Silence.
I didnt think so. Ali? she said, and I knew what she was asking. Did I want her to stay with me?
Im fine, I said, still squeaking. Come on and grow that pair of lady balls Kat thinks you already have. Theres still time to bring home the victory on this one. Id lived through hell on earth. This should be nothing.
Cole returned his attention to me, expectant.
Im fine, I repeated, for my benefit rather than Kats. At least Id sounded halfway normal. I would get this meeting over with, get my questions answered, and boom, everything would go back to normal.
Just remember what I told you. Off she skipped, leaving me alone with Cole.
What had she told me? That he was dangerouscheck. That he still hung out with his excheck. That he liked to body slam and throat smashdouble check.
You have Mrs. Heldermon next, he said, a statement not a question.
Yes. Surprise filled me, and not just because he hadnt cussed, as Id previously imagined. How did you know?
He massaged the back of his neck, just like hed done when hed talked with Mackenzie. Please tell me that wasnt a sign of irritation. My class is in the same building. Yesterday I saw you go into the room.
And yet, Id never seen himand Id looked. Oh, how Id looked. Either my powers of observation were lacking, or his ability to camouflage himself was incredible.
Come on, he said.
We kicked into motion. Everyone who spotted us did a double take. Friends were nudged and heads were quickly turned in our direction. It was like we were on a screen playing the newest reality showSurvivor: Asher Highand they were our trusted viewers.
When we were out of eavesdropping range, Cole said, Whatever youre doing to me each morning a hint of anger bloomed in his tone you need to stop.
My gaze whisked up to his face so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. Whatever Im doing to you? How about what youre doing to me?
What am I doing to you?
Like I was really going to mention my craziness without confirmation of his. You tell me. Because really, he could be talking about something totally different. Maybe he wanted me to stop eye-stalking him, as Id first assumed. Maybe he wanted me to stop conversing with his friends, even when they cornered me like a rabid animal.
We kept walking, neither of us saying anything else. I wanted to wait him out, but I lacked the willpower and ultimately cracked. Sowho did you fight?
There was only a beat of hesitation before he responded, No one youd know.
Annnd more silence.
O-kay. Hed arranged this little meeting, had asked me two questions and now had nothing to say to me. That was arelief. Yes, a relief and not a huge disappointment.
All too soonuh, I mean, a torturous eternity laterwe reached my classroom and stopped. Thanks for the escort, but lets not do this again sometime, I muttered. Forget answers. I could live without them.
He stretched his arm in front of me, flattening his palm against the door frame, preventing my escape. Im sorry about Mackenzie, he said, and some of his animosity had drained. She wont bother you again.
Well, that was something at least. I wasnt worried, I replied honestly.
His lips quirked at the corners, as if he were fighting a smile. You should be worried. She can be a Mean. Very mean.
What had he stopped himself from calling her? A ~bleep~? (Kat would have been so proud. I couldnt even cuss in my mind.) Im still not worried.
His sorta smile stretched wider. Have you ever been in a fight? With his free hand, he pinched a lock of my hair and rubbed the strands together. Because you look like something out of a fairy tale.
The wicked witch? I couldnt help but ask.
Please. The princess.
Uh, had he just given me a compliment? Couldnt have. Thered been something sharp in his tone.
I noticed two kids standing off to the side, wanting into the classroom but not wanting to squeeze between Cole and me to get there. I wrapped my fingers around Coles wrist and lowered his arm. The kids bypassed us, but I didnt return to my place. I was flush against Cole, could feel his heart pounding and couldnt bring myself to move.
Yes, I have been in a fight, I said, recalling what hed asked me. With my dad, during training.
Coles head tilted to the side, that violet gaze intense. A fistfight? he asked.
Uh-oh. Id noticed his eyes. I was well and truly trapped now. So pretty. Is there any other kind?
Many kinds. So whod you fight?
No one youd know, I said, mimicking his answer. If I told him the truth, hed think my dad had let me win or worse, that I was a major witch for fighting my own father. And Id have no defense!
The quirking at the corner of his mouth started up again. I amused him, I guess, and had no idea why. Well, he confused me. Why warn me about his exs cruel streak? Why try to comfort me? Why do nothing else?
I studied his face, searching for answers, finding none.
Ali?
Yes. My attention lowered to his mouth. Up close like this, the split in his lower lip revealed a fresh bead of blood. I bet he could have taken my dad and still had the energy to turn the two visions Id had into a reality.
I asked if your last name is Bell.
This newest topic switch threw me, but I quickly adapted without dying of embarrassment for losing myself to such silly thoughts. Yes. Bell. Why?
Your dad was Phillip Bell. Your mom was Miranda Bradley.
Was, hed said. Not is. He knew. I swallowed my sudden urge to scream, gritting out, Youre right, but how did you know that? Id never even mentioned their names to Kat.
My dad went to school with them.
Someone else had known them, might mourn their loss. How odd to discover that the people Id lived with for most of my existence had had a life before me, without me. On some level, Id realized that, of course I had, but hearing the truth was a different matter entirely. Your dad went to school here?
A hard nod.
I had about a thousand more questions now. Had our parents hung out together? Been friends? Enemies? Had his dad said anything about mine? How had his dad known about mehad Cole mentioned me to him? I didnt ask a single one, though. Asking would have invited him to ask questions of his own, and I wasnt ready to talk about what had happened over the summer.
My dad wants to know
Thanks for the heads-up about your girlfriend, I interjected in a rush, making it clear our parents werent up for discussion. I wasnt sure of my reaction, and I wasnt going to risk it. We should probably say goodbye now.
A knowing pause before he gave another stiff nod. Fine. But just so you know, Mackenzie isnt my girlfriend.
He didnt say anything else, and I had no idea how to reply, so I strode into the classroom. Gold star for meI didnt cast a final glance over my shoulder. I think he watched me, though, because I felt two white-hot pings in my back.
* * *
I made it all the way to last block without any problems and forced myself to listen to the final lecture of the day, this one about equations and how to properly decipher them with minimal brain spasmswithout allowing thoughts of Cole Holland to invade. Go me. Finally, blessedly, the bell rangand I was quite sad to realize I wasnt any smarter.
Kat, whod saved me a seat and wiggled her eyebrows at me every time Id glanced in her direction, grabbed me before I could escape and demanded to know every word that had been uttered between Cole and me.
The self-imposed CH embargo was over, I guess, and I was kinda glad. I needed advice. I relayed the conversation verbatim and her excitement drained.
Okay, I dont know how they judge cool versus lame at Carver Suck It Academyoh, and did I mention that we kicked your butt last year in both football and basketball?but here at Asher we consider that seriously lame.
I wasnt offended. I liked her honesty. What should I have said?
She batted her lashes at me and lowered her voice to a smoky rasp. Cole, you big strong manimal. I know the boogeyman thinks youll jump out of his closet, but I think youre Hey, are you listening to our private conversation, Marcus? she ended in a shout. Yeah, thats right. Run.
I could only blink at her. Never, and I mean never, could I call Cole a manimal.
Where was I? Kat asked me. Never mind. Judging by your expression, youre not ready for flirting lessons. Ill just stick with giving you a pick-me-up. Come on. Lets go to Café Bella and drink so many lattes were peeing coffee for a week.
Suddenly I heard angels singing. I would seriously love that.
She smiled. I always have the best ideas, dont I?
Outside, a gray film covered the sky. Thick dark clouds looked ready to burst at any momentexcept for one. It was white and fluffy, perfect in every wayand shaped like a rabbit in midhop.
Ice chips crystallized in my veins, and I skidded to a stop. The last time Id seen a cloud like that, Id lost everyone and everything I loved.
Logically I knew a cloud did not determine my future, or even predict it, but
The world was suddenly spinning, spinning, round and round. Car after car zoomed beside me, the parking lot writhing and seething with blurry motions and hazy sounds. Someone honked. Someone grumbled. I couldnt force myself to move. Could only stare in horror.
Ali?
Kats voice sounded far away, as if she stood at the end of a long, narrow tunnel. Would I cause Kat to wreck her car today? Would she die in front of me? Would I walk away without a scratch?
Finally, motion on my part. I backed away from her.
Ali? she said again.
I jerked my gaze in her direction. Her frown of concern nearly leveled me. I cant, I said, shaking my head. I just cant. Im sorry. Fog filled my head, making me dizzy. I spun and ran, just ran, arrowing toward the building.
I heard her calling for me, knew she was chasing after me. A back door blew open and closed in the wind. I shot through on its next opening and sprinted down the hall. I didnt see Dr. Wright but I heard her shout for me. I ignored her, too, and found a bathroom (for boys) where I shut myself inside one of the stalls. Panting, I sat on the lid of the toilet, drew my knees up to my chest and fought the sting of tears in the back of my eyes.
Minutes, maybe hours, passed but neither Kat nor Dr. Wright ever found me.
What should I do? What should I freaking do? Id already missed my bus, and I refused to call Nana to ask her to pick me up. I justI couldnt get in a car today. With anyone. If someone died because of me, I would never be able to shake the guilt.
You realize youre being irrational, right?
Yeah, I did. But did that help me? No.
My house was only a few miles away. I could walk, I decided. Yeah, that was the perfect solution. No cars would be involved, and Id get some much-needed exercise. Finally I calmed.
The storm would break at any moment, and Id probably be soaked to the bone by the time I got home, but everyone would be safe. That was all that mattered.
6Advice from a Dying Caterpillar
Dinner that evening proved to be a horribly tense affair. Nana had come home early and I hadnt been there. She had worried. Shed called my cell a dozen times but I hadnt answered. I had known she would insist on coming to get me, and my protests would have fallen on deaf ears. So Id sent her straight to voice mail, listened to her messages and texted her back each time, telling her I was on my way and fine.
Whats the point of having a cell phone if youre not going to use it, she muttered now.
I did use it, I said, my voice nasally. My nose was cold, wet and stuffed, and if I sneezed one more time, Id hopefully blow the thing off my face. I texted you. Multiple times.
Her lined face scrunched in distaste, making her appear older than she really was. And I had no idea how to respond! Ive never typed anything but a number into my phone.
Ill teach you the basics, I said, the thought alone enough to make me nervous. I could already tell: thered be lots of adjusting her reading glasses, repeating my instructions as if Id spoken in Greek, until she finally asked me to write everything down in a language she could understand. But there wasnt a language she would understand, so wed never get anywhere.
Youll teach me? Nana asked.
See? Repeating me already. Yes.
You, a girl who doesnt even have enough sense to stay out of the rain until I can come and get you?
As if to emphasize my own stupidity, I sneezed. Yes.
Thats it. Im taking you to the doctor. She tossed her napkin on the table. Youve probably given yourself pneumonia!
Im not sick, Nana. Honest. Wasnt like Id gone to a medical lab, asked for a dish of their tastiest virus and feasted.
She drew in a deep breathreleasedthen picked up her napkin. All right. If youre without a fever tomorrow, Ill allow you to teach me how to text.
Gee. Thanks. So what did you do when Mom was late? I pushed my peas around my plate with the prongs of my fork. She never had a cell.
Pops frowned at me. Is that what today was about? Scaring us so that well never take away your phone? Really, Ali. That was unnecessary. We wouldnt do something like that to you.
That wasnt what happened at all, I said. I just felt like walking. And that was one hundred percent the truth. With the thunder and the wind and the rain, I knew you wouldnt be able to understand me if we spoke. Also, I was afraid Id be struck by lightning and, if the phone was at my ear, electrocuted. Texting was the best option. Again, truthonly stretched thin with the more pertinent details omitted.
Well, dont walk home again, Pops said in that scolding voice. Scolding, and worried. Over the past few days, his comb-over had lost a few valiant soldier-strands desperately holding on to his scalp. Because of me? Im not trying to What do teenagers say nowadays? he asked my grandmother.
Get all up in her biznez, Nana said. Without cracking a smile.