The sun was shining through the eternal mist that covered Sheol. Everyone was in the council chamberthe only living things outside were the seagulls wheeling and mewing overhead. I walked down to the waters edge, staring as the waves crested and spilled toward me.
I knew now why I was afraid of the ocean: I had been drowned by a man I thought loved me, hundreds and hundreds of years ago.
I made myself sit on the sand, watching the roiling water as the tide came in, closer and closer. So the fate of the world came down to me? I would have laughed if it werent so damnable. Why did it have to come to this?
I hadnt smothered babies. I hadnt lured men to their doom. But I had done other reprehensible things in my rage as the Lilith. I was a storm demon in ancient Mesopotamia, whipping up wind that buried towns and all their inhabitants in sand. I had brought down hurricanes and typhoons and tornadoes; I had rained destruction on those who had hurt me over the years. Once Id escaped from my sexual servitude to the demons, my rage had been monumental, and I had visited it upon everyone.
I had penance to complete. On the one hand, the entire world might be destroyed and an evil old man would triumph. On the other hand, I could pay for my sins and save the world, simply by having sex with a creature who made my bones melt, no matter how much I hated him. I wanted him just as much as I wanted him dead, and no common sense seemed to talk me out of it. In truth, I might not be his chosen one. But whether I liked it or not, he was mine.
The answer was clear.
It might kill him, which was fine with me. It might kill us both, which was, oddly, equally acceptable. But I knew it wouldnt. I knew the truth, though I refused to face it head-on.
The only thing I didnt like was the blood part.
I rose. The tide had come in far enough to touch my bare toes, and they tingled, flexing, almost drawing me in. I pulled back, though. I was afraid of the ocean, I reminded myself. Afraid of drowning.
I walked back into the house, kicking the sand off my feet as I went. I could hear their voices raised in argument, too many people talking at once. I pushed open the door, and everyone fell silent.
My eyes went to Azazels. His face was impassive, pale, and beautiful. He already knew the answer. I looked away.
Ill do it.
AZAZEL WATCHED THE CONFUSION ABOUT him with a calm he hadnt felt in years. He wasnt going to think about when, or how, or why. He distrusted prophecies. But he knew this was meant to be.
The assembly room had emptied quickly after Rachels blunt announcement, with Allie and the women spiriting her away and the other Fallen heading off. Only Michael and Raziel remained. Michael, the warrior, the loner, who seldom mated and subsisted on the bare minimum of the Sources blood. He had that lean, hungry look, his hair shaved close, his muscled, tattooed arms tight with anger. Raziel was looking equally disturbed, ready for another kind of battle. Azazel knew what was coming.
You neednt bother trying to talk me out of it, he said. The decision has been made.
You can change your mind, Raziel said. Weve barely made do without you for most of the last seven years. I dont know what wed do if you died.
You have a death wish, Michael said in a rough voice before Azazel could argue. Weve all seen it.
Denying it would be useless, even if he could. And these were the two men he trusted most in the world. Had a death wish, Azazel corrected him. And youre a fine one to talk of death wishes, Michael. You storm into any battle you can findits a wonder youve survived so long.
Dont change the subject, he said. Battle is in my nature; its my purpose in life. Yours is to rule.
Not any longer. Raziel rules, and rules wisely. I have another role to play, and I no longer fight it. As for my death wishit would be useless to deny it. Sarahs death was too much. I had no warning, no preparation, and I was tired of it all. But Ive changed my mind.
Because youve fallen in love with a demon? Raziel arched an eyebrow. Forgive me if I find that difficult to believe.
Shes no more a demon than I am. Which I suppose is a possibility, if you read certain scrolls, he added with uncharacteristic humor. He had begun to find certain things oddly amusing recently, which still managed to astonish him.
That still begs the question. Are you telling us youre in love with the woman whose death youve been seeking for the last seven years?
No. Of course not. But there remains a connection, for good or ill, and its our only hope.
And if you die? Michael said.
Azazel shrugged. Then I die. Ive lived an endless life; Ive been on earth for millennia. I am not afraid of death, even if I no longer embrace it.
What if death is some eternal damnation we havent figured out? Raziel demanded.
Even then. But I doubt that will be the case. I think for those of us who are cursed, our fate will be an eternal nothingness. With just enough awareness to recognize it.
It sounds like hell to me, Michael grumbled.