Every part of me protested the movement, but I sat up. Aiden immediately checked the back of my head for damage with swift and gentle fingers. That was kind of lame of me.
Its not a big deal. You were doing really well. You even disarmed me. He sat back; his hands cupped my cheeks and tilted my head back. He smiled. I dont think theres any permanent damage.
I tried to smile, but failed. Im sorry.
A frown creased his brow. Alex, dont apologize. It happens. You cant always be the fastest
I saw your move, Aiden. I had more than enough time to get out of the way. I lowered my eyes. Im just so freaking tired.
Aiden scooted forward, his knees pressing against my thigh. Alex, look at me. Sighing, I lifted my eyes. He smoothed my hair back with a little smile. Are these practices too much?
No
Alex, be honest with me. Youre training all the time. Is it too much?
If he kept touching my hair Id admit to anything. Its not too much, Aiden. Really, its not. Im just not getting a lot of sleep.
He shifted so that he was right beside me, his other hand falling to my shoulder. I inhaled his unique scent of sea and burning leaves. With him this close, with one hand curving over my shoulder and the other continuingly smoothing back my hair, I was putty in his hands. I think he knew that.
Why are you not sleeping, Alex? he asked, voice low and soft.
The words just kind of spilled out of me. I have nightmaresevery night and all night.
Nightmares? he repeated. He didnt sound like he thought it was funny, but that he just didnt understand.
I closed my eyes, taking a shallow breath. You dont know what it was like all those hours in Gatlinburg, not able to really do anything. And all those tagsit felt like they were breaking off pieces of me . You dont know what I wouldve done to make them stop just stop .
Aiden stiffened, his fingers curling around the nape of my neck. Youre right, Alex. I dont know, but I wish I did.
You dont mean that, I whispered.
I do. He went back to moving his fingers through my hair. Then
maybe Id be able to help you somehow. Is that what youre having nightmares about?
Sometimes theyre about Mom and other times its the other twoEric and Daniel. Theyre so vivid, you know? Like its happening again. I pressed my lips together, stopping the ball of emotion from making it past my throat. Talking about that night, about what theyd done, curdled my stomach like sour milk. So yeah, I dont get much sleep.
How how long has this been going on?
I shrugged. Since a week or so after everything happened.
Why havent you said anything? Thats too long for you to deal with this alone, Alex.
What was I supposed to say? Its pretty damn childish to be having night terrors
Theyre not night terrors. Its stress, Alex. What youve had to deal with He looked away, a muscle working in his jaw. No wonder youre having nightmares. She was a daimon, Alex, but she was also your mother.
I pulled back, looking into his face. Concern etched across Aidens features, shifting his eyes to a thunderous gray. I know.
He shook his head. And then youve been running nonstop. You havent had a moment to just shut down. The daimon attack probably added to it. I dont know why I didnt think about thatwhy no one did. This is all too much. We have to
Please dont tell Marcus. Please . I started to climb to my feet, but he kept me on the mat. If he thinks somethings wrong with me, hell take me out of the Covenant. And he would, too. If Marcus thought I was damaged, Id be in servitude. Halfs didnt go to counseling. They didnt get posttraumatic stress. They dealt with things. They didnt lose sleep and screw up in practice. Oh, gods, Marcus is going to kick me out.
Aiden caught my chin again. Thats not what I was going to say. You worry too much, Agapi. Im not going to say anything to anyone. Not a single word of this, but that doesnt mean Im going to forget.
What does that mean?
He smiled, but it seemed off and a little sad. Well, you need to get some rest, and you need time to just chill out. I dont know. Ill think of something.
I covered his hand with mine. At once, he let go of my chin and threaded his fingers through mine. My little heart just got all kinds of happy. What does Agapi mean?
Aiden sucked in air. What?
Youve called me Agapi a couple of times. It sounds beautiful.
Oh. I I didnt realize I had. He pulled his hand free. Its the old language. It doesnt really mean anything.
That was kind of disappointing. Reluctantly, I climbed to my feet. I drew in a deep breath and watched Aiden stand. I feel okay
The gym doors flew open, banging against the wall. Seth strode in like he owned the place. Whats going on?
I glared at him. What does it look like?
Aiden swiped the blades off the mats. I really need to find a way to bar those doors.
Seth shot Aiden a look. I really wish youd try.
Aiden lowered his arms, his fingers inching over the hilt of the blades. Dont you have something you should be doing? I cannot believe your sole purpose of being here is to help Alex a few days a week and prowl the halls of the female dorm.