Mixing hunting phrases with official language he soon succeeded in sending the villagers about their business, and the errant Thomas, crimson to the ears, was ordered to attend on his master immediately.
Having somewhat mollified his feelings, he was yet fully aware that he was certaily in for a ‘damned dull, deucedly aggravatin’ day, findin’ out the identity of this impertinent corpse and probin’ the pros and cons, to say nothing of Caroline’s tantrums ’cos of what he’d done on the trumpet, while me wife’s Aunt Agatha will be accusin’ me of ill-treatin’
his
is
‘When you have recovered, Mr. Mipps, perhaps you will pass me back the bottle and discuss parochial affairs.’
‘Yes, sir — hic — parochial affairs. Real parochial affairs — or er?’
‘Yes, Mr. Mipps, we’ll discuss that too.’
‘Oh — that’s what I wanted to know. First of all — it’s them “British Grenadiers” again today followed by “The Girl I Left Behind Me”. The word is bein’ passed as usual. Coaches playin’ ’em both voyages, up and down. Next, please? Oh, Jimmie Bone — messages from him this mornin’ — says he forgot to ask you last night — if you’ll be needing him to ride as the Scarecrow for you tonight.’
‘Tell him to stand by till we know which way the cat’s goin’ to jump.’
‘Oh, don’t we know? Suppose we don’t. Oh, talking of cats. That there Revenue man. Been seen prowlin’ through Hythe. Ought to be here any minute now. Oh, talkin’ of Hythe: ’ere’s a bit o’ news. Mrs. Waggetts’ cousin twice removed has to go into Hythe on account of what she’s expectin’ grantiddlers.
1
She runs into her uncle, who has with him a relation of the bootboy at the “Red Lion”.’
Doctor Syn interrupted. ‘I trust the news is not so involved as the relationships.’
Mipps replied promptly: ‘No, sir. Gets clearer. Well, I’ll tell you. That there Foulkes. Now what worried the boot-boy was that he hadn’t got no boots. Wasn’t half in a dobbin
2
about it too. Rantin’ and roarin’. Foulkes I mean, not the boot-boy. Sends out for cobblers and shoemakers. “Red Lion” in a uproar. But by the time he’s measured the whole place knows what he’s come for. But here’s the best bit of news, sir. He’s passin’ the word and says he wants it passed that he’ll challenge the Scarecrow in open duel. Quite positive he’ll win, too. Says he’ll wager a thousand with anyone.’
‘That’s very interesting, Mr. Mipps,’ replied Doctor Syn. ‘He’s killed some dozen men already. I wonder what the Scarecrow will do about that?’
‘Yes — that’s just what I was wondering of, too.’
‘I shouldn’t let it worry you, Mr. Mipps. Yes, the Sluice Gates. Oh — let me see, high tide? Well, well. Now the christening; this afternoon, of course. Remember?’
1
Grandchildren.
2
Temper.
Mipps nodded. ‘Just cleaned out the font. Ever looked down from the top of them Sluice Gates?’
The Vicar nodded.
Mipps went on. ‘A lot of lovely mud goes swirlin’ round. Thin mud.
’Orrid mud.’
‘Yes, Mr. Mipps, I have noticed that there is mud in the Sluice Gates. And oh, by the way, Mr. Mipps, the Squire is dining with me tonight. Would you be so kind as to inform Mrs. Honeyballs to make an especial effort. I thought perhaps some few dozen oysters, that brace of pheasants, a little
souffle
1
and when Mrs. Honeyballs shakes — she shakes, and you don’t want a shaky pudding. Better make it a trifle. Won’t matter then if she is heavy-handed. By the way, sir, you was talkin’ of Pedro — will he be comin’ over tonight, sir?’
Doctor Syn nodded. ‘Yes, Mr. Mipps, with the usual cargo, if all goes well. And I have instructed Pedro that all
Imogene, looking for dangers on the seas ahead. He wished they could both hoist canvas and sail the seas again. So, stifling a sigh of longing and regret, he went down to execute his master’s orders.