Zep was fun, handsome, and her best friends boyfriend. He wasnt an option. And she didnt know what was worsethe cliché or the strain of holding two equal and opposite feelings at once.
Nothing had changed since the kiss, of course. He had played typically hard to get ever since, and it didnt look like anything had changed between him and Libby.
But now this, and this only, made things worse. If Libby did break up with Zep, and if Clair and he did hook up, what would Libby think then? That Clair had been the other woman all the time?
As if, Clair told herself, unable to hold Libbys hot gaze any longer. Zep probably had girls mobbing him everywhere he went. Take that very night, the crashlander ball. Who knew where he was right then? He wasnt with Libby, and he wasnt with Clair, either, and that spoke volumes.
Sorry, guys. Libbys voice was barely audible over the racket of the party. I think Im going to go home. My head is pounding, and Im not really up to this now.
Clair and her friends tried to talk Libby out of leaving, but she was adamant. Migraines were migraines, and the party bubble had popped, she said. It simply wasnt fun now that Zep was here; he was stressing her out too much. Yes, Libby would confront him about it, but not now. Tomorrow, maybe.
Clair trailed with Libby back to the booth, just the two of them, as the night had started.
One of the doors was open, its mirrored interior empty and waiting.
You sure youll be okay? Clair asked.
Libby nodded, downcast. Clair impulsively took her hand and held her there for a moment. I love you, she wanted to say. Ive known you nearly all my life, and you understand me better than anyone. Youve fixed everything from grazed knees to panic attacks. I would never do anything to hurt you. When this stupid crush passes and you and Zep get married, Ill be your maid of honor, and no one will remember but me.
But the words wouldnt come. Clair could only hope that her eyes said everything she needed to express.
Libby let go and went into the booth.
Stay beautiful, she said.
Yeah . . . you too.
The door slid behind her, and the old booth whirred.
3
CLAIR SAGGED, EXHAUSTED suddenly by conflicted emotions. She told herself to concentrate on the party. It was going well. People were enjoying themselves, so why shouldnt she? She would get herself another drink. She would find Tash and Ronnie and have another dance. She would
There you are, Clair-bear. Whereve you been hiding?
Zep was standing right behind her.
Hey, she said, turning away from the door through which Libby had vanished. She couldnt just ignore him, could she? Are you having a good time?
Spot-on. These guys are the coolest. Was that Libby I saw a second ago?
Clair nodded. She left. A headache.
Her loss. A bunch of us cracked the lock on the old telescope hatchwhatever you call it. Come see. The views amazing!
She hesitated. Reason told her that he was only inviting her because Libby wasnt around and he wanted someone to show off to.
All right, she heard herself saying. Just let me get a coat.
They found a pile of parkas at the base of the ladder leading up to the walkway circling the base of the dome. The wide slit the telescope would once have peered through was indeed open, but the telescope itself was gone. Clair shrugged into a thick mountaineering jacket and zipped it up to her chin. The hood dampened some of the partys incessant racket. She put on gloves and followed Zep up the ladder and onto a narrow maintenance platform that circled
the outside of the observatory. There was a rail, but it looked insubstantial against the black, mountainous space below. One misplaced step would lead to a sudden, stony death. Luckily, there were other things to think about.
Amazing, isnt it? said Zep from behind her. His face was barely visible inside his own hood. He had to stand close so she could hear him. Head that way. Theres another ladder around the bend that goes right to the top.
Clair followed his directions deeper into the night, everything bombarding her in sharp-edged focus. She no longer felt cramped and crowded as without realizing it she had inside. On the roof of the Sphinx Observatory, the night seemed almost mythic in its intensity.
When she reached the ladder, Zep said, Here, let me give you a hand.
No, Ive got it. She hoisted herself onto the first rung and climbed carefully but surely upward. The first few steps were perfectly vertical, but slowly the angle lessened as she came over the bulge of the dome. When she was halfway, the circular observation platform at the very top came into view. It was ringed with another low metal rail and was full of people, some of them standing on the rail and pretending to fly.
One boy shouted, Im going to jump! No, really, I am. . . . Judging by the way people ignored him, he had been saying it for a while.
Five yards from the top, there was a ledge protruding from the dome where some kind of rusted antenna installation jutted out into the night. The ladder went right past it.
Lets stop at that ledge rather than go to the top. Clair didnt want to have to fight for a view, and the scenery was fantastic enough where she was.
Sure. Thats cool.
She climbed the rest of the way and stepped carefully onto the ledge. There was no rail, just the antenna to hang on to, and once they were off the ladder, the slope of the dome beneath them felt five times steeper. The metal looked slippery too, rimed with clear ice. She wondered if shed done the right thing. Then she felt something pressing into her side and heard a distinct click. Zep had used a carabiner to attach her to a rope that looped around his waist. Another click and they were both safely attached to the antenna.
He grinned at her with something like relief, and she laughed at the nervous moment shed unknowingly shared with him.
They squatted down, then sat so their legs dangled off the ledge. Clair could feel the cold seeping into her backside, but for the moment it wasnt making her uncomfortable. The view seemed to go forever.
Itll be light soon, Zep said.
She didnt check the clock in her lenses. Global time wouldnt tell her whether it was midnight or five minutes to sunrise in Switzerland, since it was the same time everywhere. Her eyes told her that the sky did look faintly lighter to the east. The highest peaks were dusted with faint haloes, like giant angels.
She pulled an oxygen bottle from her pocket and took a hit. The compressed gas actually felt warmer than the air biting at her cheeks.
This is such an amazing place, Zep said.
I know. We really did get lucky.
Everyones saying Libby found it, but you should get at least half the credit, I reckon. I bet she didnt like it at first, and you talked her into it.
She tilted her head and stared at him through narrowed eyes. How do you know that?
Because youre Libbys finisher.
Her what?
You finish what she starts, clean up her messes, right her wrongs, that kind of thing. You are, right?
I dont do that, she said, glancing out at the icy vista. Not always.
Yes, always, he said. Sheesh. I know you two better than you know yourselves.
Ha! You wish.
Just try me.
All right. Whats my favorite kind of chocolate?
Dark.
Yes . . . but I already knew that.
He grinned. So give me something harder.
Clair thought for a second. Whats my least favorite city in the world?
Hmmm. Omsk.
Is that a real place?
Of course it is. Youd never hate somewhere imaginary.
But Ive never been there.
Doesnt matter. Youll go there one day, and youll hate it. Take my word for it.
Have you been there?
No.
So how do you know?
I just know you, see? Want to go check it out? We can be there in thirty seconds.
No thanks.
Frightened Ill be right?
She laughed and punched him on the arm. It was as solid as a rock, even through the parkas. He snatched the oxygen bottle from her and took a hit.
I was beginning to wonder if you were avoiding me.
What? No. Just you-and-Libby, she wanted to say.
Good.
Why?
He sucked on the canister a second time, then gave it back to her. She resisted the urge to bring it immediately to her lips.
Maybe its the oh-two, he said, inching closer so they were pressed tightly against each other on the narrow ledge, maybe its this place . . . I dont know. But Ive been wanting to get you alone all night. . . .
Zep raised his right arm and put it around her shoulders while his other hand came across him to tip her hood back slightly. Her head tilted with it.
Every nerve cell in Clairs body came alive, and at the same time every neuron in her brain froze in shock. This wasnt happening, surely.
But it was. He leaned into her. She didnt pull away. His lips were parted. She could see his teeth. When he breathed out, the air misted between them, only there was hardly any between at all now. If he came any closer . . . all she had to do was . . .
Wait, stop, she said, raising her left arm and pushing firmly against his chest with fingers splayed. What are you doing?
He blinked at her. What am I what?
Libby, remember?
This isnt about Libby.
But it has to be about Libby. You cant fool around with me while youre seeing her. You cant. I cant. She was talking to herself as much as him, and she didnt think she was doing a very convincing job. Besides, she already thinks youre cheating on her with someone else. Thats a clique Im not eager to join.
Theres no clique, he said with a frown. Theres no one else. Is that who you think I am?
Before Clair could answer, a boom of flesh on metal came from above and behind them, heavy enough to make their perch vibrate. Clair whipped around and saw someone skating down the slippery slope of the dome. It was the boy who had been threatening to jump earlier. He was waving his hands above his head to keep himself upright. His expression was one of shock, as though he couldnt believe what gravity was doing to him.
He tried to backpedal and fell with his legs in the air. It might have been funny except for his cry of absolute terror. He knew and everyone watching knew that if nothing arrested his fall, he would slide unchecked faster and faster to the edge of the dome. From there, there was nothing but down. To the icy rocks below.
People were shouting. Zep was moving. The ledge complained as he leaped to his feet and stepped over Clair. Two more steps gave him a short running jump off the ledge. Clair didnt have time even to think as he launched himself into space. Then the rope connecting him to the antenna snapped taut, and she clutched at it with both hands, fearing the carabiner giving way and him being swept off the dome.
Zep hit the dome spread-eagled and belly first, causing another hollow boom, louder than the first. He skidded down the icy slope and reached for the falling guy. They clutched at each other with graceless urgency, scrabbling for a grip on slippery parkas and gloves, and clung tight. The extra weight made the ledge under her groan alarmingly. Clair held on to the rope and leaned back as far as she dared.
The rope wrenched Zep and the guy along an arc, tumbling down over the bulge of the dome and out of sight. When the rope was pointing straight down over the dome, Clair felt some of the weight ease, as the falling guy was helped down from below, she hoped. She braced her feet against the antennas base and kept pulling on the rope. Her breath came fast, rasping in her ears.
People were thundering down the ladder. Some of them shouted at her, but she couldnt make out what they were saying. The rope moved under hands again, and she leaned back as Zep rappelled up to the ledge. Her heart thudded extra hard on seeing him, and inside her gloves, her hands felt tremulous and sweaty. The world had narrowed down to just the two of them. She no longer saw the perilous view at all.
Zep looked like he might be feeling the same. His eyes were a bright, shining blue, and he was blinking a lot. Two red spots burned in his cheeks.
When hed reached the ledge and had a good grip on the antenna, she let go and said, Next time, just throw the rope, you idiot.
Oh yeah, he said, his breath steaming, I shouldve thought of that.
She grabbed his head with both hands and brought their lips together, hard. Not for long; he was breathing heavily, and it still wasnt right. But if the rope or antenna hadnt held, he would have fallen and Clair would have missed her one and only chance to do it properly. She had to make up for that now, while she could.
Jesus, he said when she pulled away, is this what I have to do get you to kiss me?
She lowered her head so her face was buried in his chest. They both laughed, almost hysterical on adrenaline, and she clutched him as though she were the one falling.
4
THE ACCIDENT DIDNT kill the party, but it did have a decidedly sobering effect. Dawn did the rest. Within half an hour it all was over, and Clair was standing in line for the booth with Zep and Xandra Nantakarn and fifty other people, all shivering and awaiting their turns to go home. There was some disgruntled muttering about the delay. Clair hadnt considered that downside of the d-mat bottleneck.
Dont feel bad, Xandra told Clair when her chance to leave came. No one died, and the crashlander legend lives on. See you tomorrow night?
Uh . . . maybe. Clair wasnt thinking that far ahead. The electric bubble she had occupied earlier had popped. Now she just felt tired.