He remembered her words to him back at the kasbah. We havent been introduced,
he had said, to which shed replied, in hot rebuke, You know who I am, and I know who you are, and that will serve.
She didnt know, though. And he wanted her to.
We havent been introduced, he said again, as she found her footing under the surface of the soft, dark water. Not really.
32
CAKE FOR LATER
If we live that long.
It wasnt what Karou wanted to say. Not even close. In fact, she didnt want to say anything. Akiva stood facing her from across the stone table, his eyes still full of forever, and all she wanted to do was climb up onto the slab and meet him in the middle. But since when did she get to have what she wanted? Akiva wanted to spend forever with her? It was it was sun flares and thunderclaps inside her, but it was also like a piece of cake set aside for later. A taunt.
Finish your dinner and you can have your cake.
If you dont die.
Well live that long, he said, ardent and certain. Well survive this. Well win this.
I wish I could be as sure as you are, she said, but she was thinking: armies angels portals weapons war.
Be sure. Karou, I wont let anything happen to you. After everything, and now Im not letting you out of my sight. After a pause and in the midst of a sweet and bashful blushas if he was still not certain he was reading her right, or that his now was what he hoped it wasAkiva added, As long as you want me with you.
I want me with you, she said at once. She heard the mix-up of her words me with you but didnt correct herself. It was exactly what she meant. But I cant be with you. Not yet. Its already decided. Separate battalions, remember?
I remember. But I have something to tell you, too. Or better, to show you. I think it might help. And he sat on the table and swung his legs up, moving to the center and beckoning her to join him.
She did, and felt the temperature rise with his nearness. No more barrier between them. She curled her legs beneath herthe stone was cooland wondered what this was about. It was no echo of her wanting. He didnt reach for her, but only regarded her with a half-hesitant intensity. Karou, do you think the chimaera would consent to mixed battalions? he asked.
What? If Thiago commanded it, they would. But what does it matter? Your brothers and sisters wont. They were pretty clear on that.
I know, he said. Because of the hamsas. Because you have a weapon against which we have no defense.
She nodded. Her own hamsas were flat against the slab; it was becoming second nature to conceal the eyes in the presence of seraphim, to guard against accidental assault, but it was precarious. She said, Our hands are enemies even if we arent, and her tone was light but her heart was not. She didnt want any part of herself to be Akivas enemy.
But what if they werent? he persisted. I think I could persuade the Misbegotten to integrate. It makes sense, Karou. One-on-one, the Dominion are no match for us, but its not one-on-one, and even without any unforeseen advantage they may have gained, our numbers are strained. Chimaera in our battalions would not only increase our strength, but decrease the enemys. And theres the psychological advantage, too. It will throw them off balance to see us together. He paused. Its the best use of our two armies.
Where was he going with this? Maybe you should have told Elyon and Orit that, she said.
I will tell them. If you agree, and if it works.
If what works?
Still looking at her with that half-hesitant intensity, Akiva reached out very slowly, and, with one fingertip light against her cheek, hooked a loose strand of her hair and pushed it behind her ear. The tiny touch sparked and blazed, but the spark and blaze were subsumed by a deeper, fuller fire when he brought the whole of his palm against her cheek. His gaze was vivid, hopeful, and searching, and the touch was whisper-light, and it was a taste of the cake Karou couldnt have. It was more than a taunt. It was a torment. She wanted to turn her face and press her lips to Akivas palm, and then his wrist, to follow the path of his pulse to its source.
To his heart. His chest, his solidity. His arms around her, thats what she wanted, and she wanted movement that spoke to movement, skin to skin and sweat to heat to breath to gasp. Oh god. His touch made her foolish. It spliced her right out of real life with its drumbeat of armies angels portals weapons war and
into that paradise theyd imagined long agothe one that was like a jewel box waiting for them to find it and fill it with their happiness.
Fantasy. Even if they made it to forever, it wouldnt be paradise, but a war-ravaged world with much to learn and unlearn. Work to do and pain to tithe and and And cake , Karou thought with defiance. There could be life, around the edges. Akiva every day, in work and in pain, yes, but in love, too.
Cake as a way of life.
And she did turn her face, and she did press her lips to Akivas palm, and she felt a shudder go through him and knew that the distance between them was far less than this arm span of physical space. How easy to tip into it and lose herself in a small and temporary paradise