs, runesall of these things are part of the initiation rites. Erin is right to make sure you know them. Once youre a full apprentice, then you can start learning more magick and more spells. You know more than most initiates already.
I sighed. Its just hard to see the value in that. I mean, you know the dangers of the dark forces even better than I do. I need to learn about them.
I know. Hunters voice was gentle. But you have to look at the big picture. The sooner you can be initiated as a blood witch, the better. Once youre in total control of your powers, Morgan, youll be a great asset.
I rolled my eyes. Sometimes Hunter had a real gift for making things sound unromantic. All right, I said. Ill figure out a way to do both. We said our good-byes, and I stood up to place the phone in its cradle. When I turned around, I nearly jumped a foot in the air. God, Mary K., I said, placing my palm on my chest. You scared me.
She stood in the doorway in a white nightgown. Beneath the fluorescent kitchen lights, she looked pale and strange.
Whats wrong? I asked quickly.
Alisa was right, she said in a low voice.
I swallowed hard, mentally running through the conversation Id just had with Hunter. How much of it had she overheard? What are you talking about? I stalled.
You know what Im talking about. Mary K.s whisper had the intensity of a scream. My God, Morgandont try to cover this up with lies.
I jammed my hands into the soft pockets of my flannel robe. Look, Mary K., I dont know what you heard
I want you to leave the coven. The words hung there, ugly and irrefutable, as Mary K. folded her arms across her chest.
No. I shook my head. Im sorry, but
Morgan, dont you get it? Mary K. interrupted. This isnt just about you. What about Mom and Dad? They dont have any idea whats really going on! How do you think theyll feel if anything happens to you? Her voice wavered, and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. How do you think Ill feel if something happens. . and I never even warned them?
I stood there wordlessly for a long time. I understood what she was saying. . but what could I do about it? I couldnt leave the coven now. I had chosen Wicca, and it had chosen me. And even though I wanted to comfort Mary K., I knew I couldnt lie to her. In the end, I just said, Im sorry.
Mary K. was still standing in the kitchen when I went up to my room. I lay in my bed, listening for her footsteps, on the stairs for a long, long time. She still hadnt come upstairs by the time I finally fell asleep.
7. Danger
Today was Andrew Lewiss funeral. Mother and Father didnt want us to go, but Sam insisted and in the end our parents had to give in. I dont often have a chance to go to a Catholic church for any reason, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the service. Sunlight streamed in the stained-glass windows, and the whole ceremony seemed very ancient and peaceful, even though it was a bit too solemn. I couldnt help comparing it with the circle wed held the night before at Patience Stamps house. Shes a potter, and her house is very simple but filled with beautiful handmade things. Wed held hands and had felt the magick flow between us, easing the pain we felt at losing our friends to the sea. I felt the same kind of magick in the church-a healing magick that exists between people. In the middle of the service I noticed that tears were streaming down Sams cheeks, and I handed him a tissue. But later I discovered he was feeling more than simple sorrow.
After the service Sam walked into my room and sat at the edge of the bed. When I saw that he was holding the Book-the Harris Stonghton book-I was afraid.
Then Sam told me that hed tried a small spell-a weather spell-because it hadnt rained for so long. Hed just wanted to see if he could call up a little rain, so about ten days ago, when the moon was waxing, hed tried it. He hadnt known what would happen, he said, so it couldnt really be his fault, could it?