And I began to fight anew.
AZAZEL PACED THE SAND, GLARING at the house. Allie had banished him from the sickroom, and he couldnt blame her. Yelling at Rachel not to die wasnt going to help. Hed felt her slipping away and hed panicked. It had been all he could do not to grab her shoulders and shake her. Instead he had told her shed damned well better not die. Hed harangued her, threatening her with all sorts of ridiculousness, a return to the Dark City being one of them. If she died, there might be nothing left. Demons had no souls, and if Rachel had possessed one, it should be long gone by now. What happened when a demon died? Did it simply disappear?
He ran a harassed hand through his hair, staring out at the sea. He felt like the ocean, storm-tossed and angry. Its healing beauty seemed out of reach. He felt no urge to strip down and dive beneath the cool, blessed waters. His body was whole. It was his mind, his spirit, his soul, that were in torment.
Did the Fallen have souls, or were they no better than demons? Theyd argued that for millennia, over campfires and by candlelight and gaslight and electricity, and there was no clear answer. God had stripped them of everything, including any possibility of redemption. There was no forgiveness for the fallen angels, only eternal damnation according to the angry God of old and his zealous administrator, Uriel.
But that God had changed. Hed granted free will to everyone, the Fallen included. Had he granted them souls at the same time?
He started pacing again, back and forth along the edge of the water. The tide was ebbing now. Hed been walking since it was coming in, splashing through water at high tide. Now it was pulling back, and there was still no word from the infirmary.
Youll wear a rut in the sand, Raziel said, sitting down carefully, his iridescent blue wings closing around him. No word?
Azazel barely glanced at him. No word. Go talk to your wife. She banished me from the sickroom.
Raziel arched a brow. And you went? You astonish me. I wouldnt have thought Allie could get you to do anything.
I didnt do it for her, I did it for Rachel.
Raziel looked at him. Rachel? Do you mean the Lilith? Or have we made a mistake?
Azazel halted his pacing. She doesnt remember who she is. She has no powers, apart from the seductive one that pulls any man she sees into her web.
That must have been inconvenient when you were in the Dark City. Did all the men start following you around in a
pack?
Azazel glared at him. Dont be ridiculous.
Because thats what would have happened if the demon Lilith had been about. No one would have been able to resist her. They would probably have tried to kill you, but you look like youre unscathed. How is that?
I have no idea. It took every ounce of strength I had to resist her.
And just how much did you resist her, old friend? You seem particularly disturbed by her condition.
Because it is our fault. My fault. I handed her over to them, knowing what they could do to her! he said furiously.
Thats what we agreed to do. Thats why you took her to the Dark City in the first place, took her to Beloch. Granted, we had no idea that Beloch was Uriel. I wonder if he always was, or if Uriel simply took over the Dark City and the demon who controlled it.
I fail to give a rats ass, Azazel snarled. Raziels soft laugh didnt improve his temper.
So you did as we agreed, and then you suddenly went in and took her back, infuriating Uriel in the process. Why? He sounded more curious than censorious; but then, when the roles were reversed, it was hard for the former student to reprimand the master. Particularly when Raziel had contravened the law in much the same way not so many years ago.
Because she Because she knew nothing? He had no certainty of that. Because she was someone else? He knew that wasnt truebehind those bright, curious brown eyes and that mop of red hair was Adams first wife, the one who lay with demons and smothered infants. He knew it, when he wished he didnt. Because I wished to, he finished lamely, trying to hide his truculence. And I trusted my instincts.
And you didnt consider that your instincts might be clouded by the Liliths powerful sexual thrall? Because I hate to tell you, its quite apparent you got sucked in, if thats the operative word, by her.
I did not getDamn you! He whirled on him. Shes dying, and you dare to make prurient jokes?
Raziel shook his head. He wore his hair longerthanks to his wife, it was now past his shouldersand he wore it loose, so that it swirled in the light breeze. Allie will save her. Shes not going to die, I can feel it. You could too, if you werent so caught up in your emotions.
I have no emotions.
Raziel let out a bark of laughter. Then why did you sleep with her?
BelochUriel forced me. And then he realized how totally ridiculous that sounded. Uriel hadnt forced him to do anything he hadnt wanted an excuse to do. He glared at Raziel once more. I slept with her because I wanted to. Is that the answer you want? I told myself it was to see whether I could resist her, but we both know that is nothing but a lie. Whether I wish to admit it or not, I wanted her, and I have since Im not sure when. Since long before I offered her to the Nephilim.