These were my mother's things. They warmed my hands as I touched them.
I looked up at Evelyn, unable to speak.
"There's something else," she said, nodding for me to reach in once again. At the bottom of the bundle there was a pale green linen robe, finely embroidered with runes.
"She made this by hand," said Evelyn, running her fingers over the embroidery. "Every stitch is sacred."
I picked it up, but it was surprisingly heavy. Something was wrapped inside. As I unfolded it, I saw a glint of metal. I drew in my breath in surprise.
"Does it look familiar?" Evelyn said, watching me with glistening eyes.
It was an athame with a bright silver handle. It was cast in the shape of a mermaida steel gray mermaid.
I ran my hand over the sculpted handle, tears welling up behind my eyes. The mermaidthis was what had been calling me here, and now I had it. The athame was beautiful, and it was my mother's. I imagined her holding it in her hand, wearing the light green robe as she worked some beautiful magick. Before the storm. Before everything changed for her. I looked back at Evelyn as a few tears began to slip down my face. "I can't believe it," I whispered.
"The Goddess often speaks to us in our dreams," she said.
Evelyn instructed me to remove all of my clothing, even my underwear, before putting on the robe. I thought this would make me very cold, especially with those seaside breezes blowing all over the place, but I was comfortable in the fine linen. The fit was perfectmy mother and I must have been the exact same height. Standing there in my robe and holding the athame, my bare feet on the cool nighttime grass, I felt so witchy and so natural.
The house had a large backyard, which I hadn't seen before. It was surrounded on all sides by trees, so we were in a safe little grotto for the circle. White lights had been strung around, making the scene romantic. The large cauldron contained a sweet smelling fire, laced with herbs and fragrant wood. I took my place in the opening of the group, besides Sam, who looked quite dashing in his crimson silk robe. Charlie stood just opposite me, looking amazing in a pale yellow robe. He nodded slightly but approvingly in my direction.
Evelyn stepped forward and presented the four elementsthe candle, the incense, the bowl of water, and the dish of sea salt.
"Alisa," she said, "if you would please bring out your athame, I would like you to cast the circle."
She held out a bowl of water and indicated that I should dip my athame in it. When I had done so, she placed the elements in their respective quarters and nodded for me to begin.
I'd never actually done this before, so I was a bit nervous. You're supposed to try make the circle as perfectly round as possible. Using my right hand, I held the athame out in front of me. Walking deasil around the group, I concentrated on feeling its power, and I visualized the wall of energy that I was drawing. Automatically I started to speak, not really knowing where I had found the invocation. I supposed maybe I'd read it somewhere, but it came out of me naturally, as if I was saying my own name: "I conjure you, circle, to be a protected space, boring down through the earth and rising into the sky. I cast out from you all that is impure. Within your protective embrace, may we honor the Goddess and God."
Evelyn smiled, and I took my place. I saw quite a number of surprised glances Ping-Ponging between Evelyn and me. The circle was very peacefulno busted pipes, no floods. When it was over, everyone headed for a table that had been set up next to the house. There were cookies, brownies, and little bowls of milk and rosewater pudding decorated with rose petals. Someone switched on some Celtic music. I stayed with Sam most of the time, chatting with Katebut I was really scanning the yard for Charlie. He vanished into thin air the moment the circle was over.
When I was alone for a minute by the table, Brigid approached me, reaching past me for an oatcake. I felt a chilly, brittle energy coming from her.
"Hi," I said. "This circleit was great. It was beautiful."
She picked through all of the cakes very deliberately before choosing one. At last she looked up at me. "You saved Charlie last night. Thank you."
I opened my mouth to respond but quickly realized that I had no idea what to say. I didn't feel like I should be accepting things for something like that. Finally I just nodded.
"I'm not happy about what's happened," she said, real sadness tearing at her voice, "but what you did was good."
Having said her piece, she walked off. I saw her go into the house.
"What happened?" I said out loud to no one in particular. I desperately wanted to find Charlie and ask, but his dad came up to me at that very moment.
"I've checked my schedule," he said. "I didn't have a few full days."
I had no idea what he was talking about. "I'm sorry?" I said.
"You asked me if I had a few days to listen to your story," he explained. "I do, but not until June. Maybe we could speak on the phone instead. I'd like very much like to hear all about your experiences. Charlie's told me some, and I am absolutely fascinated."
"Oh," I laughed. "Right. Sure."
"Wonderful," he said, taking a dish of pudding. "Does Charlie have your phone number?"
"I'll give it to him," I replied. "Have you seen him?"
"Oh, yes," he said, peering around the yard. "He's on one of the benches in the back."
Far in the back of the yard, there was a small clump of four tall shrubs. In the middle of these was a tiny white stone bench, and on this bench was Charlie. As usual, my stomach twisted around completely.
"You found me," he said, sounding kind of pleased.
"I'm supposed to give you my phone number," I said, joining him on the bench.
"Oh yeah?" he said, arching his brows.
"Your dad wants it."
"My dad's been asking for your number?" He laughed, "Is there something going on I should know about?"
I felt myself blushing. "Um, listen, I'm sorry about yesterday," I said, "I didn't mean"
"No." He shook his head quickly. "No! Don't apologize." He looked around and then checked his watch. "Let me explain, but not here. Can I give you a ride back to Sam's? Things are wrapping up here anyway."
My ride arrangements where fine with Sam, so I went back inside to change into my clothes, and carefully folded the robe and put it in with my mother's tools. Evelyn gave me a warm hug and another kiss on the forehead as I left.
"We have a lot of work to do," she said to me quietly. "We need to put those tools back to good use."
"Thank you," I said, not even sure how to express my gratitude.
"Call me Grandmother," she said with a smile. "That is my name. Or Grandmom. Gran. Whatever you like."
I'd only ever had one grandmother, and she was from Buenos Aires. I called her Lita Soto.
"How about Lita?" I asked. "It's a nickname for grandmother in Spanish."
"I like it," she said with a satisfied nod. "I like it a lot."
18. The Castle
February 13, 1991
I sat straight up in bed at three o'clock this morning and screamed.
Poor Ruth, I think I scared her half to death. I woke little Brigid as well. They both turned up a my door. While I assured them that I just had a bad dream, I knew it was more. My heart ached as though it were broken. It's difficult to explain, but it felt as though a candle that always burned inside me had been snuffed out. I felt an emptiness, an indescribable loss.
After Ruth and Brigid had gone back to bed, I walked all through the house, trying to convince myself that there was some reasonable explanation for my disturbance. I walked through the basement, the kitchen, and the study, praying to the Goddess that I would find some mundane solution. But in my heart I knew there would not be, and my heart was right.
In my workroom, Sorcha's old bedroom, I found everything in a shambles. The shelves had collapsed and everything was storing had tumbled down. The carpet was shredded where the bed once stood. I knew then that my worst suspicions were true.
My daughter, my lost Sorcha, is dead.
Aoibheann
Charlie guided the car through the streets of Gloucester, past the huge neon Gorton's fisherman and the crowded pubs along the waterfront. He didn't say anything at firsthe just played with the windshield wipers, flicking them on and off, as if they could help him clear his thoughts. I couldn't get a good reading on what he was feeling. It felt like a whole soup of emotions.
"On Monday," he finally said, "in the basement, I told Brigid what happened."
I remembered the wave of emotion I'd felt coming from Brigid as I passedthat whole nasty mix of panic, anger, and sadness. It made me nauseous to think of it.
"You mean what happened in the library," I said.
"Right." He nodded. "And it was really bad. She was so upset. I've never done anything like that."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I've caused a mess"
"No!" he said, accidentally jerking the wheel a bit as he turned to look at me. "It's not that I regret it. I'm sorry I was so quiet yesterday. I was just trying to take care of things."
"Take care of things?" I asked.
"I spent yesterday thinking it all over," he continued. "Today I told her that I needed a little time to think things over."
"You broke up with her?"
He stopped for a red light and turned to my. "Yes," he said. "I think so."
I nodded, unsure of what to say. I didn't think, "Great!" would be appropriate, but by now it was clear that we had some kind of bond, however strange and undefined.
"It's for the best," he said. "We've been together for two years, since she was fourteen. Now she's sixteen and I'm seventeen. I care about her a lot, but we've both grown and changed. I don't think we're the best match for each other."
The light turned green, and he drove through the intersection.
"I'm going off to college in the fall. I'm going to be leaving Gloucester." His tone was pained, as if he was trying to convince me and convince himself that he had done the right thing. He fell silent for a minute, obviously nor sure what to say next.
"Evelyn and I had a talk, too," I said.
He pulled into a parking lot and killed the engine.
"About what?" he said, unsnapping his seatbelt and turned to me. "I mean, everything seemed good at the circle tonight. I was wondering what was going on."
While I didn't explain had transpired in detail, I told him that Evelyn and I had reconciled, and I explained what had been in the box in the back.
"Alisa." He broke into a smile and took my hands. "That's great. I can't believe I didn't notice I'm sorry."
"It's all right," I said, smiling, too. "You had a lot on your mind. How do you feel?"
"Well," he said, "I feel like a jerk for what I've done to Brigid, even though I think it's for the best. And I feel incredibly happy that you're here."
He watched me to see what effect his words were having. I'll tell you what effect they hadI almost melted. Kissing energy was on the rise.
"I wanted to show you this place," he said, pointing out into the shadows. "Take a look."
I leaned forward and glanced up through the windshield. Then I rubbed my eyes and looked again. It was a medieval castlecomplete with turrets, drawbridge, the works. I wondered if he had spelled some kind of illusion.
"It's called Hammond Castle. It's real," Charlie said, answering my unspoken question. "Well, it's a real fake. It was built in the 1920s by a rich inventor. He wanted a nice place for his art collection."
"This is really strange," I said, "but cool." And absurdly romantic, of course.
"Over there," he said, pointed out into the inky darkness of the water, just past the catle, "is one of the most famous places along the shoreline. It's a rock called Norman's Woe, the site of many shipwrecks and the inspiration for the poem The Wreck of the Hesperus, which I will now recite to you."
He drew himself up, as if he was about to give a big speech, I stared blankly.
"Just kidding," he said quickly, breaking into a grin. "But the force of the sea and the spirit's of the sailors give this place tons of energy. It's our local power sink. I've performed some amazing magick here."
We got out of the car and sat down on a bench in a small stone bell tower, where we could hear the roar of the ocean just below. The floodlights illuminated the towers above us and threw strange shadows on the ground.
"Hold on," he said. He went back to his car and came back with his messenger bag.
"Want to learn a little spell?" he asked.
"As long as it doesn't make anything fall over or break," I said. "Or make my clothes disappear!"
"No." He laughed. "Nothing like that. This one brings back something that made you happy once, a good experience. Sometimes just something like to eat or a beautiful sunset. It's a small spell, but it's a nice one. It reminds you of a joy in your life."
"That sounds nice," I said. "Sure. Show me."
He penciled the Gaelic in a slip of paper and went over pronunciation with me. I practiced it a few times. After the dark wave spell this little three liner was nothing. Then he poured about a half cup of coarse sea salt into my hand.
"Okay," he said. "I'll draw the circle. You will walk deasil three times. Say one line each time you go round. After you recite the spell, close your eyes and throw this straight up in the air, right above your head. Get it all up there in one strong, fast throw, Keep facing up, letting it fall back down to you."
Taking some more of this salt, he drew a circle on the asphalt, leaving me a space to step inside. He closed it behind me. Then he drew sigils in the air, signifying the four elements. He nodded at me to begin. I made my three circles, reciting one line each time.
"Ar iobart ar miann
an sòlas goit foad till
tromhad tràth-sa"
I closed my eyes and with one swift stroke I threw the salt into the air. I was expecting it to rain back down on my head, but it never came. Instead the snapping ocean breezes seemed to stop. I couldn't hear the waves hitting the shore, and I couldn't smell the salty air.