Dont you dare feel guilty for that. People are making their own choices for all sorts of reasons. We cannot make everyone safe. We gave them options, they will take them or not, but in the end its up to them.
Lark laughed. Seems to me, missy, Ive had this exact conversation with you.
Yes. Well.
Ill talk to you tomorrow to fill you in on what I learn tonight. Molly is doing a bunch of interviews. We installed some nifty new tech here so she can do sat feeds and doesnt have go to the studio every time.
Good. I feel better knowing that. Were having dinner with Mom and Dad tonight. Faine insisted so he can announce his intentions or whatever.
Moms gonna love that. When are you going to Lycia?
He wants to go as soon as possible. But right now things are sort of crazy and Im not ready to do the binding thing yet.
Binding thing? You didnt even tell me!
I didnt? I just figured. Well, you said you knew hed set his sights on me. How can you not know?
Well, the Neest thing is a whole different level! Jeez. You can take your time. Hell wait. If hes declared youre his Neest, hed wait forever for you. Its not something more than ten percent of them do. Its rare and its forever and it makes me so happy!
Its sort of weird. Two sisters. Two brothers.
It makes sense I guess for them both to have that connection to us. Partly its at the DNA level, or so Simon tells me. Were related.
Helena closed the door and came back to sit in front of the video conference set. So whats it like? The binding I mean.
I was worried. That it would be too much, or that Id feel trapped. But really? Do you sort of feel like when you enter a room hes in, theres like a cord of energy between you?
It draws me to him. If hes around its like I know it on some level. But I cant read his thoughts. Hes cagey.
Lark laughed. They all are. But the binding, it sets that connection. It amplifies it. I can think about it and know where Simon is right now. It doesnt hurt that since all this got worse he makes an effort to be near me all the time. But still. I dont need to be near him. But I know where he is. I can sense great shifts of emotion. If hes angry or happy or hurt. Theyre rebuilding Heart of Darkness right now and he was putting up shelves in his office and suddenly I just know hes been hurt. And hes pissed off. Given our current circumstances I flipped out and rushed over there because hes not answering his phone. He had driven a nail through his hand and hed done it stupidly and thats why he was pissed. But I dont know his thoughts. And hes a man, so. Its not like chances are it wont be about food or sex at least eighty percent of the time.
Helena laughed.
It ties your life force to his. Thats a clumsy way of explaining something that is . . . well, it changed my life. It didnt take anything away from me. Im still quite able to be annoyed with him. I can still look at Gages butt and recognize it for the masterpiece it totally is. Id love Simon just as much without the binding. But Leviathan now sees me as one of their own. I made a commitment to him and his family both here and in Lycia. That meant a lot to Simon. Family and pack means a lot, you know?
Do you think I should do it? It seems so fast!
Its been months since youve known him. You have been through some hard-core stuff with him at your side. You know how hell act in a crisis. You know hell have your back. Do you love him?
She thought about it carefully. This wasnt a question she should take lightly. But the answer was inescapable and she was totally, utterly sure. Yes.
And he loves you. More than that, by undertaking the binding hes declaring youre it. Forever. He wants to cleave himself to you. Which sounds old-fashioned, but gods, it makes me so happy. It calms me and sustains me that I have someone who commits so wholly. Thats what he wants for you. You are, as long as I have known you, the kind of person who commits to something with everything she has. You are his match. He is yours. So yes, I think you should do it. I think you deserve that kind of connection to someone. You deserve that commitment and happiness.
Im so afraid of failing. Of failing him. Of failing everyone. She grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and tried to dab her eyes without messing up her makeup. See, this is why I hate to cry. Its too hard to keep my liner and mascara from running.
Shut up. You look like a freaking model even after you barf. And look, everyone is afraid of failing. What is the point of having important things in your life if you dont care enough about them to worry you could mess them up? I know we were raised to believe failure is unacceptable. But thats bullshit. Failure happens because no one is perfect. And because very few things in life are totally in your control. So all you can do is your best.
When did you get so wise?
I think it might be some of Simons wisdom I get through the binding.
Helena snorted. That is a plus. She took a deep breath. I guess I need to just suck it up and jump, huh?
Yeah. I will say up front that the first few hours after the ceremony youre sort of swimming in all sorts of Lycian pack stuff. Simon said it was like me settling into the collective space the Pack exists in. Like the heart of the Pack or something. Sort of like the Font, I guess. Will you tell me when you go? I want to be there with Simon.
Yeah? Id really like you to be there.
Good, thats settled. Ill talk to you soon. And Hellie? Im so happy for you. Faine is a lucky dude.
She was still smiling when she came out of the conference room.
Faine was across the way, leaning against a desk and speaking earnestly with her father.
Uh oh. She gave them both a look when she got to them. Should I be concerned?
I was just telling your father that youd been named head of the Defense and Security arm of the COO and what some of your orders were. He and I agreed they were quite good orders.
And I was telling him your mother wont break out anything with tempeh in it until hes been around a while longer. Were having chicken for dinner so dont be late.
In all fairness, shes a really good cook. I do not agree with her stance on vegan baked goods, but her tempeh stuff is actually quite tasty. Ill bring something sweet.
Okay. Her dad squeezed her hand and stepped back. See you two in a bit.
I have an other hours worth of work and then we can head out. That work for you?
Faine nodded. You all right? Youve been crying.
Damn that Lycian nose of his. Its okay. I just had a nice heart-to-heart with Lark.
He followed her back to her office. A heart-to-heart that includes crying?
I was going to tell you once we left the office, but since you look so concerned, Ill tell you my news now. Yes.
I like it when you say yes, alamah, but to what are you agreeing? Something really dirty, I hope.
Perhaps with Faine it might be closer to 90 percent of his time thinking about sex.
The binding I mean. You asked and I said I needed time and youve been very good about being patient. Mostly. And I know we need to go to Lycia and I was talking to Lark about it and we started talking about the binding and . . . and anyway, yes.
His smile, which had been wicked and dirty, softened into something else and it brought a sigh to her lips. One of those longing type of sighs because he was so big and badass and yet totally sweet when it came to her.
You honor me, alamah.
How can I not? Dont let it go to your head though.
He laughed and snuck a quick kiss. Too late. I want to do this as soon as possible. When can you get away?
Right now? I really dont know. I . . . things are hectic and I just took on this new job. I know you want to do it and I absolutely agree. But Im not sure when Ill have that sort of time.
When things calm down we can go for a few weeks and stay. I want you to know Lycia. He took her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. But I want to do the binding as soon as possible. Well only need a few hours for it. He paused. It will make you stronger. The link between us will enhance both our natural power and also well share of each other. I dont know how it will work for me. Simon tells me hes faster now. That he can shift with more ease and more often without fatigue. His senses are heightened. I imagine it will be similar for me. For you? Your life will be longer. Youll be physically stronger and have more endurance.
He smiled then and it made her tingly. The rogue. But then he quickly got serious again. And that means youre better equipped for this damned war. I cant do what I really want. Which is to grab you and run as far away from here as I can. You have a path. I can wait however long its necessary for the binding. But it can help you. And that would make me really happy. Along with all the rest of it. Please?
It was the please.
Oh, who was she fooling? She wanted it too. And that he wanted it for reasons that were more about her than him touched her deeply.
Go ahead and see what you can do. Its not like you can call home though, right?
No. But I can call my brother and if hes here, he can go home and have them put things in motion. Cardinian, not Simon.
Ah, hes the one with a Fae wife and a Fae husband too, right? She waggled her brows and he laughed.
Yes. He and I share a mother, so hes also half demon. Mei, his wife, is Fae royalty. Youll like her. Shes a warrior like you. As is Cards other spouse, Jayce. Card likes to live here and split his time in Tir nA nOg where Mei and Jayce have family.
You and Simon are lagging behind. No princesses in this lot of sisters.
He brushed a hand over her hair a brief moment. Im the luckiest of all.
She smiled because he knew he got to her with all his sweet talk. But it was sweet nonetheless.
Im going to call him to get things moving. Ill come for you in an hour for dinner.
She wandered back into her office and got to work. She had enough to stay long past midnight, but she promised her mother theyd be at dinner and she supposed they had an announcement to make anyway.
Chapter 21
HED shown up at her office door and stood there glowering until she finally got herself free and came along with him to the car.
At least shed eat well at her parents. Hed feel better once they were clear about how seriously involved they were and they could announce the binding too. That, and he knew Rain would make sure her daughter was taking care of herself.
Card is headed to Lycia tonight. Hes going to get everything set up for the binding. Hell contact me when he gets back. Hes excited to meet you and Lark both. He was in Tir nA nOg when Simon and Lark performed their binding. Might I invite your parents as well? I know it will be a quick trip there and back so theres no pressure for them to stay over or anything.
I think theyd really like that. And so would I. Youre very good to me. Thank you. I mean that. I dont say it often enough and I apologize for that. But you take care of me and I want you to know I see it and it makes me happy.
He took her hand, kissing her fingertips. She had no idea how happy she made him. And when she said things like that it only made things better. I was made to love you. It pleases me. But thank you for saying so. We take care of each other, no? He knew the way shed agreed to the binding had a lot more to do with how it made him feel than the fact that shed get stronger afterward. Knew too that the little things he found at his desk, a cinnamon roll, a cup of coffee or a sandwich, were her way of saying how she felt about him.
Well ask them tonight then. So I convinced you to move into an enclave. How much work do you think it would take to get your mother and father to do it?
She scoffed. Its never going to happen. My mother has woven her power and her magick into the ground here for nearly forty years. She wont go. This is her land. And I understand it. And my dad, well, dont tell him this, but he thinks hes strong enough to protect them here. And maybe he is. The neighborhood is one theyve lived in a long time and they havent had as many problems as others have experienced. But that also means theyre known. Lark and I are worried, but theres only so much you can do when its your parents.
Faine laughed. Yes. I know. It finally took all of us to gang up on my father and urge him to let Pere take over. Pere is strong. He can take a beating and not even bat an eye. But my father, well, hes getting older. Its hard to deal with the constant dominance battles a Pack leader has to deal with when youre his age.
Like how old is he? I mean, if youre four hundred and Simon is six hundred. Whats the life span?
My father is thousands of years old. He doesnt give any exact dates, hes wily that way.
He told her about Lycia. About the places he loved and planned to show her. He thought about the house he had there and the way he wanted to make her comfortable in it. Perhaps add a nursery when she was ready.
Oh, crap. I forgot I said Id bring something sweet. Make a right up here. Ill run into the grocery store ahead. Its got a great bakery.
He did as she asked. You dont have to come in, she said as he pulled into a space. Im just going to run inside. Itll take me five minutes.
He frowned but got out, moving around to open her door.
Really, Helena, I dont know why you bother to say those things. We both know Im coming in.
She took his hand with a smile. I know. But I dont want you to feel obligated.