They were before they fell, Azazel interrupted me. When will you learn to stop fighting against the forces that cannot be beaten? There are times when you are your own worst enemy. You have no one to blame but yourself for this current mess. Get rid of the girl, and well concentrate on what matters.
I laughed bitterly. I blame Uriel. He led me to believe I was taking her to heaven. How many people have I tossed into the mouth of hell for him, thinking they were returning to paradise? Paradise! I was filled with disgust, both for Uriel and for my own unwitting complicity.
So this is about the woman? Azazel said.
I shrugged off the ridiculous idea. Of course not. I dont like being manipulated.
Then dont think about it. There is nothing we can do except not let him trick us again. And you still havent answered my question. What are you going to do with her? We have no place to put herSheol is not made for visitors.
She can go in my rooms until we decide. I sleep outside half the time anyway.
Azazel looked at me for a long moment. Are you certain she isnt your mate?
How many times do I have to tell you? I will not take a mate ever again. I kept my voice neutral, but Azazel knew me too well.
You can stop as soon as I believe you. In the meantime, how are you feeling?
That question was too stupid to answer, so I just looked at him.
It has been months since youve fed, he continued. Ill tell Sarah.
That was the last thing I wanted. No! Im in no mood for all that fuss. Do not say a word
I dont need to, Azazel said. You know Sarah can feel your need even before you do. He came closer. Youre weak, and you know it. Youd be worthless if we were attacked. Im willing to respect your ridiculous wishes as long as they dont hurt the community. Having you this weak puts us all in jeopardy.
I knew I wasnt going to be able to talk him out of it. And he was rightafter the last twenty-four hours, I was barely able to lift my head, much less fly.
Not the full ceremony, I grumbled.
I will tell her to make it very short. Then you need to sleep. Though if the woman is in your rooms
I can find a place, I said sharply.
Azazel looked at me with the wise eyes of an old friend. Are you certain Uriel
wasnt right? What do you know of her and the crimes she may have committed? Perhaps you risked everything and saved her for no reason. It would make things much simpler if I finished the job you started.
Keep your hands off her! I said, suddenly furious. I took a deep breath. She saved me. We keep her here until we decide what to do with her.
Azazel stared at me for a long, annoying moment, then nodded. As you have spoken, he said formally. Come with me to Sarah before you collapse.
I didnt want to move, any more than I wanted to admit that Azazel was right. I wanted to close my eyes and disappear. If Id had the energy, I would have risen and soared away from everything. But right then I could barely summon up enough energy to walk. I needed to feed, and until I did I was useless.
Once I fed and recovered, I would know what to do with the unwanted woman, would find a place to leave her. Until then I had no choice but to obey Azazel, no matter how much it galled me.
WHEN I AWOKE THE ROOM was dark, and I lay perfectly still, clinging to the vain, eternal hope that this had all been a nightmare. I already knew I was shit out of luck, and I opened my eyes reluctantly, knowing this bizarro world was going to continue.
The women had been very kind. The man, Raziel, had carried me into this huge old house and then unceremoniously dumped me, disappearing before I realized what was going on. The women had gathered around me, making the kinds of soothing noises that always made me nervous, and they herded me up to some rooms where they fed me, bathed me, and cosseted me, deftly deflecting any of my questions, all under the capable direction of the woman named Sarah.
And an extraordinary woman she was. Over six feet tall, she was one of those ageless women who might be anywhere between forty and sixty, with the serene grace and lean, agile body that probably came from decades of yoga. The kind of woman who made me feel lumpy and inadequate. The practice of yoga always seemed to suggest a moral superiority rather than a physical conditioning, and I mentally promised myself that Id drag out the yoga DVDs that were still shrink-wrapped, sitting on my bookshelves.
No, I wouldnt. I wasnt going home. That was one thing I knew, amidst all the vast holes in my memory. There was no returning to my comfortable life in the Village. Just as wellI couldnt really afford that apartment, but it had been so gorgeous that Id gladly beggared myself for the chance to live there.
Well, maybe if I was going to stay, Id have Sarah teach me yoga. If it made me look as good as she did at her age, it was clearly worth the effort.
Sarah had silver hair in one long, thick braid, wise blue eyes, and a rich, comforting voice, and when shed eventually dismissed the other women, some half dozen between the ages of twenty and forty, shed sat by my bed until I slept. My questions would be answered soon enough, Sarah had said.