Already do, I said, and I meant it.
We reached a red door, and she stopped. She hitched her thumb at it and said, This is you.
I peeked into the classroom through the small window on the door and wanted to run. Or vomit. No, both. Kids were everywhere, and there were no empty seats. The teacher was at the front, already lecturing. The moment I walked inside, silence would take over and every eye would find me.
Maybe Id turned green or shuddered, because Kat said, Nervous?
Yes, but only a littlelot. Id always had difficulty lying. Want to ditch? I asked hopefully. We could start fresh for block two.
No, I dont want to ditch, and Im not even going to attempt to figure out what a little lot is. I want to make an entrance in my own class. After all, the center of attention is the best place to be.
Uh, no, no it wasnt. I backed up a step. Ill wait for you outside, then.
Youll be fine, she said, merciless. Theyll love you. And if they dont, well, let me know who I need to punish. Thats a specialty of mine, just FYI. So is tough love. She patted me on the butt. Now go get em, baby cub.
Kat, wait. I
You heard the part about tough love, right? And P.S. In a few months, you might graduate to a full-on tigress, but until then She opened the door and gave me a push inside the room. Youll have to endure the growing pains.
* * *
I survived first block with only a splash of humiliation. The teacher, and I use the term lightly, made me stand at the front of the class and tell the students a little about myself and why I was late. Apparently there were to be no breaks for anyone. Not on the first day, and certainly not for first timers who should know how to read a map.
My thinking on the matter: Mr. Buttlewhom I would forever call Mr. Buttholewas on a power trip, but whatever. I got through without any internal scarring because a very cute boy with puppy dog brown eyes smiled encouragingly at me, then made the universal jerk-off sign the moment Mr. Butthole turned his back, sending everyone into peals of laughter, thereby taking the attention away from me.
Second block took place in the same hall but third was in another building. Still, I made it on time and the class proved to be a breeze. No one tried to talk to me except the short, rotund Ms. Meyers. She wore her salt-and-pepper hair in a bun. Her glasses were too big for her face and continually slid down her nose, but she wasnt unpleasant to look at.
Im so excited to begin a brand-new year with you, she said, clapping, and I know you will be too when you hear what Ive got planned! By the way, this is Creative Writing, in case anyone accidentally wandered into the wrong room. Anyone? No? Great. On with our stories!
I propped my head on one hand, and I meant to pay attention, I really did, but my mind drifted. Id like to say I pondered my future, ways to improve my general state of mind, something, anything useful. But, no. My brain hopped the train to Colehollandville and refused to detour.
One question after another formed. What had happened out there in that hallway? Had Cole experienced anything when he looked at me? The way hed snapped his teeth at me, as if Id bewildered him without saying a wordmaybe. But then again, maybe that had been a gesture of irritation. Id basically eye-raped him.
And what if I tranced out (or whatever you wanted to call it) the next time I saw him?
Desperate to know, Id searched for him after both my first and second classes. Id looked through numerous passageways, along the stairs and, okay, yes, Id even slowed down in front of both the boys bathrooms Id passed, but thered been no hint of him.
Maybe that was a good thing. He intimidated me.
There. Id admitted it. He was big and bad and obviously well-acquainted with violence. Id had enough violence in my life, thanks. Besides, there were only three possible outcomes if the two of us actually spoke.
1) Hed tell me to ~bleep~ off.
2) Hed tell everyone I was ~bleeping~ insane.
3) Hed ask me who the ~bleep~ I thought I was because hes positive hes never seen me before.
I didnt know him, and yet I easily imagined him cussing. A lot. Kat would so not approve.
I think youll find her work symbolic of
Ms. Meyerss voice intruded, trying to claim my attention, but my dilemma quickly returned to center stage. I sooo wanted to talk to my mom about Cole and what had happened. Because of my dad, shed understood weird in all its varying shades and degrees. She wouldnt have laughed at me. She wouldnt have rushed me in for an emergency therapy session. She would have sat me down and helped me reach a conclusion that satisfied me.
I missed her so much and wished, so badly, that Id been nicer to her there at the end.
Well, well. What do you know? My mind could go somewhere other than Cole Holland today.
No way would I mention any of this to Nana and Pops. Theyd freaknot that theyd ever show me. For me, they would smile and pretend all was well, never realizing Id once caught them whispering in their bedroom.
Poor thing. Therapy isnt working. Will she ever recover, do you think?
Not sure. All I know is that I hate that shes hurting so badly, but theres nothing I can do. She wont let me.
I know. Ive never felt so helpless.
Theyd tried to get me to go to the movies, ice-skating and shopping, things kids my age supposedly liked to do, but my answer was always the same: no. Each time, they had kissed me on the forehead and said, Maybe next time.
Refusing to worry them further, Id swallowed back the words Maybe never. I spent most of my time in my room, and thats the way I liked it.
I had a routine. I spent my mornings reading The Iron Fey series. I spent my evenings listening to the mix tapes my dad had made for my mother. (I was staying in her old room and had found her old cassette player.) I spent my nights searching for monsters. On weekdays I left the house for school and on weekends I left for church. That was it.
The bell rang, shattering my thoughts like a fist through a mirror, and I bolted upright. Ms. Meyers was stacking books on her desk. Kids were already filing out of the classroom. I gathered my stuff and rose to do the same.
Alice Bell, Ms. Meyers called before I could leave.
Our gazes met, locked. I prefer Ali.
She nodded and offered me a warm smile. I looked over your transcript from Carver Academy and liked what I saw. With straight As, Im guessing you didnt sleep in class.
Ouch. I wasnt sleeping, I promise.
Her smile grew, letting me know that she wasnt offended. I know reading and writing arent everyones favorite thing, but give me a chance tomorrow, okay? If you dont like what Im saying, if I fail to engage you, fine. Sleep or daydream or whatever you want to call it.
Fair enough. You have my word.
Good. She motioned to the door with a tilt of her chin. Go on. Youve got places to be, Im sure.
I stepped into the halland prayed the world would suddenly end. Frosty and one of his more feral friends were waiting for me. Clearly. Their gazes zeroed in on mearrow, meet bulls-eyeand they leaped into motion, closing the distance between us. I bet they were here to warn me away from Cole.
How humiliating! I kept walking, and they kept pace beside me, flanking me. Testosterone walled me in, neatly shutting out the rest of the world.
Sup. Im Frosty, the rough-looking blond said. Up close, I saw that his eyes were not completely brown but a pretty blueberry with flecks of chocolate.
My stomach growled. Okay, so I was hungry, and that was probably why his eyes reminded me of delicious food. So what. An appetite was a good thing, and Id been without one all summer.
This heres my boy Bronx, he added when I failed to respond.
Im Ali. Either I hadnt noticed Bronx earlierso not likelyor hed been running late. Bronx, huh? Is that where youre from?
Nope, Frosty answered for him.
Bronx said nothing, but oh, did he stare. For a guy with barbells in both of his eyebrows and hair dyed an electric blue, that stare bypassed demon-dark and went straight to devil-damned.
Okay, I said. What else was I supposed to say?
A group of jocks passed us. To my surprise, they practically flattened themselves against the row of lockers to get out of the way of my giant, muscled bookends. I could even smell their fear, an acrid scent coating the air between us, stinging my nostrils.
So weird.
At my old school, jocks had ruled, their word law, and the only thing theyd worried about was the next game. Different schools, different worlds, I guess.
Boys, I heard Dr. Wright say. I picked up the clack clack of her heels before I spotted her at the end of the hall. Youre not manhandling Miss Bell, correct? She spoke as she walked toward us. Her gaze remained locked on Frosty. Id hate to have to ruin the rest of your day with detention.
No reason to ruin, Dr. Wright, he said with military precision at the same time I said, Im fine.
She wasnt satisfied. What do you want with her?
Frosty smiled, all innocence. Just to talk, what else?
Why?
Were all principals this nosy?
Because shes cute? Frosty replied, a question rather than a statement.
In that moment, I could have fallen flat on my face and experienced less embarrassment.
Dr. Wrights suspicions were not assuaged, judging by the narrowing of her eyes, but she briskly passed us without trying to stop us. Just make sure you watch your mouths or Ill have to call your guardians, she threw over her shoulder.
Frosty shuddered. Bronx saluted with mock respect.
So how do you know Kat? Frosty asked me, jumping back to the conversation. As determined as he looked, he was done with distractions.
I relaxed. They werent here for Cole, and they werent here because I might beor might not bemoderately attractive. We ran into each other during summer break. Hopefully that was the right thing to say. I wasnt sure about proper etiquette when dealing with a friends ex.
Where at? he asked, pretending an ease those M&M eyes failed to project.
Well, uhhmm. How could I answer that without spilling info about myself?
The two boys guided me around a corner by pressing their shoulders into mine and steering me. Id wanted to go the other way, to my locker. Whatever. I could deal. I might not want anything to do with violence, but I could handle myself, even with bruisers like these. My dad had made sure of that.
In fact, Id taken my dad down a time or twelve, flipping him over, popping his eye and once even breaking his nose. Every time Id bested him, hed smiled, so wonderfully proud of me.
A burning in my eyesa tremor in my chin. Dang it, I needed to concentrate on the here and now.
What had Frosty asked me? Oh, yeah. If you want to know where I met Kat, youll have to ask Kat. There. An answer without being an answer. Meanwhile, Id be pulling her aside the next time I saw her and asking her to mentally torch the details.
Frosty acted as if hed just been stabbed in the gut. Cruel, Ali, so cruel. At least give me a hint. Pretty please with cherries on top of me.
Charming. But I couldnt forget that hed cheated on Kat. Thinking fast, I said, Okay, heres a hint. A lot of people were there. There was some screaming, definitely some writhing. A looot of touching. Doctors were very hands-on.
In the next instant, I was given a deeper glimpse of the criminal-in-the-making Frosty was. That mask of affability fell away, revealing hard, dark eyes and lips compressed with rage. Did she touch anyone? Did anyone touch her?
Dude. You left her for the entire summer. Its been nice talking to you and everything, but I really need to
We rounded another corner and I slammed into something solid, losing my concentration as I stumbled backward.
Bronx caught me, righted me and then let go of me as if Id just given him third-degree burns.
Im sorry, I began, focusing on the person Id hit.
A girl, shorter than me by several inches. Silky dark hair curled to the middle of her back and framed a face God might have used to design his favorite angels. Her makeup was perfect. Her skin was slightly sunburned but still perfect. Her clothes were expensive and sexy, yet still elegantand perfect. She wore a pink cashmere sweater and a flirty white skirt. She was the only diamond in a sea of glass.
I wasnt into girls, butwow. This one could probably turn anyone. Not even Kat and her catalog friends could compare.
Is this your newest slice of tail? she asked Frosty, all kinds of youre beneath me in her tone. A tone clearly directed at me.
Maybe she wouldnt be able to turn me. I wasnt into nasty.
Back off, Mackenzie, Frosty said.
Mackenzie. As in, Mackenzie Love. This was Cole Hollands ex?
Of course she is, I thought next, wanting to laugh without a bit of humor. Beautiful boys dated beautiful girls. Thats how the world worked. And yes, by those rules, I was destined to be with a lanky loner with a tragic past. Wonderful.
Cole wants you, she snapped at the boys, so your little missionary trip will have to wait.
Cue my exit. Id already said my goodbye, so I pushed my way past Mackenzie and enteredthe cafeteria. So thats where theyd been taking me. Time for lunch, then. No wonder my stomach had been growling. The smell of food paired with a thousand other appetites could have turned a mannequin into a savage.
Already lines snaked from every direction. I had no idea what was what, so I scanned the area until I spotted a familiar face in the far corner.
Kat waved me over. Behind me, Frosty yelled for my attention while Mackenzie called him an idiot. Ignoring them, I tromped forward. The deeper I entered the room, the more I noticed the grease that coated the air. I also caught hints of sugar, perfume and cologne, everything combining to form a cloying musk. Goodbye appetite.
What were you doing with Frosty? Kat asked the moment I plopped down beside her.