Goddamn, were fucking awesome, huh? Tension broken, Lark soldiered on. Whats the situation with the cars? I know there is simply no way you didnt have a process in place to check the undercarriage of any and all vehicles you use.
I do. Though it was nice that her sister knew that of her. There were two SUVs. Both were checked thoroughly before they left here. Both were in a secure garage. I went through the security footage for the last twenty-four hours and theres nothing. No one approached either vehicle until this morning when we left and then when they came back they were checked and checked again when they left to retrieve us. Theres a checkpoint at the gates at the capitol too and the cars were clear.
What the fuck?
Somewhere between those gates and the drive near the building where we were at the hearing our drivers were stopped, shot in the head, left in a Dumpster and the attackers took over. There are cameras everywhere but, conveniently, several were out of commission for a few hours today. The anger rushed through her again at the thought.
Are you kidding me?
They dont care. I wanted to hold out as long as I could, you know? A lot of humans are good people like Tosh. But this other stuff? Bombings and attacks and bills to put us in camps? Thats not right, damn it. Cameras being turned off so my drivers could be murdered? Its like a movie plot, for gods sake!
Lark sighed heavily. We receive death threats on a daily basis now. Its . . . Ive forgotten what it was like before.
Helena understood. She nearly had too.
Both those men, humans according to Anderson, were killed in the blast. The second car was also bombed, but half the vest he wore malfunctioned so the blast wasnt as large. Theyd moved to the passenger seat to get closer to us when we came down to load everyone in. I suppose we should be thankful they detonated before I reached the door.
I hate this. Hate it. Gage told me you pulled some mighty magick out of your tool bag today. He said hed never seen anything like it and that you nearly fried yourself doing it.
Honestly? I dont know where it came from. Only that it happened. Im glad for it and a headache is a price Im willing to pay for that result.
Yeah? And if youd died?
Its my job to protect people. If that means I die doing it, well, I signed on for that. You know youd do better at this than me, but theres no one else so Im doing the best I can.
What the hell are you talking about? Do you really think that? That Id believe anyone was better suited for this job than you? Youre the only one I trust to oversee it all.
Helena swallowed hard. Lark, thats not the best idea.
Her sister cursed beneath her breath. Oh shut up. If youre going to bring up the haven thing, just stop.
You can pretend it doesnt matter, but it was my decision to send the witches to the havens. And that got them killed. All those lives in my hands and theyre dead.
It wasnt the choice that killed them, Helena. What happened was so much beyond what any of us could combat. Were all of us fucking treading water here.
When the Magisters attacks got worse, and more and more Others were turning up missing and dead, The Gennessee called together the Full Council and they decided to send the most vulnerable witches in the Clan to the havens. Havens were safe spots, well away from the city, guarded. Helena had been the deciding vote to send the witchessupposedlyout of harms way. Until one of the smaller havens in Indio had been discovered and all twenty-two witches there, including five children, had disappeared.
One glaring fact remained. But you didnt make that choice.
Lark sucked in a breath. I could have, though. It was a perfectly reasonable choice to make. It could have easily been me. You didnt make the wrong choice. Hell, how many Others died when the Magister manifested? Huh? I didnt stop it in time. We lost a lot of people, Helena. We did the best we could. You and me, we had the weight of all those lives on our shoulders and we did all we could with what we had.
And it hadnt been enough. Helena had to live with that knowledge every day.
Lark broke into her thoughts. I know we havent had enough time to talk about all this stuff. We need to. But I want to be face-to-face when we do. I want to be able to knock out a few bottles of wine and hash everything out. Thats not happening anytime soon, but it will. Just know that. In the meantime, you have to stop blaming yourself for what happened at the haven. You are the person I trust more than anyone else to do this. I mean that.
Tears came, surprising her. All the hard-won walls shed built against the well of emotion and fear crumbled at the edges. Oh goddess, not now. She just couldnt. Didnt want to talk about the haven thing anymore. There was nothing to be done about it. It was over and the shame of her failure would hopefully make her a better hunter. Ill call you when I learn more. Rebecca is having a phone conference with Meriel and some of the other witches about whether or not continuing this road show is viable. Im sure youll hear when I do, but Ill check in when I know anything.
Lark paused and Helena knew she wanted to say more. But thankfully, she didnt. All right. I love you. Please be safe.
I love you too. She hung up and with a groan, heaved herself up from the couch. She had work to do.
Faine seemed to appear out of nowhere, scowling at her and blocking her exit from the room. Sit back down. What can I get for you?
I need to work.
You need to rest.
Youre not the boss of me.
Thank heavens. I cant imagine what a shitty job that would be. Youre disobedient and reckless and you take on far more than youre responsible for.
She didnt know how it happened, but suddenly she found herself gasping on a sob and a flood of tears.
He softened, a sad smile marking his lips. Come on. He took her hand and led her to her room, pulling her blankets back. In.
Please go away. She tried to pull the covers up over her head, but he lay down next to her, pinning her in place with the bed coverings, the heat of him soothing as well as discomfiting.
Im not going anywhere. Just let it go. Get it all out. He settled in, pulling her into his arms. The power of it, of letting go and being taken care of, soothed, was nearly overwhelming. And then his magick rose, teasing hers just when she wasnt sure she was capable of even the most basic of spells.
She didnt have the energy to hold him back and hold herself together at the same time. His power was warm and wild, it seemed to rush through her veins, teasing her senses, enticing, seducing.
She opened her eyes to peek at him and found him staring at her, a look of wonder stamped on his features.
I never expected you.
What? She wiped her face with the edge of her sleeve. No doubt she was red and puffy and her hair was a mess because she had jammed it into a ponytail after her shower.
Youre more than I ever imagined youd be. He snorted, leaning close to kiss each eyelid. So tender. You take so much on and you do it with such power and ability that no one would know how fragile you are just underneath.
Great. On top of everything else, Im fragile.
No. Helena, youre magnificent. Youre the finest female I have ever beheld in my entire existence. And believe me, Ive seen a lot in many worlds. You are strong. Righteous. Courageous. Today, you nearly killed me when you pulled that spell together. But you did it and you did it because thats what you do. You protected your people and even those humans whod just been insulting you because youre that person.
She closed her eyes, willing the newly sprung tears to go away.
It is all right to cry sometimes. You dont need to hide in the shower, or pretend to be above it. It doesnt make you less of a warrior.
Her eyes snapped open.
Yes, I heard you that night at my house. And it broke my heart because you are so strong and yet, you dont think you can lean on anyone else. Just for a little while. He tipped her chin so she was looking into his eyes. You can lean on me. You can cry and know I respect you. You can cry and know Ive fallen apart a little after a battle like the one youve been waging for months. Everyone has to break a little or theyll break all the way.
Why?
He thumbed her tears away and she was instantly sorry shed asked because she wasnt sure she could handle the answer.
I think you know. But thats all right, Ill give you the words because I need to say them out loud. Make my declaration.
Declaration?
He laughed at her reaction. Scared?
Youre sort of scary.
His grin made her less afraid of what hed say and more interested in what hed look like naked.
Im very scary. But not to you. I want you to lean on me because I want you. I want all of you, Helena Jaansen. Since the first time I met you I knew you were special. And everything Ive seen since has only confirmed that. I thought it was a passing fancy at first. Youre beautiful and powerful. A male like me finds those qualities fairly irresistible. He grinned again and she groaned.
He stole a kiss and with it her breath.
I was in Seattle and with Molly while you had your own job to do, but then our paths kept crossing. And I got to know you. I saw through your prickly demeanor and the quite frankly bizarre way you keep all your clothes and shoes color coordinated and arranged according to length, height, whatever. Youre trying to control things in a world utterly out of control. And you are doing it with all your might and that, Helena, is why I cannot get you out of my head. You are singular. You are the female I was meant to find and love.
Love? Listen here, buster, I have a horrible track record with love. Also Ive only known you a few months.
That witch you were engaged to was a fool. It doesnt mean you have a horrible track record. It means you hadnt found the right male until now. As far as being too soon to love you? Pah.
She laughed, unable to resist being delighted. Pah?
Pah. He nodded his head once. Youre a thing of light and magick. You are not human. Dont cling to what they cant see because they refuse to look with something other than their eyes. Im not human. Im not young or inexperienced either. Ive loved before. And that love wasnt anything compared to what you make me feel every time I think about you. Months Ive watched you fight. Ive watched you give orders. Ive watched you make passionate arguments about things you believed in. Ive watched you protect and defend and Ive watched you break apart when you couldnt save people. Its so intimate, that glimpse I get every once in a while when your defenses are down and you let me in. I know what I feel. I know what I want. I want you. And I know you want me. I know how you watch me. I tasted your desire when you kissed me. Each time youve kissed me. Theres no reason to pretend otherwise. Its a waste of time.
She struggled to keep up. Struggled to make sense of how she felt. Of the truth in his words and her bone-deep fear that if she trusted them shed end up hurt far worse than anything shed ever felt before.
Fear that shed fail at this like shed failed those witches at the haven.
He was different. On every level. She knew from Lark that Lycian males put the alpha in alpha male. That was a lot to manage, even if it came in a package that looked as good as the one looming over her, blanketing her in all those feel-good hormones that were designed to part a girl from her underpants.
You cant run scared from me, you know. First, youre too dominant for that. Second, youre too honest for it. Third, Im a predator and that only makes you hotter to me. A flash of his grin and though she was going to groan she only managed a breathy sound. Last, youre a highly sensual being and you know just exactly how it will be between us physically.
Her heart stuttered as he traced a fingertip down her chest, between her breasts, down to her belly button, circling it slowly.
And because you feel it too. This magnetic thing between us. This thread that pulls us together each time were near each other.
She opened her mouth to deny it but couldnt. She was drawn to him on so many levels.
His smile changed and tightened things low in her belly. I locked the door. And I think I know something else that will help you get your energy back up.
She gulped.
I know this momentary reprieve from your bossiness is just thattemporary. So I figure its best to divest you of your clothing before you start arguing.
Chapter 10
HE waited to see if she was on board and she didnt argue, thank the heavens.
She was hurt and he wanted to go slow, reined himself in the best he could as he got to his knees and started to pull his shirt off.
But he should have known Helena would have her own ideas. Quicker than hed expected, she grabbed his wrist, moving to get to her knees facing him. No. I want to.
She leaned in close, breathing him in at his neck, sending gooseflesh skittering over his skin. After hed laid himself bare before her, after hed seen those walls of hers break and the tears come, he needed this more than he could articulate. Needed to connect with her on a whole new level.
Have at it. Even to his own ears, his words were breathy and a little shaky. She rendered him into a nervous, needy mass. Even with Lydia it hadnt been like this.
She pulled his shirt up and off, tossing it to the side, skimming her palms over his chest. I love these. She pressed kisses over his marks. Four hundred years of your life, all over your skin.