if this time I could resist him. I wanted to see if I was the weak, useless creature I feared I was. I wanted I wanted him.
He didnt pull me into his arms, as Id expected. I was prepared to be stiff and unyielding, but he made no attempt to touch me. He simply stood there, too tall, looming over me in his dark clothes, while I was wearing the flowing white pajamas Allie had brought me. It seemed symbolic.
He reached out and undid the first button on the front of my loose white jacket, his touch so light that I didnt feel it, just felt the button give way. He moved to the second, again that deft touch, and cool air danced against my skin.
I swallowed. My heart was hammering, and I tried to remember tricks I had learned, ways to slow my heartbeat and my breathing, ways to calm my body. I tried to picture a cool, glassy pool. Another button gone. Imagined lying in a field of green, looking up into the blue, blue sky, watching the clouds chase each other as birds sang noisily. Another button, and I didnt think there were many left. I wasnt going to look downthat would make things worse. I closed my eyes, humming in my mind, some nonsense song to try to drive away the feel of the cool air against my suddenly hot skin. He reached the last button, and it was all I could do not to jump away from him.
I could think of nothing to distract me as he pushed the jacket off my shoulders, letting it slide down my arms and onto the floor, so that I was standing there in a loose tank top, the drawstring pants, and nothing more. The Fallen didnt seem to believe in underwear, and Id had to insist on the tank top to wear beneath the clothes, despite Allies arguments. He surveyed me for a long moment, tilting his head slightly as his heavy-lidded gaze washed over me.
Try counting to one hundred in Latin, he suggested affably, reaching for the hem of the tank top. That might work.
I glared at him. Id forgotten he could occasionally read my thoughts. Do you know how annoying that is? I said, trying to work up a good head of steam.
I dont care. Before I realized what he was doing, hed skinned me out of the tank top and tossed it on the floor, leaving me half-naked.
Okay, hed already seen me that way. My nipples tightened instinctively in the warm room, remembering his touch on them, his mouth on them, sucking, and I
I wasnt going to get aroused. Cool water, I thought, mentally letting it wash over my heated skin. He didnt touch my breasts, when I was expecting him to, had steeled myself against it, and somehow that was even more arousing. The anticipation was making the blood pool everywhere it needed to. Blood, I reminded myself, trying to cool the heat in me. For some reason it only made me hotter.
He was going to unfasten the drawstring next, and the pants would go sliding onto the floor and Id be naked, and there wasnt a damned thing I could do about it. Not without going back on my word. I waited, impatient.
But he didnt. Instead he picked me up, and at his touch I froze, remembering his arms supporting me against that wooden door, remembering his strength, remembering his betrayal. Wanting to cry, when despite my lack of demonhood I still hadnt been able to summon tears, only dry, racking sobs when no one was around.
There would be no tears in front of Azazel. He carried me into the bedroom, even though I was stiff as a board, and set me down on the huge bed. A second later he followed, kneeling over me.
Uh, dont you think we ought to pull down the covers? I said nervously.
Why? Do you think well mess them up?
Asshole , I thought, glaring at him.
Green fields and blue skies, Rachel, he said. Lie back and think of England, remember?
I lay back, more to get my breasts out of his way than for any other reason. I was still expecting him to pull off the loose pants, but he did nothing, and I wondered if he was going to bite me first.
You didnt answer my question, I said, my broken voice edgy.
And which question was that?
Are you going to bite me before or after sex?
His bright blue eyes met mine. During, he said, and put his hand between my legs.
I arched off the bed, surprised, aroused by his touch through the fabric. Reflexively I tried to close my legs, but he moved one knee between them, keeping them apart, as his long fingers moved between my legs, touching me through the light cotton. Why are you wet, demon? he whispered. Youre not supposed to be liking this.
Im Im not a demon any longer, I said in a tight voice, trying to fight the insidious feelings that were sweeping through me. His touch was light, but even I could feel the dampness as he slid the cloth against me.
No, he said, leaning forward, one hand braced on the bed, the other
still between my legs. Only to me.
I felt sorrow and disappointment begin to overtake me, but he brushed my lips with his, so softly that it felt like a benediction. You have become my own personal demon. You haunt me, tempt me, drive me mad with wanting you, and I can no longer blame prophecies or powers or fate. Its just you. I have chosen you, because I cannot imagine ever wanting anyone else, ever again. You possess me, obsess me; youre everywhere inside me and I cannot get rid of you. And worst of all, I dont wish to.