Honesty is always good for the soul, Raziel said lightly. Trust in Allie. You trusted her enough to bring Rachel here, enough to put her in Allies hands. I think worrying about whether Rachel lives or dies is a waste of time. Shell live. Youve got something far greater to worry about.
Azazel drew back to look at him. And what could that possibly be?
What the hell youre going to do about her when she does.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
IT WAS A VERY STRANGE FEELING. IT was as if I were being born, for the first time, for countless times. Yet I knew this was for the last timeit was one of the few certainties I had. No more names, no more lives. Just this one.
The fog of pain was slowly lifting. The world was coming back into focus, and I could see I was in a hospital bed, with all the requisite tubes going into and out of my body. I observed them with distant interest. It was as if they were attached to somebody else. This broken body had betrayed me by giving me so much pain, and I preferred to keep myself aloof.
I could smell the sea. I had always been afraid of the ocean, the pull of the riptide, the waves that could crash over you and beat you down into the suffocating water.
Odd, because I was accused of suffocating infants.
In fact, old memories felt more real than my current state, half in and out half of a pain-infused nightmare. I knew my curse now. Not to kill innocent children. But to catch them up and cradle them and carry them to safety when something ended their lives.
The untouched ones were the hardest. It was called many thingswitchcraft, crib death, SIDS. I carried them in my arms and washed them with my tears, each loss as wrenching as if it were my own child. It was a cruel and monstrous punishment, but there was more to it.
I comforted the women who were barren. I held them in my arms when they slept and sang to them. I went to their
husbands and whispered to them, and they would rise up and take their wives and sometimes, just sometimes, the womens bellies would fill with the children they longed for. But too often they mourned, and the husbands went elsewhere, and I could only grieve with them.
I lay down with monsters. I had a body that was used until it wore out, and then I was given another, and then another, as the foulness of their bodies defiled my human one. Their members were misshapen, barbed, clawed, and hideous, and each night my body would tear in pain, in punishment. But that was over. Long gone, and this body was new. I remembered only the acts, not the way I had felt. I was spared that much as I slowly came alive again.
I lay down with human men, always on top of them. My sin was asking questions, and my punishment was great. I lay down with human men and used them because they wanted me to, and I felt nothing.
And I lay down with a fallen angel, and felt too much.
I kept my eyes half-closed, watching the woman as she moved around my bed. She was pretty, wearing a brightly colored dress that swirled around her ankles, and she looked happy. Had I finally found a place where people could be happy?
There was color everywherethe blue of the sky outside, the rich brown of the womans hair, the rainbow dresses she wore. I hadnt realized how much Id missed color during my sojourn in the Dark City.
Day turned into night and then into day again. At times I dreamed my enemy, my betrayer, was there watching me, and I wanted to cry out. But when I opened my eyes he was gone. It was only a nightmare.
I remembered everything. I remembered him. And I remembered how to hate.
Youre awake, arent you? the woman said, her voice low and musical. I considered ignoring her, but shed tended me so carefully that I knew I had to answer.
I tried to speak, but no sound came out of my throat. For a moment I wondered if my voice was gone forever, torn away by my screams, but then a rusty sound emerged. Yes, I said, shocked at the gravelly sound.
Thats good, the woman said cheerfully. Dont try to talk any more. You tore your vocal cords, and the best thing you can do is rest your voice. Im Allie, and this is Sheol. Home to the Fallen.
The Fallen what? But I knew the answer. One of the fallen angels had saved me, circumvented Azazels execution order.
Youve been sick a very long time, she continued, taking my hand in hers, the hand that didnt have an IV in it. But Im happy to say the worst is over, and youre well on your way to a full recovery. It will take time, but youre getting stronger every day.
Good to know, I thought hazily, sliding down in the bed. She still held my hand, and for some reason I didnt pull away. Id never liked being touched, but this woman calmed me, soothed me. Healed me. The way I had calmed, soothed, healed the barren women of the world.
There are about forty of us here, men and women. My husband is Raziel, the leader, and Im sort of chief cook and bottle washer. Im the healer, the shoulder to cry on, the voice of reason occasionally, though my husband would disagree with that. Youre safe here, I promise you that. Theres no way Uriel, or Beloch, or whatever he was calling himself, can get in here. This is sacred ground, and hes not allowed. And none of his nasty little bullies can get in either. No ones able to reach us unless we invite them in.