What I want ? Karou quelled a ripple of hysteria that felt dangerously like laughter. As if this life bore any resemblance to what she wanted! But, given the circumstances, was it what she wanted? Shed scarcely considered what it might mean. An alliance. The chimaera rebels actually joining with Akivas bastard brethren to take on the Empire?
Simply put, it was crazy. Even united, she said, we would be massively outnumbered.
An alliance means more than the number of swords, Akiva said. And his voice was like a shadow from another life when he added, softly, Some, and then more.
Karou stared at him for an unguarded second, then remembered herself and forced her eyes down. Some, and then more. It was the answer to the question of whether others could be brought around to their dream of peace. This is the beginning, Akiva had said moments earlier, his hand to his heart, before turning to Thiago. No one else knew what that meant, but Karou did, and she felt the heat of the dream stir in her own heart.
We are the beginning.
Shed said it to him long ago; he was the one saying it now. This was what his offer of alliance meant: the past, the future, penitence, rebirth. Hope.
It meant everything.
And Karou couldnt acknowledge it. Not here. Nisk and Lisseth had halted on the hill to peer back at them: Karou the angel-lover and Akiva the very angel, speaking quietly in Seraphic while Thiago just stood there and let them? It was all wrong. The Wolf they knew would have had blood on his fangs by now.
Every moment was a test of the deception; every syllable uttered made the Wolfs forbearance less tenable. So Karou dropped her gaze to the baked, stony earth and rounded her shoulders like the broken doll she was supposed to be. The choice is Thiagos, she said in Chimaera, and tried to act her role.
She tried.
But she couldnt leave it at that. After everything, Akiva was still chasing the ghost of hope. Out of more blood and ash than they had ever even imagined in their days of love, he was trying to conjure it back to life. What other way forward was there? It was what she wanted.
She had to give him some sign.
Issa was holding her elbow. Karou leaned into her, turning so that the serpent womans body came between herself and the watching chimaera, and then, so quickly that she feared Akiva might miss it, she raised her hand and touched her heart.
It pounded in her chest as she moved away.
We are the beginning , she thought, and was overcome by the memory of belief. It came from Madrigal, her deeper self, who had died believing, and it was acute. She bent into Issa, hiding her face so that no one would see her flush.
Issas voice was so faint it almost seemed like her own thought. You see, child? Your heart is not wrong.
And for the first time in a long, long time, Karou felt the truth of it. Her heart was not wrong.
Out of betrayal and desperation, amid hostile beasts and invading angels and a deception that felt like an explosion waiting to happen, somehow, here was a beginning.
5
GETTING-ACQUAINTED GAME
Akiva didnt miss it. He saw Karous fingertips brush her heart as she turned away, and in that instant it all became worth it. The risk, the gut-wrench of forcing himself to speak to the Wolf, even the seething disbelief of Liraz at his side.
Youre mad, she said under her breath. I have an army, too ? You dont have an army, Akiva. Youre part of an army. Theres a difference.
I know, he said. The offer wasnt his to make. Their Misbegotten brethren were waiting for them at the Kirin caves; this much was true. They were born to be weapons. Not sons and daughters, or even men and women, just weapons. Well, now they were weapons wielding themselves, and though they had rallied behind Akiva to oppose the Empire, an alliance with their mortal enemy was no part of this understanding.
Ill convince them, he said, and in his exhilaration Karou had touched her heart he believed it.
Start with me, hissed his sister. We came here to warn them, not to join them.
Akiva knew that if he could persuade Liraz, the rest would follow. Just how he was supposed to do that, he did not know, and the White Wolfs approach forestalled him trying.
With his she-wolf lieutenant by his side, he strode forward, and Akivas exhilaration withered. He flashed back to the first time he had ever seen the Wolf. It had been at Bath Kol, in the Shadow Offensive, when he himself was just a green soldier, fresh from the training camp. Hed seen the chimaera general fight, and more than any propaganda hed been raised on, the sight had forged his hatred of the beasts. Sword in one hand, ax in the other, Thiago had surged through ranks of angels, ripping out throats with his teeth like it was instinct. Like he was hungry .
The memory sickened Akiva. Everything about Thiago sickened him, not least the gouge marks on his face, made certainly by Karou in self-defense. When the general came to a halt before him, it was all Akiva could do not to palm his face and slam him to the ground. A sword to his heart, as had been Jorams fate, and then they could have their new beginning, all the rest of them, free of the lords of death who had led their people against each other for so long.