I saw Eileen and Paula glance at each other-gee, they wished they'd stayed home tonight. Mary K. was looking fixedly at her plate. I could tell she wasn't thrilled about this idea. I didn't even want to look at Mom or Dad.
"It would be an education just to go to Europe," I said, starting to use my desperation tactics, none of which I'd thought through yet because I'd been certain I was going to wait until the right moment to bring this up. "I'd be in northern Scotland-surrounded by tons of history. Historical monuments. And then England and Ireland are just train rides away. Just visiting those would practically count for a world history credit. Think of the cities-Edinburgh, London, Dublin. Castles, gardens, moats." Okay, I was really stretching here. "And I would be working, working, working, not getting into trouble or being bored, or-"
When I finally glanced up, I saw my mom and dad looking at each other. I felt a familiar pang of guilt-I was their fish out of water, the egg some cowbird had left in their nest. When they had adopted me, seventeen years ago, nothing could have prepared them for this last year, as I was suddenly revealed as something they distrusted and feared: a witch by blood. There was no way they would let me go, to further my study of Wicca, pushing myself one step closer to being an educated, accomplished witch. They were probably still fruitlessly hoping that something would happen to me and that I would somehow turn back into a Rowlandsgo to MIT for math, get a nice engineering job or maybe teach. Get married. Have nonwitch grandchildren. Look back on my witch period the way they looked back on their flower- child years.
It wasn't going to happen.
"We need to discuss it," my mom said, her lips somewhat tight. I almost fell out of my chair. What? It wasn't an outright no!
"Yes," Dad said, swallowing. "There's a lot to think about. We need much more information before we can even make a decision. Is there some kind of brochure or something for this place?"
I was so stunned, I felt like I'd just been hit on the head with a golf ball. "Uh, I don't know," I stammered. "I can ask Eoife. She can give you more information."
Mary K.'s large brown eyes were opened wide.
"I'll do anything you say," I put in, trying not to sound pathetic and desperate.
"Well, your grades have been acceptable lately," Mom said, not looking happy. She stabbed her fork into her salad, and I felt I could have heard the crunching from three blocks away.
"There haven't been any recent incidents," my dad said, his mouth in a tight line.
I looked down. There was a lot they didn't know about. But it hadn't been my fault. Most of it. When I looked back up, Aunt Eileen and Paula were gazing at me solemnly. It occurred to me that I had no idea what they thought about my involvement with Wicca. I was sure Mom had told Eileen about some of it at least. They were really close, despite the difference in their ages and the different paths their lives had taken.
"We realize that you feel that Wicca is somehow important to you," Mom said. "While it's true we're not very happy about it, we also know that not everyone can live the same life."
"If you let me do this, I will never ask for anything again," I swore.
Mom looked at me for the first time, a smile quirking her mouth. "You said that when you wanted Rollerblades. And now look at you. Still asking for things."
That broke the tension a little bit. Mom and Dad looked at each other again.
"At any rate, we'll discuss it," said Dad, pouring himself another glass of wine. "We're not promising anything. We're only agreeing to think about it."
"Thank so much," I breathed. "That means so much to me."
"Excuse me," said Mary K. "Who's going to give me rides to the beach this summer?" Her eyebrows raised as she looked at me pointedly.
"Um. Alisa's dad?" I suggested. "The church youth group?"
"Whatever," Mary K. said with a big sigh, but I felt it was her way of letting me know this somehow wouldn't kill her.
I looked back down at my plate, suddenly starving. This was amazing. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I had put a spell on my whole family.
"Oh, my goodness," Mom said, looking up with surprise. "We never said grace tonight." "No, you're right," Dad agreed, thinking back.
"Let say it now," I suggested. I felt an overwhelming gratitude in my life right now and wanted a chance to acknowledge it. I felt that any thanks given to any god all went to the same place, anyway, no matter what religion you were centered in.
We all held hands and bowed our heads. It was a tiny bit like a weekly circle, and I felt comfortable and relaxed. My mind was still whirling with the possibility that my parents might actually consider letting me go to Scotland.
Dad began, "Oh, heavenly father, we your children who are bowed before thee thank thee humbly for the gift of this our food tonight. Your mercy is never ending, your constancy eternal"
As Dad said the familiar words, a feeling of peace and happiness came over me. I was surrounded by my family, Scotland wasn't out of the question, and I felt safe and as far away from Cal Blaire as I could possibly be.
Dad finished, and we all said, "Amen." And my heart was full of gratitude.
Right after dinner I talked to Bree, who agreed to say that I was sleeping over at her house. She wanted to help with my nightmares, and since my parents knew that Bree and I wouldn't get wild or anything, it was okay with them.
Around eight I said good night to Aunt Eileen, Paula, and the rest of my family, packed a bag, and drove to Red Kill. Alyce's apartment over Practical Magick was like Alyce herself: comforting and appealing. She opened the door at once as soon as she sensed me on the stairs. "Come in," she said. "Hunter isn't here, and Bethany stepped out for a minute. But come in and sit down."
I sank into her chintz sofa, and Whistle, one of her cats, jumped up on my lap, smelling Dagda. By unspoken agreement we talked about light things-the weather, our gardens-I had dug mine just recently and was starting to fill it in with herbs and flowers. It wasn't long before we felt Bethany on the stairs, and then the three of us sat and waited almost half an hour for Hunter. In the meantime I told Alyce and Bethany about my offer to go to Dubhlan Cuan. They were really pleased for me and seemed impressed. They both really hoped I could go and offered to talk to my parents if I'd like.
Hunter finally showed up, looking stressed and a little preoccupied. He came over and gave me a quick kiss, then noticed my questioning expression. "I'll tell you about it later," he whispered, and brushed his fingers along my cheek. Then the four of us settled down with cups of herb tea-no caffeine-to go over the strategy.
"Will this thing be able to find me here?" I asked, thinking that if it couldn't, I could just move in.
Bethany nodded. "We believe so. It's your consciousness that it traces, or at least that's the theory. Tonight we're going to work on the assumption that as it's getting more insistent, it will simply need to take on a somewhat less amorphous form. But even if it's barely present, we're prepared to handle it."
I thought of Cal as he'd been when I'd met him, glowing and charismatic, a teenage Wiccan god. How had it all come to this?
Alyce showed us the chunk of brown jasper she had gotten. It was the size of a softball, and though it was shot through with interior flaws and occlusions, it was still beautiful and impre^ive.
"You'll be sleeping in my bed," Alyce said. "The three of us will be magickally cloaked. Your role will be to go to sleep and be as powerful as you can. Did you bring your mother's tools?"
I nodded and kicked my backpack gently.
"You'll surround yourself with protection spells that will limit anyone who attempts to bind your powers. Then you'll go to sleep and wait for Cal to come to you. Once he does, once he make5 a connection with you, you will need to, in your dream, actually take hold of him. Hold him and don't let go. Our thb0ry is that what happens in your dream will be mirrored in real life."
"So you'll just wait while this thing approaches me while I'm asleep?" My voice sounded tight with tension.
"We'll absolutely be on the alert and able to get to you in a moment," Bethany assured me. "There will be three of us, joining our bowers. Once you have a hold on the thing, we'll trap it with the binding spell we created. Then we'll further encase it in the brown jasper. And I think that should be the end of it."
"And you're quite sure Morgan won't be hurt?" Hunter asked.
"We'll be right here," Alyce said. "She certainly couldn't go anywhere."
"Does this sound all right with you?" Hunter asked me. "If you're afraid, we don't have to do this. We'll think of something else." He rubbed his hand across his eyes, and I noticed the dark circles there. "No, it sounds okay," I said. "It's frightening, but not as bad as the idea of having more dreams like this. I just have to stop them."
"Okay," said Alyce, standing up briskly and gathering our cups. "Sounds like we've got a plan, then."
I went into Alyce's bathroom and put on my mother's magickal robe. It was a deep green silk, embroidered with symbols, runes, and letters. As usual, it felt comfortable and light against my skin. When I wore it, I was never too hot or too cold-it was always perfect.
I went into Alyce's bedroom, which I'd never seen before. Once again it seemed to embody its occupant. The bed looked overstuffed and comfortable, the colors were shades of lavender and green, and there were fresh flowers, a crocheted runner across the dresser, and the scent of soothing rosemary and chamomile. Alyce, Bethany, and Hunter were performing cloaking spells on themselves.
At the head of the bed I placed one of Belwicket's silver cups, with water in it. I also placed my birth mother's wand there. Around the other three sides I placed the other three cups, to represent earth, fire, and air. I got into bed, sinking into the comforting softness, the fresh, clean-smelling linens. I had the Belwicket athame, the one engraved with generations of initials of Riordan witches. Someday, I would have my own initials engraved on it, too.
I pulled up the covers and tucked the athame at my side. Surrounded by the powerful tools that had helped women in my family work magick for hundreds of years, I felt fortified and more confident. I felt connected to the long line of witches who were my ancestors and a special connection to Maeve, the woman who had given me up for adoption rather than allow me to be killed by Ciaran MacEwan.
Hunter came over and tucked me in. "Got your spells ready?" he asked. I nodded. "Right, then-sweet dreams. When you see me next, all this will be over." He leaned over and kissed me, then went back to Alyce and Bethany, who were opening the window and removing its screen.
Alyce came over, smiled, and patted my shoulder. "This will all be okay," she said.
"All ready?" Bethany asked. I nodded. "Good luck, then."
Alyce turned off the light. I looked at the luminous hands on my watch-it was ten-thirty. I often stayed up later than that, but at the moment I felt completely wiped. Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath, trying to relax and concentrate. Just relax, I told myself. Relax. Everything is all right. You're safe.
"Of course you're safe," Cal says, sitting on the edge of the bed. I jump-I hadn't sensed him coming.
"Why are you doing this?" I ask. "What do you want?"
He leans over. "I want you, Morgan," he says. "I always did. You never would join with me the way I wanted. But now you will." He smiles and strokes my hair, and I can't help flinching. He doesn't seem to notice. "Tonight you'll be mine, all mine. You didn't take any of those nasty potions that kept us apart" He frowns at that I try to think of what I'm supposed to do now. I can't remember.
Then Cal cheers up. "But tonight is different," he says, smiling again. "Tonight I'm here, and he's not. Tonight you and I will join completely."
"I don't want to." My voice comes out sounding faint, and I say it again, more strongly."! don't want you. I want you to leave me alone." Cal tips back his head and laughs, exposing the smooth brown skin of his neck. "Of course you don't really want to be alone," he says, sounding indulgent in a way that pisses me off. "Not when you can be with me. Didn't you have too many years of being alone? You did. But now you'll never be alone again."
"What are you talking about?"
He takes my hand, and it really feels like a person holding it His skin is smooth and warm, and I feel the brush of the leather friendship bracelet he used to wear. When he was alive. I shiver, but again he doesn't seem to notice.
"You've been playing hard to get," he says. "I don't blame you. You're an exceptional witch-very strong. You're simply too strong not to be joined with me." His smile lights his face, and I'm struck by his physical beauty. "You know what they say-if you're not with us, you're against us."
"Who's us?" I ask. I know I'm supposed to do something, something guided or interactive-but what? Desperately I try to remember-I'm supposed to do something, for some reason-
Cal shrugs casually. "With me. Tonight you're going to join with me forever."
"No."
He laughs easily. "You don't really have a choice, Morgan. Not anymore. Not tonight."
"I always have a choice." My voice comes out stronger than I intended, and it makes his golden eyes flick over at me.
"Not really. Not against me." He stands up and holds out his hand. "Now, come on. Let's get going. I've waited too long for this. You won't get away from me tonight" He remembers to smile at the last bit, but it's a horrible, almost vicious expression, and I recoil.
"No," I say, pulling farther back into the bed. What should I do? What should I do? Isn't something supposed to happen now? Is someone supposed to help me? Where are they?
Cal reaches forward and grips my wrist in a tight, almost painful grasp. My eyes narrow a bit-I'm not a pushover. Not anymore. I'm no longer innocent Morgan, never had a boyfriend, so flattered that a demigod like Cal Blaire would want me. He thinks I'm weak, is counting on it But I'm not weak. I'm very strong, and I know it. I'm so strong, I can protect myself in this situation. Strong enough to fight Cal all by myself. I can win. I can beat him.