I could get rid of Azazel just as easily. Wipe out the memory of his strong hands touching me, his mouth against mine, the way he lifted me on top of him and pushed inside me.
I could get rid of that memory in the pouring rain, when Id wrapped my legs around him and fought to get more of him. The memory of the climax that had shattered me, thrummed through my body in waves as hed slowly released me.
And the Nightmen had come.
It would be the wise thing to do. I could remember other sex, unsatisfactory sex with humans, and maybe that was part of my curse. Though wasnt Lilith supposed to arouse men? And I had, but not for myself. Id aroused them for their wives, for the babies that hadnt yet come. While I had been raped by monsters.
Gone. That was gone. And yet, in the Dark City I had only followed my natural course. I had had sex with a monster, although this one was beautiful, and he had been smooth and strong and hard. Id learned pleasure at his handsmaybe that was worth remembering.
Allie and Raziel would protect me from him. I hadnt asked whod saved mesomeone must have known there was trouble. I had no illusions about it: Azazel was important here. They had more than likely been watching him, and had come to save Azazel as much as to save the Lilith.
The reasons didnt matter. I was safe, and would continue to be. Azazel would never hurt me again. Never touch me again. Allie had promised me, and her word was law.
So why did I want to weep?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
AZAZEL TOOK ME AT MY WORD. I never saw him, not when I walked along the beach, soaking up the sun that somehow managed to shine through the mists that surrounded Sheol. Not at the communal meals; not in the long, spacious halls of the peculiar building. It looked like an old seaside villa from Hollywood days, part bungalow, part mission style. I couldnt remember how I knew that much. There were too many lives for me to remember, and I learned to take my arcane bits of knowledge with equanimity. I knew enough of what was important. That my curse was finally lifted. And that I didnt dare see Azazel.
I wondered if hed been sent away. I had been welcomed by everyone, the fallen angels whose names were the stuff of legend: Gabriel and Michael, Gadrael and Tamlel, and the lesser-known ones, with names like Cassiel and Nisroc. And their wives, sweet, quiet women whom Allie was trying to drag into the twenty-first century. For the first time in my endless life, I felt safe and happy, cared for and at ease, and I couldnt help but wonder if the fact that there were no babies in Sheol had something to do with it. I wouldnt have to watch a baby die, ever again.
I could help, though. The women assured me they had willingly traded the hope of children for the rich love they shared with their husbands, and never regretted the loss. They told me this as they wept in my arms, and my heart ached for them. At least I knew I hadnt brought the curse of infertility to themit had been a gift from an angry God, along with other curses they refused to speak of.
I worked in the infirmary alongside Allie, tending the small hurts and minor illnesses. Up until recently there hadnt been so much as a cold among the Fallen, but that had changed. It had started seven years ago, with the loss of so many in the battle with the Nephilim, and the inhabitants of Sheol were slowly becoming more vulnerable.
Im not sure whether thats a bad or a good thing, Allie confided one afternoon as we sat out in the sun. For once we were doing absolutely nothing. Allie had an almost feverish energy and was seldom still, but for now we simply sat, our hands idle. I used to call them the Step-ford wiveseveryone was perfect; no one gained weight or had colds or even got so much as a splinter. It was creepy. But once the Nephilim broke through, everything changed. The wives stopped being so acquiescent, the men became less autocratic. Some of the women have even told me the sex is better, though I find that hard to believe. Sex with the Fallen is miraculous, no matter what the circumstances.
I felt my face heat, and I turned away to glance toward the mountains, hoping she wouldnt notice. Do they have magic dicks or something? I said in my raspy voice, trying to sound cynical and unconcerned. Everything about me had recovered from the trauma the Truth Breakers had inflicted, both inside and out. Everything
but the wound of Azazels betrayal, and my voice, now permanently raw and broken. Allie assured me it was very sexy. I couldnt see any particular advantage in that.
I felt her eyes on me. Dont you know?
So here was the question. Should I lie to her, the woman who had saved my life, and protect my tenuous peace of mind? Or did I admit to a truth she probably already knew?
But Allie was a better friend than that. She simply moved on, letting me avoid giving a direct answer. I think its more a case of the Fallen only taking their true mates. When theyre between wives, they will sometimes indulge in casual sex, but I gather those couplings are simply enjoyable, not life-altering. Thats how I knew I was supposed to be Raziels bonded mate. It took him too damned long to admit it, of course; but then men, even the fallen-angel variety, are a pain in the ass.