Huddling into himself for warmth, with the sherpa-lined leather coat buttoned to his neck, he searched through memories and half-remembered visions. Some were so blatantly erotic that recalling them twined with the teeth-grinding, unspent passion hed unleashed while kissing Kavya. He shifted on the lichen-laced ground, shutting his eyes.
Her scent and her skin were indescribably soft, as was her touch when shed cupped his bloodied cheeks. Those were real. Images of her naked body on display, her hair long and loose . . . Those were fake, planted by a seductress whod led him along by his dick and his naiveté for too long.
She blocked out every woman hed known. None could compare to his fantasies.
Now, the fantasy couldnt compare to the woman hed kissed.
Why cant I read your mind?
There had to be a reason. She was lying when she said she couldnt. Or she couldnt access his mind when he was conscious. Or, or, or . . .
Hed lived among the Indranan for months, all in anticipation of the previous day. Hed learned about their family podshow children ran away as soon as their gifts manifested, escaping their twins, severing all ties with their biological families. Refugee Indranan grew up alone, slowly constructing new families, called pods, from genuine strangers. Strangers meant safety. They bonded over a shared need to protect against brothers and sisters intent on collecting the other halves of their fractured gift from the Dragon.
Their ingrained techniques for self-preservation made Talliss exile from his family seem insignificant.
Nothing hed learned could explain what it meant with regard to Kavya.
No, he thought angrily. She is the Sun.
He was hungry and growing more furious with himself by the minute. He was rid of her. Hed walked away when staying with her wouldve meant protecting her, kissing her again. Or worse yetbelieving her.
Why cant I read your mind?
Hed thought her inability to be a quirk of luck, a useful aid in finding her. Now that question was the nucleus of a mystery he couldnt solve.
Fuck it.
Hed lived as a human in England for long enough to know that was the perfect expression for what he felt. Angered resignation.
The wind kept howling. His nose and ears were frozen. He had a terrible headache, from the cold and the aftereffects of the rage hed indulged. There were consequences for dropping that deeply into ones black soul. Returning again was like using slippery vines to climb out of a mud-slicked pit. It always left the slimy feeling of having done something disgusting, as if hed masturbated in public.
The burden of the Pendray was to live with such power and a disgracefully low opinion of it. Where was the glory in succumbing to ones gift when it meant tapping into the worst, basest impulses? Where was the contentment of a fight well won if an animal won it on ones behalf?
Tallis had bit Pashkah like the rabid dog hed been accused of being. Years of practicing techniques in hand-to-hand combat and in the use of his seaxesdidnt matter. Just teeth and fury.
He saw her.
Kavya.
No . . .
This was the Sun. She
was the woman hed come to expect in his dreams. This time, she appeared on the back of the Great Dragon without preamble. Normally the Dragon appeared when Tallis most needed convincing, as if the Sun brought their Father into the discussion to ensure cooperation. How could anyone deny her commanding beauty and the unearthly power of their Creator?
Tallis held very still. Somewhere higher up on the plane of his consciousness, he knew he had fallen asleep. He didnt want to wake. He wanted to know what the Sun had to say for herself, now that hed left her to her own resources, stripped of authority, with two slices from his seax on her neck.
Hed tasted those slight wounds, letting his tongue offer the apology hed never voice.
You did well, she said, as softly as the magical swish of the Dragons wide wings and long tail. This was how I intended events to proceed.
She was swathed in the turquoise of the North, when she was usually clad in the same golden silk sari that Kavya had worn. The gold accentuated her warm coloring. By contrast, the vibrant blue made her features appear careworn. She was voluptuous, but not with Kavyas innocent sexuality. The Suns innocence was petulant, like the greed of an insatiable two-year-old. Pleading, then coercing. Coercing, then pleading. He hadnt been able to resist that potent cocktail.
Now he could.
I didnt do anything to please you, he said. Your cult is in ruins. Youll only be welcomed into the most warlike pods in the North. Go take shelter with them and watch the last of your reputation rip in the wind.
Amber eyes glowed strong and true, as a corona of light large enough to obscure the Dragon gained strength at her back. Soon her features were cast in shadows. Her body was a silhouette behind layers of flowing blue. Tallis could only sense the Dragons watchful presence and smell the brimstone smoke of its exhalations.
It was time, she said. You killed a priest to unify your clan. That was how the Pendray could become most powerful and lasting.