Are you two heading up to the balcony? Bree asked as we neared the foot of the stairs.
Yup. Want to come? I teased, knowing what the answer would be. Wed been having the same debate since the seventh grade.
Forget it, Bree replied. You know how I feel about that rickety old railing.
See you guys later, then, Robbie said.
Bree and Robbie walked through the main entrance while Hunter and I headed up the side stairs. I smiled as we walked down the aisle to my favorite seats in the front of the balcony. Looking down on the theater below, I saw that there were quite a few heads in the main part. But the balcony was completely empty. We settled into our seats just as the opening credits began to roll. Hunter put his arm along the back of my seat and I leaned against him, feeling like a corny couple out of the fifties.
Whats this movie about, anyway? Hunter whispered as the title flashed across the screen in letters of flame.
A bunch of guys kicking butt, I replied.
Ah. Lovely. Hunter settled back against his chair.
About twenty minutes into the movie, I began to notice that he seemed uncomfortable. He shifted left, then right, then took his arm away from the back of my seat and gripped the armrest.
Are you okay? I whispered. Hunter didnt answer. I turned to look at him and gasped. His face, reflected in the strange shadows of the flickering movie screen, was dead white, and his mouth was opening and closing as if he was trying to speak but couldnt form the words. My heart pounded as Hunter squeezed his eyes shut and sucked in his breath. I grabbed his arm and was nearly crushed by the weight of some unseen force. Wave after wave of emotions flooded over medespair, agony, longing, regret, fear. Deep fear. The sensations were so strong that I thought they would overwhelm me as they ripped through my body.
Then suddenly the flood of feelings stopped. Hunter sank down listlessly in his seat. It was over.
I flopped back against my chair, exhausted, and listened to the sound of Hunters breathingor was it my own? We were both inhaling in ragged gasps.
What happened? I whispered.
Hunter was pale, and his chest was still heaving. It was my father, he said softly.
Cold fingers of dread crept up my spine. Are you sure? I asked in a hushed voice. Hunters father and mother had disappeared when Hunter was a child. In an effort to save themselves and their family, theyd placed their children with relatives and gone into hiding, running from the dark wave. Hunter hadnt heard from them in years. . until recently, when hed received a scrying message that he felt certain was from his father. The meaning of the message was still unclear, but Hunter had sent a spelled seedpod down the Hudson River in the hope that he might make contact. But until now there had been no word, and I knew that Hunter feared the worst.
Im positive, he replied.
Butwhat does it mean? I asked.
Hunter sat forward, leaning his elbows against his knees. He stayed there a moment, hunched over in that position, as though completely drained. Finally he faced me. I dont know what it means, he said, but Im going to find out.
I exhaled a long breath, trying to release the last of the fear and tension. I looked up at the movie screen. Its flickering images suddenly seemed like nonsense. Lets get out of here, I whispered.
Hunter was already out of his seat by the time I finished my sentence.
I spent the drive back thinking about Hunters message, wondering what it could mean. A glance over at Hunter showed me that his jaw was clenched and he was concentrating on the road. I watched the dark, hulking forms of trees flicker past the car windows, and I thought about what it must be like to know that your parents are out there somewhere. To know that they may need your help. And to be unable to give it.
Soon Hunters battered Honda was gliding to a stop in front of his house. He shifted into neutral and stared straight ahead for a moment. Then wordlessly he swung open his car door and stepped out into the frigid night. I did the same, following him toward Das Boot. I would drive home from here.
Hunter was staring out into the darkness. I didnt feel ready to say good night. Hunter, I began, but my voice trailed off. I didnt know what to say. I leaned in close and wrapped my arms around him, wishing I could just hold him and make it better.
Im going to find them, Hunter said simply. For a moment the words seemed to hang there, coiling around us in the quiet night air. Then he pulled away and turned to me, his green eyes glinting in the dimness with a strange, almost predatory look.
How? I asked.
Im not sure, Hunter said. The council was supposed to pursue a few leads, but they havent had any new information in a long time. They told me not to act, but I think Ive waited long enough. The time has come to step in myself.
But you have no idea where they are! I protested.
Hunter shrugged. Not yet, he said. Then his gaze seemed to soften, and he looked into my eyes. He leaned over, and his lips met mine. His kiss was gentle but insistent, and I felt my heart race at his touch. His fingers felt beneath my jacket and traced along my back. I shivered and pulled away from him.
Hunter, I said, I know I sound like a goofy movie girlfriend, but will you please just promise that youll be careful?
He hesitated before finally shaking his head. Ill be as careful as I can.
I thought about the dark wave, about what it might take to rescue Hunters parents. He was right careful wasnt a word that would go very far in helping them. All right, I said finally, fighting the wave of fear that I felt. It would have to be good enough. Ill be thinking about you tonight. I gave him one final kiss, then swung open my car door and slid onto the seat.
Good night, Morgan. Hunter turned, and his form retreated up the walk to his front door. I watched him until he went inside. Then I drove home, alone with my thoughts. I wished I understood what had happened. Memories of the violent emotions Id felt swirled through my mind until I reached my house.
The hallway was silent when I went inside. I shrugged off my coat and hung it on a peg, then pulled off my boots so that I wouldnt track mud all over the house.
Hi, Mom, I said, walking into the brightly lit kitchen. She was hunched over a pile of paperwork at the kitchen table. I pulled a glass out of the cabinet.
Getting in a little late, arent you? my mom remarked.
I stopped, confused. Wed left the movie early. Didnt you get my message? I asked. I was at the Pavilion with Hunter.
I got your message, my mom replied. But Morgan, you know its a school night. Have you finished your homework?
I hesitated but couldnt lie. No, I admitted.
My mother heaved an exasperated sigh. Well, I dont think I need to explain what my problem with that is, she said. Her frown etched deep lines around her mouth, making her look older and tired. Or do I? I dont know, Morgan, lately I feel like your priorities have shifted.
Thats not true, I protested.
Isnt it? my mother asked. She looked even more weary, and there was a catch in her voice as she added, You never join us at church anymore. I feel like we hardly see youlike youre just disappearing from this family.
I suddenly realized why my mother had been so eager to get to know Hunter. It wasnt just because she wanted to make sure that he was a decent personit was because she felt like I was slipping away, and she wanted to bring me back. Mom, Im sorry, I said, feeling a wave of guilt. I guess I shouldnt have stayed out late on a school night. I just thought that you and Dad liked Hunter so much, you wouldnt mind. And I dont have a lot of homework tonight. I can still finish.
Morgan, I dont want to force you to do things you dont want to do. My mom pushed away her paperwork and looked at me. And I do like Hunter. But I miss you. We all do. Id like to find a way to make sure that we can spend some time together.
I thought for a moment. Maybe we could have a regular night to get together, I suggested. A family night or something.
My mom pursed her lips a moment and folded her arms across her chest, her thinking pose. Well, maybe we could do something like that once a week.
I nodded, thinking that maybe, if we spent more time together, my parents might realize that it was possible for me to have both them and Wicca in my life.
Okay, my mom said finally. Ill check with Dad and Mary K., and well set up a regular night. She leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. Ill think of something fun we can do together.
I grabbed an apple from the bowl on the table. Sounds good. Im going upstairs to do my problem set. Sorry I was so late, I said. Eyeing her paperwork, I added, And dont work too hard.
Mmm. My mom bent over her papers again.
Biting into the apple, I went upstairs and crawled onto my bed with my calculus book. But the minute I got settled on my down comforter, the wave of exhaustion Id been holding back all day washed over me with full force. I closed my eyes, intending to rest them for just a minute. I didnt wake up until morning.
3. Attack
Okay, time for another entry in my Book of Shadows. I feel kind of silly calling this wire-bound notebook by such an imposing-sounding name. Book of Shadows is supposed to be for spells and chants and stuff like that-an I dont really know any. Still, both Hunter and Sky think we should keep one, and everyone else in Kithic seems to do it. So I got one. Which means that I have a special place to share my wonderful news.
Dad is marrying Hilary. Shes pregnant. And moving in with us in a few weeks.
I tried really hard to act happy for Dad, but he didnt ask me how I felt about it. So I guess he didnt really want to know.
As I write this, my mothers picture is looking at me from the dresser across the room. I wonder what she would think of all this. I honestly have no idea-I barely knew her. She died when I was three. I like to think that shed be glad my father is happy with someone new. I like to think that she was a nicer person that I am.
Hilary is coming over later. Im glad I wont be around, Im going to circle. I have to admit that when Bree first asked if I wanted to join Kithic, I wasnt so sure that it was a good idea. But at the very first circle we held hands and Sky taught us how to feel the each others energy. It was truly magical, the kind of experience you cant put into words. I felt myself opening up like a flower. Thats the best thing about the coven. In a weird way-I dont really understand it myself-its almost like coming home.
Bree just called to tell me shes going to be about ten minutes late to pick me up. Shes giving Morgan a ride, too. I know its dumb, but Morgan makes me uncomfortable. She has magical powers. Of course, everyone else in the coven thinks its incredibly cool. One time she made flowers appear out of thin air. I had to look around at everyone else and tell myself, Its all right. Nobody else is scared. Then I focused on my breathing to calm myself.
I know that magick is a part of Wicca, and the smaller spells-using herbs and oils to heal, channelling your energy toward something you want to achieve, but Morgans magick is different. It feels dangerous, out of control. And even her own sister is afraid of it.
But that doesnt mean that I shouldnt drive to circle with Morgan or even that she isnt a nice person. Right?
Alisa
You look gorgeous, I told Bree as I ducked into her BMW, Breezy, on Saturday evening. She wore a soft-looking gray coat over black wool pants and managed to look sleek, sophisticated, and sexy all at once.
Thanks, Bree said without enthusiasm.
So, I said, will Robbie be at the circle? I actually already knew the answer to thisRobbie and I had chatted for about one second that afternoon before Mrs. Fiorello, my moms coworker, had beeped in on the other line and Id had to hand the phone over to my mom. But I was looking for an opening. In fact, Id asked Bree for a ride especially so I could talk to her.
Yeah, hell be there. There was an odd note in her voice. My opening.
Is everything okay with you guys? I asked as nonchalantly as I could.
What do you mean? Brees voice was taut, like a piano wire.
I dont know, you just seem to be. . not yourself lately. I gripped the door handle, preparing for an attack. Bree could be prickly about personal comments.
She sighed. Yeah, she said, and her voice trailed off into the darkness. The road hummed beneath us, and for a moment I thought that she wasnt going to say anything else. Ive been feelingI dont know. Bree shook her head, as if frustrated that the thoughts wouldnt form a cohesive sentence for her. I guess Ive been feeling kind of possessive. She laughed. Pretty weird, huh?
For you? Um, yeah, I agreed. You usually run for the hills when someone acts possessive with you.
Tell me about it. Bree scowled. I just cant seem to stop myself. Its justIve never felt this way about a guy before.
But thats great, I said. It means you care.
Maybe. Bree sounded doubtful. Ive never really let myself get this close to someone before. I guess this is why. Running an impatient hand through her dark hair, she added, I really hate the way Im feeling right now, Morgan. I hate the way Im acting. I dont want to be clingy and needybut I just dont want to let Robbie out of my sight. I guess Im just worried that hes going to get bored with me or something. That now that I actually care about someone, hes going to move on.
I reached over and grabbed Brees hand. Even through our gloves, I could feel her hand radiating heat. Thats not going to happen, I assured her. Robbie is nuts about you. Hes been nuts about you for a long timeand thats not going to change. I pictured Robbie in my mind, remembering how hed confessed to me his feelings for Bree. Besides, hed never want to hurt you.
Bree squeezed my hand. There was a catch in her voice as she said, I know.
I leaned my head against the cool passengers-side window. I wanted to say more, but we were almost at Alisas house, and I didnt want to discuss this in front of her. My breath made a steamy crescent on the side of the window, and I remembered the two of us in elementary school, breathing on the cold glass of the school bus window and writing our names in the steam. That was before Brees mom moved away to live with her boyfriend in Europe. It was before her older brother, Ty, went off to college and before Brees corporate-lawyer father began working so hard that she hardly ever saw him anymore. Bree was so beautiful and poised, it was easy to forget that her life was sort of lonely. Until now, shed always kept the guys she dated at a safe distance. But Robbie was differenttheyd been friends before they started going out, and he knew her too well to be satisfied with staying at arms length. He was chipping away at the wall that surrounded her. I wondered whether it would open her up to caring about people in a new way or whether it might make her crumble.