Down a little lower, it will only be rain."
Kahlan snuggled her cheek inside her wolf fur as a shiver tingled through her shoulders and up the back of her neck. Winter had snuck up on them.
CHAPTER 20
When they arrived home two days later, the little fish in the jars were all dead. They had used the same easier route over the pass that they had originally used to enter the valley when they had first come in with the horses, months before. Of course, Kahlan didn't recall that trip; she had been unconscious. It seemed a lifetime ago.
There was now a shorter trail to their home, one they had blazed down from the pass. They could have used that alternative route, but it was narrow and difficult and would have saved them only ten or fifteen minutes.
They had been out for days, and as they had wearily stood in the windswept notch at the top of the pass looking down at their cozy home far below at the edge of the meadow, they had decided to take the easier passage, even though it took a little longer. It had been a relief to finally get inside the house, out of the wind, and drop all their gear.
As Richard brought in firewood and Cara fetched water, Kahlan pulled out a little square of cloth with some small bugs she'd caught earlier that day, intending to give her fish a treat, since they were sure to be hungry.
She let out a little groan when she saw that they were dead.
"What's the matter?" Cara asked as she walked in lugging a full bucket.
She came over to see the fish.
"Looks like they starved," Kahlan told her.
"Little fish like that don't often live long in a jar," Richard said as he knelt and started stacking birch logs atop kindling in the fireplace.
"But they did live a long time," Kahlan said, as if to prove him wrong and somehow talk him out of it.
"You didn't name them, did you? I told you not to name them because they would die after a time. I warned you not to let yourself get emotionally attached when it can only come to no good end."
"Cara named one."
"Did not," Cara protested. "I was just trying to show you which one I was talking about, that's all."
After the flames took from his flint, Richard looked up and smiled.
"Well, I'll get you some more."
Kahlan yawned. "But these were the best ones. They needed me."
Richard snorted a laugh. "You've got quite the imagination. They only depended on us because we artificially altered their lives. Just like the chipmunks would stop hunting seeds for their winter stores if we gave them handouts all the time. Of course, the fish had no choice, because we kept them in jars. Left to their own initiative, the fish wouldn't need any help from us. After all, it took a net to catch them. I'll catch you some more, and they'll come to need you just as much."
Two days later, on a thinly overcast day, after they'd had a big lunch of thick rabbit stew with turnips and onions along with bread Cara had made, Richard went off to check the fishing lines and to catch some more of the blacknose dace minnows.
After he'd left, Cara picked up their spoons and put them in the bucket of wash water on the counter.
"You know," she said, looking back over her shoulder, "I like it here, I really do, but it's starting to make me jumpy."
Kahlan scraped the plates off into a wooden bowl with the cooking leavings for the midden heap. "Jumpy?" She brought the plates to the counter. "What do you mean?"
"Mother Confessor, this place is nice enough, but it's starting to make me go daft. I am Mord-Sith. Dear spirits, I'm starting to name fish in jars!" Cara turned back to the bucket and bent to cleaning the spoons with a washcloth. "Don't you think it's about time we convinced Lord Rahl that we need to get back?"
Kahlan sighed. She loved their home in the mountains, and she loved the quiet and solitude. Most of all, she treasured the time she and Richard were able to spend together without other people making demands of them. But she also missed the activity of Aydindril, the company of people, and the sights of cities and crowds. There was a lot not to like about being in places like that, but there was an excitement about it, too.
She'd had a lifetime to become used to the way people didn't always want or understand her help, and forging ahead anyway because she knew it was in their best interest. Richard never had to learn to face that cold indifference and go about his duty despite it.
"Of course I do, Cara." Kahlan placed the bowl of scraps on a shelf, reminding herself to empty it later. She wondered if she was to be a Mother Confessor who forever lived in the woods, away from her people, a people struggling for their liberty. "But you know how Richard feels. He thinks it would be wrong-more than that, he thinks it would be irresponsible to give in to such a wish when reason tells him he must not."
Cara's blue eyes flashed with determination. "You are the Mother Confessor. Break the spell of this place. Tell him that you are needed back there, and that you are going to return. What's he going to do? Tie you to a tree? If you leave, he will follow. He will have to return, then."
Kahlan shook her head emphatically. "No, I can't do that. Not after what he's told us. That's not the kind of thing you do to a person you respect. I may not exactly agree with him, but I understand his reasons and know him well enough to dread that he's right."
"But going back doesn't mean he would have to lead our side. You would only be making him follow you back, not making him return to leadership."
Cara smirked. "But maybe when he sees how much he is needed, he will come to his senses."
"That's part of the reason he's brought us so far out in the mountains: he fears that if he's near the struggle, or if he goes back, he will see all that's happening and be drawn in. I can't use his feelings for me to force him into such a corner. Even if we did go back and he resisted the temptation to help people fighting for their lives and wasn't drawn into the struggle against the brutality of the Imperial Order, such an overt act of coercion on my part would create an enduring rift between us."
Kahlan shook her head again. "This is something he believes too strongly. I won't force him into returning."
Cara gestured with the dripping washcloth. "Maybe he doesn't really believe it, not really, not deep down inside. Maybe he doesn't want to go back because he doubts himself-over the Anderith thing-and so he thinks it's just easier for him to stay away."
"I don't believe Richard doubts himself in this. Not in this. Not for a second. Not one tiny little bit.